Is it possible to help someone who is suicidal without revealing that you yourself are?

[ddimd]

Wait, is it even possible to help if you yourself still want to ctb? How would you go about doing if so?

Recently, I suspect that my sister might be suicidal too. Her partner messaged me and said that they had a quarrel and she told him that she was going to kill herself, and could I please make sure that she doesn't. She came home that day and seemed in a bad mood, which was expected if they quarreled, but the next day she was in a better mood so I don't know for sure if she is suicidal. But why I would think that is because she's taken drugs in the past, and she most likely has depression too. She's also jokingly mentioned a few times about dying from things like stomach pain but it's hard to tell. However, she is still making plans ahead for things like going to the gym so I am hopeful that she isn't really suicidal.

I still would like to help her if possible, but I don't know how to without saying that I can relate to that. We are on ok terms, but we don't really talk about feelings and serious things like that in our family, so I don't know how to even bring it up with her. I know how shitty it is to feel that way, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemies.

(I myself am still planning to ctb, but decided to postpone it for a period of time because of certain circumstances. I've been in a slightly better place the past few months, nothing amazing but at least better than in agonising depression.)

 

[CynicalHopelessness]

Sorry if that sounds cruel. I doubt it's technically possible to help somebody without helping yourself first. Your other options are to either give general advice which we both know is BS, or try to empathize with the person while being blatantly dishonest.

 

[Mr2005]

I try despite being more suicidal than the people I'm trying to help. That's why I do it though because I believe they can be helped

 

[Midnight]

Well i've tried in the past but it's extremely hard to hide the fact you have been or are in the same (or even worse) state of mind. It's the way you understand their struggle,their emotions that will give you away. Also your view about death itself can be an indicator to the one you are trying to help. Anyway that's my experience with it... As with everything "your mileage may vary".

I hope you can help that person and also yourself if at all possible. Good luck.

Sorry if that sounds cruel. I doubt it's technically possible to help somebody without helping yourself first. Your other options are to either give general advice which we both know is BS, or try to empathize with the person while being blatantly dishonest.

For me it was possible to be there for some irl and listen to their problems regardless of how i felt inside while doing so. I did find it exceptionally hard on myself though ... But in the end i think that being there and understanding has brought at least some relief for the other person ... Even if it was not "help".

I do agree that it's easy to bring up meaningless platitudes,general advice even though i myself would roll my eyes hearing them. But it's difficult to hide your own thoughts without using the more general bs we use to comfort people.

It's a difficult matter for sure.

 

[pole]

it's definitely possible but the person who's helping has to be on an emotional level, strong enough to carry both their own weight and shoulder the weight of others. much of the time, it's just difficult to shoulder the weight and problems of others while dealing with our own.

but is it impossible? definitely not. you've felt the way she does, you've dealt with the emotions that she's feeling. you know what to say, it's figuring out how to say it honestly. you don't have to reveal that you're suicidal if you don't want to. you can talk about how you relate with her emotions nonethless, outside of just suicidal tendencies; talk about her experience and what she's going through and empathize with her, talk about the emotions shes feeling because of it.

you can show her she isn't alone, and talk about everything shes feeling and exclude the suicidal ideation and tendencies if you don't want to reveal you're own suicidal ideation. tell her you feel the way she's felt, in regards to the emotions shes feeling, etc. create boundaries, where you think about what you wanna say (discussion of MH, emotions and feelings, etc) and the boundaries you dont want to cross, which is suicidal tendencies and ideations as a whole.

just cause advice or empathy isn't able to be applicable to YOU at this time doesn't mean it can't applicable or done to help SOMEONE ELSE at this time. were all different. you may not be able to apply this advice to yourself, but you may be able to apply it to someone who's in need of advice and a shoulder to cry on. the ability to think about others outside of you're own sorrow and heartache is tremendous strength. and it's amazing how you feel for you're sister and even consider wanting to help you're sister.

to me, you should. and as stated, figure out a way that stops you're discussion with her from getting to a point where it reveals a ton about you, if you want you're suicidal ideations to be hidden. i really do empathize and understand you cause i was definitely at a point like this and even though i was suicidal, me not being able to HELP MYSELF didn't stop me from wanting to help the next person, cause i knew how it felt to be alone and wanting someone to talk to.

we cant be dependent on helping ourselves, sometimes we need someone to help us through these dark times and that totally applies for you're sister. you've never had these emotional conversations with her it seems, perhaps this can be a start. you'd ask how? well place yourself in the shoes of you're sister. imagine you as you're sister right now. what would you want someone to tell you? how would you want someone to help you? putting yourself in the position of others whom are hurting and imagining yourself in their shoes helps me alot in understanding and answering these questions.

hope this helps in anyway possible and i hope you and you're sister find peace. take care.