Venting Is it really that wrong to be jealous of "normal" people?

[Ladylethal]

It's ok to be jealous. But it's also irrational to think you'd be magically happier in a different life. It might be true, but it probably isn't. For most people, they find new things to be upset about.

I have a "perfect" life and I'm here.

It is? I'm afraid I don't understand why...If my life was different wouldn't I be happier? Well maybe not...geez that's depressing lol

Are you sure they are happy? everyone is screwed up in their own ways. Some hide it better than others. Some can be less honest to themselves and others and by not thinking about things, they can fool themselves into being "happy" and they fit into society better. Some just don't. Everyone wants to be liked and to fit in and so pretend to care about shit they don't and do what others are doing. It's all "you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours". So that they can get self validation from others' approval and the "others" are waiting for the same thing from you. Most friend groups, if you really think about it, is just dysfunctional and all about "define me" as roger the shrink from friends would put it.

The truth is often the photos don't reflect the reality. Most of the time it is boring. Everyone smiles brightly for the photos... have you ever seen photos of a party and everything looks so fucking amazing and you think "omg everyone is having a blast". You resolve to go fro the next one.. and then you go and you will find that it's "meh". But when the photos come on social media, it looks like you guys had the best fucking party of the year but since you were there, you know the party wasn't really like that. The truth is photos are all an illusion. it's not real. Photos are a snapshot where people pose and try to explicitly look extremely happy- that's the whole point of taking a photo. Also the very fact that these girls are "bragging" should give you some clue about happy and content they are. Do happy, content people seek approval of others or is it insecure, unhappy people who do that? Are you sure your mom is the only narcissist? The funny thing is these girls feel exactly like you when they view social media. They also "hate how everyone else seems to be having so much fun" and so they try to keep up. They are all trying to one up the others. Does the idea of doing that sound fun to you? Sound a bit tiring to me. you obviously don't approve of your mom. Would you respect yourself more if you turned a blind eye and pretended to be chummy with her?

This world is a fucked up place. It's also a bit funny.

I like Marcus Aurelius' thoughts on this:

"It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own."

"You want praise from people who kick themselves every fifteen minutes, the approval of people who despise themselves. "
I hope that I misunderstood you.

I'm so curious, what is the "dumb shit" you want? That's kind of cool that you have dudes flying out to see you even though you are depressed. But, I understand that feeling the need to entertain and act happy is burdensome and depressing.Also, it sucks when you feel that people are just dying to ignore your depression. Good luck during the visit. When I was in grad school a dude came to visit me, and I was just NOT feeling it. I had no money, was behind in all my classes, needed to get my laptop repaired, and my room was a pit. And, like you said, I didn't want to get out of bed. I ended up lying & telling him I had an STD. I don't know if that is helpful advice to you ... Good luck during the visit. I wish you strength.

That's exactly how I feel thank you. I feel horrible for complaining I really do. I feel mean.

I'm going forward with my plan the moment he leaves. And alot of the "dumb shit" I want....Some of it is personal but right now I'd really like my fiance to come back. And to not lose everything.

I don't understand. Does your sister has different mother? How can that be?
*Oh...

Oh no we have the same mom...It's hard to explain. It's just how it is with her.

Are you sure they are happy? everyone is screwed up in their own ways. Some hide it better than others. Some can be less honest to themselves and others and by not thinking about things, they can fool themselves into being "happy" and they fit into society better. Some just don't. Everyone wants to be liked and to fit in and so pretend to care about shit they don't and do what others are doing. It's all "you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours". So that they can get self validation from others' approval and the "others" are waiting for the same thing from you. Most friend groups, if you really think about it, is just dysfunctional and all about "define me" as roger the shrink from friends would put it.

