Venting Is it rational for me to ctb

[311]

Have men who want to transition to women ever tried taking testosterone, would this work? And vice versa for females that want to become men.

 

[[NoName]]

Also, could we please stay on topic guys? She's not asking about the hows or whys of transistioning or de-transitioning. You're letting your own ideas of what being trans is populate this thread when she's asking for help.

Trans people get enough of this IRL.

 

[Shewaitsforme]

Have men who want to transition to women ever tried taking testosterone, would this work? And vice versa for females that want to become men.

Testosterone is a male hormone so why would mtf take it? You shouldnt make claims when you seem to not grasp the basics of male and female hormones

 

[BellaKAT]

there was a guy on here who killed himself after his penis and testicles got removed and he realised it was the wrong decision

this case is probably an exception but it shows once your penis is gone "detransitioning" is not so easy anymore

I think there are negative cases for every decision you can make. I think you can start slow with hormones and not with gender reassignment surgery right off the bat. but i don't alot about that process so don't mind me, also jessicastripout isn't asking your opinions on if gender reassignment surgery is right for her, she can make that choice on her own. I think questioning if that's not right for her isn't anyone in here's business or responsibility.

 

[Shewaitsforme]

Also, could we please stay on topic guys? She's not asking about the hows or whys of transistioning or de-transitioning. You're letting your own ideas of what being trans is populate this thread when she's asking for help.

Trans people get enough of this IRL.

Actually a few of us pointed out transitioning as an option as the poster wasnt sure about CTB. Someone seems to be suggesting it wouldnt help and infact increases suicidiality so its not derailing its providing information. If someone asks a question shoukd we ignore so we dont derail?

 

[Threads]

Hey, this user made a thread asking If it is rational for her to CTB.

They didn't create a thread trying to create a massive argument and brewing flame war about gender dysphoria.

Stop derailing this thread with this. If you want to discuss gender dysphoria in a meaningful way, create an off topic thread. This isn't the place for it.

 

[[NoName]]

Actually a few of us pointed out transitioning as an option as the poster wasnt sure about CTB. Someone seems to be suggesting it wouldnt help and infact increases suicidiality so its not derailing its providing information. If someone asks a question shoukd we ignore so we dont derail?

From their post, "Point being, I'm really tired of people parroting this line of thinking without understanding where it comes from and I've had to explain this to dozens of people.
Transitioning is the most effective treatment for gender dysphoria, the DSM 5 recommends it, practically every psychiatrist or counselor you meet will recommend it, and practically any endocrinologist office that works in tandem with counselors/psychiatrists will recommend it."

Posting incorrect information is not helpful. She has made it clear that transitioning would be not only useful, but the most effective treatment.

From professionals in the industry, not people who have not studied about being transgender.

I know there are other trans people in this forum who would be able to help her.

Jessica, if you're still looking in this thread try our discord group. There are trans women who post there regularly, and can understand you more than we ever could.

 

[Mixk009]

Suicide isn't about logic, rationality, or emotions. It's about what you want in life.

If you stub your toe and decide to suicide that's fine. If you fail college and decide to suicide that's fine. Anything is fine. AS LONG AS YOU WANT TO DIE. If you don't want to die there's no reason why you shouldn't be working on goals to improve things. Things can always get better. Or worse. Some things are out of our control. But, at the end of the day we guide ourselves where we want to be.

So is it rational for you to die? Idk do you want to die? If yes, then suicide. If no, then don't and work on goals.

The details don't matter. Life and suicide are basic rights for the living. It's up to you to live or die.

And also I'm a transgirl 2+ years on hrt.

Sorry if I'm not helpful. But I don't see why the details matter.

 

[RainAndSadness]

Hello, welcome in the forum.

