Is it reasonable to CTB for these reasons?

[rainydaysnail]

I am at the very end of my nursing degree, but I failed an exam twice so now I have to sit it again in a year's time. I'll lose the job I've been offered and worked so hard to get, and all my friends will start working at the hospital we train at because they're not dumb like me. I want to ctb because I can't cope with the embarrassment, the shame and the self hatred due to my own stupidity. Is it reasonable for me to ctb over this or am i being crazy, because no one seems to see it like me? I feel like my life is over and it's all my fault for being so brainless.

 

[deep-sleeper]

If you were actually brainless, you wouldn't even be close to the end of your nursing degree

Any degree in the medical field is extremely hard, yet you passed all hurdles up to this point, I don't think you should be this hard on yourself

 

[frayed]

Take a break. It's not like you failed freshman year exams and was forced to drop out. You're almost at the end. Even this feeling of embarrassment will fade away. Two, three years from now, it will be like none of this ever happened.

 

[rainydaysnail]

I am at the very end of my nursing degree, but I failed an exam twice so now I have to sit it again in a year's time. I'll lose the job I've been offered and worked so hard to get, and all my friends will start working at the hospital we train at because they're not dumb like me. I want to ctb because I can't cope with the embarrassment, the shame and the self hatred due to my own stupidity. Is it reasonable for me to ctb over this or am i being crazy, because no one seems to see it like me? I feel like my life is over and it's all my fault for being so brainless.

It has been 9 months since I posted this and my worries did not come to be. I got to resit the exam soon after, I got the job and have been working in said job for the past 7 months. I should be happy and less eager to CTB. However, i just feel so so much worse and now its the job i wanted so badly that is the main source of my suicidality. It will always just be one thing after another. No matter what happens in my life it just gets worse.There is no point in even trying anymore.

 

[Yknot]

Did anything happen or is the dream job simply not as good as you expected it to be? Stupid thing is that dreams rarely live up to the expectations. And when the disappointment kicks in everything just seems a lot harder. But in itself that does not seem like a valid reason to ctb. So maybe something you want to share, to get it out of your mind?

 

[rainydaysnail]

Did anything happen or is the dream job simply not as good as you expected it to be? Stupid thing is that dreams rarely live up to the expectations. And when the disappointment kicks in everything just seems a lot harder. But in itself that does not seem like a valid reason to ctb. So maybe something you want to share, to get it out of your mind?

It just causes me to be in a constant state of anxiety. I could cope if i just didn't enjoy it. But given the nature of the job, I'm constantly anxious that I've done things late, missed important things, not documented, or I'll get complaints etc. I'm convinced something will come back on me desite the fact that I'm a compassionate person and try my best. Even on my days off I'm filled with dread. I'd much rather be dead than continue to experience this.

 

[Yknot]

I can totally relate to that with my adhd and mild autism. Moments of brilliance alternated with total stupidity. Don't know if you have any neurodiversity issues, but regardless, is there something like a company doctor you can visit to express your anxiety? And if not - it is basically just a job. You can always try a few other jobs before you decide to ctb.

 

[rainydaysnail]

I can totally relate to that with my adhd and mild autism. Moments of brilliance alternated with total stupidity. Don't know if you have any neurodiversity issues, but regardless, is there something like a company doctor you can visit to express your anxiety? And if not - it is basically just a job. You can always try a few other jobs before you decide to ctb.

Nothing diagnosed but I have my suspicions. I have expressed it to colleagues whose role it is to support me but no ones words or advice seem to help me at all. If I could easily get into another job that didn't put so much pressure on me and paid the same I would go for it, but its not so easy these days and I'm moving house soon so will be desperate for the money.

 

[alreadyfound]

I completely failed my final exam at college today, and I want to ctb so badly so i understand you. My paper is so bad it's humiliating. The worst part is that if I have to repeat the year, I'll have to see the teachers who graded this mess again. But killing myself over a failed exam is just as embarrassing, so I'm going to hang in there i guess

 

[rainydaysnail]

I completely failed my final exam at college today, and I want to ctb so badly so i understand you. My paper is so bad it's humiliating. The worst part is that if I have to repeat the year, I'll have to see the teachers who graded this mess again. But killing myself over a failed exam is just as embarrassing, so I'm going to hang in there i guess

it'll be nothing to those teachers, they'll have seen it all before a dozen times. hang in there

 

[coolcow1289]

Whether it's reasonable depends on whether you really want to CTB. It sounds like a big setback but in the grand scheme of life, it's pretty minor. Plenty of people take an extra year to finish school. I did.

Plus nursing is such a growing field, there will be other jobs waiting for you.

But maybe this is just the straw that broke the camels back, and there's other problems eating at you?

 

[toocraptoolong]

I think I would be really anxious about doing everything right if I was working as a nurse!
Is there a job like a nursing assistant or aged/disability carer you can do for a while until you can build up more confidence and the responsibility doesn't freak you out so much?
The pay might be a bit less, but you'd still be gaining experience and using your knowledge. You sound like a very caring and compassionate person, so I don't think you should give up