The truth is often the photos don't reflect the reality. Most of the time it is boring. Everyone smiles brightly for the photos... have you ever seen photos of a party and everything looks so fucking amazing and you think "omg everyone is having a blast". You resolve to go fro the next one.. and then you go and you will find that it's "meh". But when the photos come on social media, it looks like you guys had the best fucking party of the year but since you were there, you know the party wasn't really like that. The truth is photos are all an illusion. it's not real. Photos are a snapshot where people pose and try to explicitly look extremely happy- that's the whole point of taking a photo. Also the very fact that these girls are "bragging" should give you some clue about happy and content they are. Do happy, content people seek approval of others or is it insecure, unhappy people who do that? Are you sure your mom is the only narcissist? The funny thing is these girls feel exactly like you when they view social media. They also "hate how everyone else seems to be having so much fun" and so they try to keep up. They are all trying to one up the others. Does the idea of doing that sound fun to you? Sound a bit tiring to me. you obviously don't approve of your mom. Would you respect yourself more if you turned a blind eye and pretended to be chummy with her?

This world is a fucked up place. It's also a bit funny.

I like Marcus Aurelius' thoughts on this:

"It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own."

"You want praise from people who kick themselves every fifteen minutes, the approval of people who despise themselves. "

I hope I misunderstood you

 

[puppy9]

Nothing wrong of being envious or jealous of anything, being honest to oneself is better than twisting our mind just to not feel it.

 

[cornflowerblue]

It is? I'm afraid I don't understand why...If my life was different wouldn't I be happier? Well maybe not...geez that's depressing lol

I'm going forward with my plan the moment he leaves. And alot of the "dumb shit" I want....Some of it is personal but right now I'd really like my fiance to come back. And to not lose everything.

Oh no we have the same mom...It's hard to explain. It's just how it is with her.

I hope I misunderstood you

I tried to phrase my comment to be clear it doesn't apply to everyone. Im really sorry, I didn't look at your post history or back story before replying, I was answering the general question.

 

[survive8]

I am also jealous of normal people Bc I'm in so much physical pain.

 

[not_a_robot]

I don't know. I am by no means "normal" but due to coping skills, I am able to make some bits of my life seem "easy" even though no part of it is; I have to deal with crazy jealous bitches coming at me all the time and frankly, no, no, and fuck no, it is not and will never be OK. It's immature to assume other peoples' lives are any "easier" than yours.

 

[262653]

I'm not jealous of average, common people. I'm jealous of extraordinary people, with great intelligence (looking at your boobs) and body constitution. But the body incorporates the brain (sorry for tautology), so I'll just go for constitution. This is also my main suicide fuel. Thanks, jealousy.

 

[ZixivaldYrxes]

A lot of that stuff is a facade. Most people bring their best face into the public eye. It's not that happy people don't exist, but they're fewer and more far between than is initially apparent, I think. The human condition is always weird and full of impressions and experiences that only the human in question themselves is aware of. There are people that I envy too but it's counterbalanced by knowing that I don't actually know their experience the way they do, and that it's impossible to ever know someone on a deep enough level to fully justify envy.

I'm not jealous of average, common people. I'm jealous of extraordinary people, with great intelligence (looking at your boobs) and body constitution. But the body incorporates the brain (sorry for tautology), so I'll just go for constitution. This is also my main suicide fuel. Thanks, jealousy.

I kinda rationalize this by figuring that there are tons of extraordinary people who never get extraordinary attention, and likewise tons of ordinary people who do get extraordinary attention. Like susie down the street may have had an extraordinary experience or thought that only she knows about and ever will. You might have had one yourself without realizing it. I just think that appearances can't always be trusted, I guess. I do know what you mean though.

 

[JMB]

It's immature to assume other peoples' lives are any "easier" than yours.

True, although it took me a while to realize this. For a long time i used to think people who look happy are indeed happy. I remember an old friend of mine who apparently had it all. Good life, good friends, success, health, everything. He was awesome, and after he suddenly stopped contacting me i thought "Well, thats natural, he has gone on with his life, and now he has better things to do." I was so absolutely sure about this and so sunken in my own misery that i did not even bother to look for him myself.

But nah, he hadn't gone on with his life. He had actually killed himself just a week after our last meeting. I learned this just by coincidence many years later. However happy people appear to be on the outside, nobody knows for sure how they really feel. Life is shit for many people i guess.