I'm trans too and this is also the reason why I want to ctb. I started my transition back in June 2017 and it didn't solve my problems. That means I'm still suicidal and I plan to leave soon. Many trans people aren't satisfied with their transition but I would highly advise you to try it out at least. It can improve your situation. It can reduce your internal struggles to the point where life becomes enjoyable. But it can also make it even worse because transitioning doesn't always solve your gender dysphoria and it also can cause severe social implications. You will be visibly trans for a certain amount of time and it can cause reactions. And if your parents aren't supporting it's gonna be difficult. It all really depends if you're in a supporting environment. As far as I understand, it's a very important factor when it comes to the suicide rate of trans people. I know many young trans people who are suicidal and I know some who aren't. And there is no easy answer to your question. Transitioning can be a very difficult but also a fulfilling adventure. And it's gonna be a journey for sure. You will slowly notice progress and your body will change and this can be a positive experience. For example, I'm a transwoman and when I started to notice breast growth, stretch marks on my butts and a slowly changing body figure, it made me extremely happy. And you are very young. You are 18 years old. If you start your transition, you can expect very decent results. You shouldn't start your transition with high expectations but 18 years is a very good age to start your transition and you will be a completely different person in a few years. I know some who started with 17, 16 years and they're already in a very good spot just after a few months. So I say, give it a try. It would be very sad if you left without *trying* at least. You have very good conditions to pass and a chance for a decent life in the future. I started my transition with 22 years and if I was able to start with 18, I would probably not suffer as much as I do right now. I would probably pass a little bit better and my gender dysphoria would be a lot weaker I assume. I hope I could help you and give you some insight into the possibilities. It can be overwhelming but your situation isn't hopeless either. Maybe you will look back in 5 years and feel very relieved that you gave hormones a chance to solve your problems. Good luck. As someone who was in the same position as you and as a fellow trans person, I totally understand your struggles and I wish you the best.

 

[Thoughtforms]

The fact you are asking strangers on the internet this pretty much means definitely no

I hate the cliche of it does get better... but at 18 it's very very very likely that your best days are still ahead of you

You could get a job helping other trans people or abuse victims, like a therapist or a voluneteer. Loads of jobs in LGBT communities. You could really make a difference to other people's lives instead of wasting it on a death

 

[ouvreyes]

Ultimately, from what you've shared, I do think it is "rational"; being raised in an environment like that is insane, and it makes sense that you'd be unmotivated after it. I really don't wanna echo some of the things already said, but I do see some worth in holding on until you can transition. I may be projecting a bit (I'm 17 and trans), but even if you die right after the euphoria of looking in a mirror and identifying with what you see, at least you got to feel it. Or something. I have a really close friend who was in a sorta similar situation to you, who completely disconnected from their parents and transitioned, and I won't pretend like life's lost all hardship for them, but the improvement in their mental health was pretty incredible to watch. Not to say "if this person can do it you can too!!", just to make the case that it is technically possible. But I know moving isn't cheap, and transitioning doesn't happen over night, and you've been through a lot. So something something choice is yours, I'd personally understand either path you take.

 

[onewayroad]

Suicide isn't about logic, rationality, or emotions. It's about what you want in life.

If you stub your toe and decide to suicide that's fine. If you fail college and decide to suicide that's fine. Anything is fine. AS LONG AS YOU WANT TO DIE. If you don't want to die there's no reason why you shouldn't be working on goals to improve things. Things can always get better. Or worse. Some things are out of our control. But, at the end of the day we guide ourselves where we want to be.

So is it rational for you to die? Idk do you want to die? If yes, then suicide. If no, then don't and work on goals.

The details don't matter. Life and suicide are basic rights for the living. It's up to you to live or die.

And also I'm a transgirl 2+ years on hrt.

Sorry if I'm not helpful. But I don't see why the details matter.

I see what you're saying, but I think rationality is very important in deciding if you are going to ctb or not.

For example, if you have a terrible illness that is extremely painful but will only last a week, it's probably not a good idea to ctb because you will be fine in the future.

