Is it possible to enjoy life (to the fullest) before suicide or is it just all toil?

[Crash_Bash_Dash]

After spending the week and a half almost entirely as shut-in and mostly in bed, I finally made myself to take a shower (I was without shower for like a week), took care of the dishes, vacuumed a little and made proper food (well, I have been without food or eaten improperly for all this time). I even went outside to pick-up some groceries from my local grocery store.

During my way there I thought constatly and during those chores too sometimes that is this proper attempt to make my daily life even a bit better even worth it because in back of my skull, there is always looming a constant, persistent feeling that this is going to end someday in the near future anyway and it makes me feel that everything that I do, I don't do in full throttle but with an half of a mind-power. I would really like to enjoy the moments when I am not focusing on ending it all but the severe and steadfast thought of suicide penetretates my mind like a sharp arrow when my brain operates on/thinks of something. I have somewhat thought before that people would typically live to their fullest in their final days before suicide takes a place. Is this the case or not?

 

[ferrie]

I think the final days before suicide are actually the hardest. Personally, whenever I was close to an attempt I would flip on a dime back and forth between an unnatural calm and feeling like I was spiraling into a breakdown. Even the calm didn't feel good because it was noticeably artificial. I think it's really hard to enjoy life in the countdown to ctb bc the circumstances that lead to suicide are heart breaking. Suicide is an incredibly difficult decision, not an enjoyable one. There may be a feeling of readiness, but that's never going to be the same as living life to the fullest

 

[Onelegman]

I understand you, the few times that I manage to do things I get my mind a little better, so to speak. But the idea that it will be the last time I see that family member, or do that thing, reminds me that the countdown is getting shorter and shorter.

I think people manage to live because their minds are always busy doing things, going shopping, cooking... but my head doesn't let me enjoy almost anything anymore.