 

[not_a_robot]

True, although it took me a while to realize this. For a long time i used to think people who look happy are indeed happy. I remember an old friend of mine who apparently had it all. Good life, good friends, success, health, everything. He was awesome, and after he suddenly stopped contacting me i thought "Well, thats natural, he has gone on with his life, and now he has better things to do." I was so absolutely sure about this and so sunken in my own misery that i did not even bother to look for him myself.

But nah, he hadn't gone on with his life. He had actually killed himself just a week after our last meeting. I learned this just by coincidence many years later. However happy people appear to be on the outside, nobody knows for sure how they really feel. Life is shit for many people i guess.

And jealous people who have no clue how much someone is struggling always think it's alright for them to just pile and pile and pile on more damage. I despise jealous people, they are disgusting parasites.

 

[JMB]

Also true. But i was never jealous of him, i was happy and glad because i thought he made it.

 

[Pilum Muralis]

I use to be envious of my sister in law. She seemed to have it together. A job she loves, no debt, single and ready to mingle. If you looked up Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte in a dictionary, her picture would be there, wrapped in a cute scarf. She is the end boss of all Basic Bitches. I wanted to be that carefree. I wanted to just have no worries or troubles. To be able to post cute Facebook and Instagram pictures of latte art and cute clothes. I wanted to be able to share inspirational quotes, and be sincere about it.
However, social media is a fucking lie. Turns out her life is far from perfect. She has crippling anxiety, and is bi polar. She is also socially awkward, because of the anxiety, and has never been in a relationship. She's 38. She is now depressed, because she feels a failure because she is not married and isn't a mother. She recently moved back to be near her niece, and has accepted she'll be alone. God help her, and us, when her mother passes away. She is her safety net and sole support. I just hope i can mentally help her, but I can become quite the basket case myself when the pain really revs up.
I don't envy her anymore. I pity her. While my pain is debilitating, and is the cause for me wanting to ctb, at least my mind is is sound. I have depression, but that alone was managed, and I was still functioning. I have someone who loves and supports me.
many people can't say the same. My life is kind of shitty, but I suppose it could have been shittier.

 

[262653]

I kinda rationalize this by figuring that there are tons of extraordinary people who never get extraordinary attention, and likewise tons of ordinary people who do get extraordinary attention. Like susie down the street may have had an extraordinary experience or thought that only she knows about and ever will. You might have had one yourself without realizing it. I just think that appearances can't always be trusted, I guess. I do know what you mean though.

No, they surely can't.
I do not equate experiencing jealousy to believing that having those desirable traits would make my living better off. Well, I do in this particular case, but I will never know that for sure.

Yes, many people are extraordinary in some avenues (I'm don't know what does this word mean, but it feels just right), but I'm only envious to a few of them, as not every extraordinary trait is generally, equally desirable.
I think it backgrounds from strongly associating myself with certain traits, so that anyone who is perceived as superior in this trait is viewed as potential danger.
I don't know why though. It makes sense in the primal world where you have to compare your qualities with others to react accordingly... to deal with better ones, either by fighting, disengaging, or cooperating. It's more nuanced in the modern world however. We don't have to fight each other, not that often at least.

Another plausible reason: jealousy shows me what I value and propels me to make improvements in this field.

Language isn't elusive, but people who use it are. Thanks for giving me a room to elaborate a bit.

*Emotions don't inquire for reasoning to show up. And I agree with puppy here. This is a rightful prace for honesty.

 

[ZixivaldYrxes]

I think it backgrounds from strongly associating myself with certain traits, so that anyone who is perceived as superior in this trait is viewed as potential danger.
[...]
Another plausible reason: jealousy shows me what I value and propels me to make improvements in this field.

Yeah I get this really well. I see someone who does something a certain way, and better than I do it (in my view), and I think OH SHIT THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE MY THING, WHY AM I SO INCOMPETENT IN COMPARISON TO THIS PERSON? Why did it have to be THIS thing? I wouldn't care if it was anything else. Like it's a self-inflicted assault on my core identity (although obviously it isn't) and I get the urge to scramble and get my shit together to be on their level.