But if that illness is going to be permanent and you have tried every available treatment for it, maybe it is the best option.

I think age doesn't matter, what matters is the severity of your suffering and how sure you are that it's permanent. This kind of rational thinking is very important in deciding if your circumstances warrant suicide.

 

[Logic]

I'm going to give a background to who I am and why I want to die

I'm 18 years old.
I have severe complex post traumatic stress disorder from very extensive abuse from a young age up until this year.
I'm transgender male to female, I was abused in part due to this, and alot of my trauma is related to not being able to see myself as a woman because of abuse, and intrusive thoughts due to being forced to act like a male for years.

My parents and sister abused me, my dad physically abused me, mentally abused me, threatened to kill me, and denied me healthcare when I needed it.
My sister tried to stab me several times and physically attacked me, and in general made my life hell.
My mom was complacent in all of this and shamed me anytime I tried to stand up for myself.

Every single day consists of rooting my way through dysphoria from not being physically a woman, rooting my way through intrusive thoughts, and rooting my way through existential dread.

There has been only one single time in my life I've felt genuine joy and peace, and it's when I realized around age 11 that I'm transgender, for a while I felt genuine hope and happiness because I could imagine myself as a girl and as a genuine human being, not a disassociated husk.

Then my parents found out, and screamed at me, and screamed and screamed.

I was put in a religious school for 2 years and ever since then I've felt nothing but very severe disassociation, nothing but utter misery, I've been taking hormones but due to medical issues I've not even been able to transition.

I have no real desire to live anymore and every day is just nonstop suffering.

I have the ability to transition now, but I don't know if i should keep fighting to do it, or just give up now because theres still so much suffering and emptiness ahead of me, and I don't even know if it's possible to save my mind anymore, or if it's left me.

If I get anyone telling me "that trans stuff is nonsense" I'm just blocking them immediately, I've heard it for my entire god damn life.

Life being worth it is a value-not a fact. However life feeling worth it is based on environment and brain chemistry. It seems like you want to commit suicide becuase of the shitty life situation and environment you have been in. If you change environmental factors enough-it will change your brain chem and you will feel like life is worth living atleast generally. (Not always you could have some unusual brain issue) The problem is how do you determine what these issues are and how do you implement it? How long will you likely feel life Is not worth living in comparison to life being worth it? These are very complex questions. My recommendation would be to try whatever you think is reasonable-change environmental factors that work for a lot of people and see if that works.

 

[Hunter]

You're young. I've seen people lash out when telling people your age not to ctb so I'm choosing my words carefully.

If I was you... which obviously I could never be... I would give myself a deadline to observe change and try everything I could to exert change over my external circumstances. Since you're able bodied, that could mean a lot of things. Perhaps working, saving money and moving to an area where you can be around other people who are or have tried to transition, or an area where people are more open minded about gender expression/identity. You need community. I'm not saying the pathway to this is easy because I know trans people struggle with employment, but it's one possible idea/route.

Dealing with your ptsd is a different battle and I won't sugarcoat it. It's likely something you will always deal with as an abuse survivor but it's not impossible.

I'm a personal believer that sometimes SI is a function of doubt because all options haven't been explored yet. If you know in your heart you tried everything you could and can't do anymore, and your issues are irreversible, then you'll know when it's time to ctb.

 

[J Tizzle]

I'm so sorry for the abuse and struggles you have gone through. You did not deserve to be harmed and mistreated by family.

I'm not trying to compare situations here, I just want to share my experience. I was abused growing up and wanted to ctb very much when I was 18. It took time and patience to work through the bullshit, but when I did, I really did find happiness, joy, and freedom. There are many ways to find this, and for me, it was so worth it.

Currently my desire to ctb comes from extensive health problems which are limiting my ability to work and support myself. But honestly, my abuse and trauma from childhood doesn't make the list, and day to day, I'm still free from it.

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way and have had such a hard life so far. I hope you can find peace.