Is it really helpful to talk so much about our pain and abuse? Or should we leave it behind?

[noname223]

This is only a rhetorical question. I think the answer depends on the individual and on the circumstances. As many of you probably already noticed I talk a lot about my past, my abuse/bullying, my pain, my current mental state, my conditions etc. on this forum. For me the clear answer to the question of the title is: Yes it is really helpful and really essential to stay stable. Though I think for other people it might be a better approach to leave the painful memories behind and concentrate fully on recovery/ the present. I think one must decide considering the circumstances and the personality of the human being we talk about.

I had this thought on mind when I listened to Juice WRLD. He raps

Traumatized from my past, yeah, I keep a log
In my mind, in my head, where that shit belong

Maybe my interpretation is wrong. But it sounded like keep it low with your demons they are only in your head. Don't give them so much room. Maybe it is a wrong interpretation but it gave me the idea for this thread. Lol.

Then I remember something similar. When I was in the psych ward the last time there was a dude with a drug induced psychosis. He really was not the brightest person. He mocked us (our self-help group at the clinic) for always talking about our illnesses. He alluded we were obsessed about it and we should just forget about it and move on. Yeah if I had like 2 brain cells (like him) I could do that you clown.

Though it is something I still remember. I ruminate a lot, I am a person with a lot of daily racing/fast thoughts. I absolutely cannot turn this off. It is against my nature. Some people in this forum envied it that I am never bored. I always know what I could do next. I have a lot of different hobbies. But the price I have to pay for that is a hyperactive brain which can torture me with my racing thoughts and torturous ruminating.

I get a lot of advantages if I write here about my emotions and horrible past. It comforts me not being alone with my severe longterm suicidality and traumatas. My biggest benifit is the following. I am very self-reflective when I write here. I evaluate my mood which is really important in order to stay stable. The feedback I get is really helpful for me. It is a help for me to assess how and when I need emergency medication. And it is really like a valve.

My traumatas will shape my thinking as long as I live. I have come to terms with some of them. But they are influencing my behavior still in a severe way. There are things that just became pathological. I can analyze my behavior to a certain degree and I try to develop strategies to cope with them but I cannot turn them off. Leaving them behind is just no viable option for me. If I did that I would just become unstable again due to my obsessive behaviors. I always have to be reminded about my manic side and that I don't want to get manic again.

Then there is this saying your illness must not determine your life. I think this is kind of cyncial. My whole thinking and brain is shaped through my brain. I cannot change that. I only can try to find strategies how to cope with them. But ignoring them instead makes it way way worse.

Yeah that are my 50 cents on it. This is as I said my personal experience with it. For other people something else might be better. I tried to find it out also with the help of my therapists. Yeah they motivated me to keep trying.

 

[Endsticle]

How have you been lately? I really relate to this.

 

[noname223]

How have you been lately? I really relate to this.

I am rather in an ambivalent state. Today was a great day. I have met many of my friends. Though I have a very bad feeling about the near future. As if a catastrophe could happen which triggers my suicide. There are some developments I am scared about.

But when I am talking about the content of this thread: The best strategy I have found to cope with it is trying to find the right balance. I read a lot literature on mental illness and talked to many professionals. I tried to anaylze my weaknesses so that I can develop counter strategies. I think how they look like can be quite individual.
I am a person who tends to extreme behavior. Self-awareness and self-reflection were a necessity to find that out.

I think many of my behaviors are quite pathological. I tried to find a solution within the logic of my illnesses. I have some OCD behaviors for example just relaxing does not really work. One example of my best strategies. I am setting myself time limits. I was kind of a workaholic to a level which destroyed me. Time limits were quite effective. Writing in this forum distracts me of my college sorrows. But that is pretty individual.

My relation to the past, present and future is difficult. It depends on my mood for sure. I ruminate a lot. But due to the fact I want to stay productive I can somewhat concentrate on the present. For me setting a goal helped in this instance.

I hope this post might be helpful for you.

 

[Celerity]

I think talking about past traumas is useful only insofar as doing so can help you to 1) recognize that your current problems aren't 100% your fault and 2) remove yourself from bad people in your life who contributed to those traumas. In group therapy, I have seen people who overdo it. They spend most of their day locked in the past and can never move forward. That said, I think this is a bit of a chicken and egg thing: the people with very little hope of recovery are also the ones who will find it difficult to stop trauma dumping once they start. In this way, we cannot say that the incessant trauma dumping causes the poor outcome but rather the reverse.