But I still believe that even this kind of thinking is naturally biased, even if it inspires "healthy competition", because apparent efficacy is the summation of various flavors (I made this up right now so it might sound vague). Meaning that one isn't always linearly "better" at something (but can be), but that they use a variety of different approaches than you do. There's a kind of beauty that can be found in knowing that your approaches are yours even if the end result isn't what you want it to be, if that makes any sense. I think I'm trying to say that you still run into the problem of seeing the quotient rather than the things that create that quotient and appreciating those things by their own merit. Although I can't do or be something, someone else can, and when you dedicate yourself to "it" enough, you care more about "it" being manifested than about being the one who manifests it.

 

[Numbtopain97]

I waver between hatred and jealousy. I see people and their biggest problem is what they wear to homecoming. I would give anything for that.

 

[pole]

to me, i guess its not jealousy of others and what they have. its envy. i envy my fellow friends who are living their lives, filled with happiness and enjoying life like i wont be able to. i envy that, id want that so bad even though i cant have it.

apart from having this "envy" emotion, i'm extremely happy and filled with joy in watching people prosper, happy and live life. i think for me, it makes me happier than envious. watching someone happy and living their life, seeing their face and how happy they are, especially if its someone you know like a friend, its beautiful and makes me way more happier than i usually am. only thing i feel outside of happiness for them would be the mixture of envy of wishing i had that and also self pity for myself.

 

[woxihuanni]

I just want my life to be better in very specific ways, would not be in anybody else's shoes.

 

[Wayfaerer]

I don't want to be "normal" but I envy their mental health. I suppose that comes naturally when you never think deeply about anything.

Hahaha, you nailed it. I'm jealous of the people who have had everything in life, handed to them on a silver platter. Who never had to go through traumatizing shit. Who never had to do hard labor. You know, upper middle class people with parents who actually care about them, the rich and the wealthy. People who weren't born into dumb ass families of brainwashed religious sheeple, sociopaths, psychopaths etc... I came from an upper middle class background. I went to schools with kids and teens from an upper class background. My family had as much money as their families... And when they were all 17 and 18, all the teens from those upper middle class families got expensive cars as gifts from their parents. I asked my father for a car, even just a piece of shit car. He told me a speech about using those bootstraps and told me to fuck off, go get a job and buy one myself like he had to back in the day...in his small shitty town in the middle of nowhere...in the 70s. And he only pulled that off because back in those days, cars weren't very complex so you could buy parts and build one yourself if you study how to do it. I couldn't even borrow his vehicle or my mother's vehicle even though he worked at home in his office and my mom was a housewife. So I had to walk around like the few teens in my Highschool with poor parents and poor immigrant parents or the few unlucky teens who were born into families like mine... It doesn't sound like a big deal but it is, every time, you walk into the Highschool parking lot and see all these teens get into their 40 and 50 thousand dollar cars... Because that shit is being rubbed in your face, five days a week. And you have to walk home because __________ <- dumb ass reason and because your father wants you to suffer like he had to suffer due to him being born with a father who is a psychopath war veteran who wouldn't care if his children lived or died... Back in my day, I had do hard labor when I was 12! Yeah...STFU... People like him, actually don't want a better life for their kids... They can't stand it. They want them to have a life that was the same or worse. Nah, if my life became too enjoyable at that age, then that would mean, I one upped him in some way... That's also why he decided to spend all the money he saved up for me and my sister after we graduated Highschool on himself, one day. Because back in his day...

Baby boomers are the most insufferable people on the planet.

 

[Baskol1]

I don't want to be "normal" but I envy their mental health. I suppose that comes naturally when you never think deeply about anything.

People who dont question anything are the happiest, yes.

 

[scorpiooo2]

I understand completely where you're coming from.

Ive always been jealous of any person who's not suicidal and that doesn't feel absolutely awful everyday. I used to ask myself what I did that was so bad for me to deserve to feel like this.

But one thing I've learned from all of this is that it's not our fault.

 

[epic]

Jealousy is futile.