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WaitWithoutHope

WaitWithoutHope

Member
Aug 20, 2021
20
Damn squirrels
 
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fox_wannabe

fox_wannabe

Enlightened
Jul 7, 2021
1,112
I struggle to communicate with others in ways that are in any way satisfying or meaningful. I started out feeling like I'm something weird and unrelatable, then end up BECOMING weird and unrelatable.
I just simply have nothing to talk about because I have interest in nothing. Like I cannot talk about anything, because I just sit in my house for last 2 years waiting for death patiently. Like yesterday I spoke with my auntie, and It looked like she was only one speaking there. She spoke about her job, personal development, going to psychiatrist, her ex, her son and all that bullshit I couldn't give less fuck about. really. People think they are so f important. That they are such a hot shit, carrier, kids, future. I just cannot and do not want to play this game.
 
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Antigonish

Antigonish

Mage
Sep 19, 2020
593
@Antigonish

I've never met a single person in my entire lifetime who was happy and suicidal. If that's the case, they were probably depressed and hiding it well
I thought the same
I'm usually at my happiest when I'm thinking about ways to ctb. If you ever see a person with headphones standing at a corner during on coming traffic with a dazed look in there eyes and a shitface eating grin on their face. Then I'd say you have.
You believe just discontant is enough to overcome SI?
I dont believe anything. Only that the realm of possibilities is always limitless.
I don't think so, but I'm biased because I'm suicidal and have ideations, and may go through with it soon. I made poor decisions that lead up to this point in my life.

Throughout the rest of my life before this, I've never had suicidal thoughts unless I was super depressed
I've been having suicidal thoughts since I was like 8. I'm 24 now.
 
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PeacefulTonic

Enlightened
Aug 10, 2021
1,006
I'm usually at my happiest when I'm thinking about ways to ctb. If you ever see a person with headphones standing at a corner during on coming traffic with a dazed look in there eyes and a shitface eating grin on their face. Then I'd say you have.

I dont believe anything. Only that the realm of possibilities is always limitless.

I've been having suicidal thoughts since I was like 8. I'm 24 now.
You're happiest when you're thinking of ways to ctb, because you're depressed and suffering and can't wait to get out of this world. You're confusing it with actually being in a state of happiness, full of life, and wanting to live.

I'll say it again, I've never met someone in my entire lifetime who was happy and wanted to ctb
 
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Antigonish

Antigonish

Mage
Sep 19, 2020
593
You're happiest when you're thinking of ways to ctb, because you're depressed and suffering and can't wait to get out of this world. You're confusing it with actually being in a state of happiness, full of life, and wanting to live.

I'll say it again, I've never met someone in my entire lifetime who was happy and wanted to ctb
Well I'm not depressed. Not always anyways. I have my depressive lows at times. That can last for months. But I do have my relative states of happiness. I probably would've been dead if I wasnt trying to enjoy the little things life has to offer. Sleezy jokes, good sitcoms, etc. My need to ctb is because I just dont feel like I belong. Doesn't make me sad. But can lead to my depressive bouts. Especially when people say things like get in, where you fit in. Sometimes I feel like a burden. Or like I'm stealing oxygen from the people around me. But oddly enough because I'm an introvert I enjoy solitude. Until I don't. Either way. I do feel happiness, legitimately. And that can't be taken away from me. I want to ctb, even though I cant always understand why. And that too belongs to me.
 
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PeacefulTonic

Enlightened
Aug 10, 2021
1,006
Well I'm not depressed. Not always anyways. I have my depressive lows at times. That can last for months. But I do have my relative states of happiness. I probably would've been dead if I wasnt trying to enjoy the little things life has to offer. Sleezy jokes, good sitcoms, etc. My need to ctb is because I just dont feel like I belong. Doesn't make me sad. But can lead to my depressive bouts. Especially when people say things like get in, where you fit in. Sometimes I feel like a burden. Or like I'm stealing oxygen from the people around me. But oddly enough because I'm an introvert I enjoy solitude. Until I don't. Either way. I do feel happiness, legitimately. And that can't be taken away from me. I want to ctb, even though I cant always understand why. And that too belongs to me.
Maybe you're an outlier. I don't know enough about you and your life to make anymore assumptions or judgments. Perhaps a therapist(yea yea, most people here hate them, one personally wouldn't help my situation) can sort out some feelings and help you understand yourself better
 
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Antigonish

Antigonish

Mage
Sep 19, 2020
593
Maybe you're an outlier. I don't know enough about you and your life to make anymore assumptions or judgments. Perhaps a therapist(yea yea, most people here hate them, one personally wouldn't help my situation) can sort out some feelings and help you understand yourself better
Yep I totally agree. Just the health care system in my country sucks. And apparently when it comes to mental health. They'll look at you like it's just in your head. Apparently knowing you have the problem is just as good if not better then fixing it. :eh:
 
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R

rs929

Mage
Dec 18, 2020
579
Yes it is possible BUT I think a really big % of suicides are caused by depression, and all those folks thought they were being rational about it.

In other words, yes, suicide can be a rational choice but in practice most people are not being rational when they take their own lives.

The big question would be how to actually tell if you're being rational when you want to die or you wouldn't want it if you weren't depressed.

I think most of us don't really want to die, we just want to stop the pain. And depression causes a whole lot of pain.
 
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ChuChunDra

New Member
Aug 12, 2021
1
think most of us don't really want to die, we just want to stop the pain.
Sorry for my English

Absolutely. Failure to dull pain is the cause of suicidal thoughts.

Most write that something is wrong with the world and society. Brainwashing, etc. Society is all right. Life is a series of black and white. The desire to remove pain and leave only pleasure is the cause of all unhappiness. You have been given many tools to deal with pain: dreams, hopes, goals, desires, marketing, religion, politics, sports, sex, alcohol, drugs, etc.
A person can use any of these methods, for the most part these methods work, and this will force him to continue playing.
After all, even terminally ill people for the most part grab onto life in all possible ways.

Ask yourself a question and try to answer honestly. How will you stay in the game and be ready to continue? what needs to change? and what life needs to be in order for it to be worthy of continuation? The fact that we are still sitting here and discussing all this suggests that we do not really want to die.

and that is also a method. All these discussions, thoughts about suicide are not the Action. These are just ONLY words. Which also give us PLEASURE, like another person - sex, food, relationships, making money, sports, drugs.
 
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Unicron

Unicron

Member
Oct 28, 2021
17
Depression comes in many forms, often it's it's just hopelessness or boredom repackaged.

Death is the ultimate end for us anyway so it's often tempting just to advance the date to save ourselves the agony.
 
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Ch92921

Ch92921

The call of the void
Dec 29, 2018
909
So what allot of people dont know is that depression is not sadness all the time really. It more of the lack there of. An emotional apathy. The feeling of nothingness. I googled the other day, what it meant that I could no longer cry. And tops results said it was a sign of depression. I mean I have allergies so tears come naturally. Just when I feel like it, I can't.

I also know that sometimes you can be happy and totally suicidal.

List of things that cause suicidal behavior:
Discontent
Medication
Financial troubles
The feeling that things are just too much to handle
Pressure
Feelings of not belonging
Trauma
Regret
The feeling that things are as good as they're ever gonna get for you
Etc.
4 and 5 are pretty the same.
 
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JustAMatterOfTime

JustAMatterOfTime

Fragile
Mar 21, 2021
905
Certainly, anxiety has always been far more of a problem for me than depression and is frankly crushing at times. If I CTB anytime soon it will definitely be because of anxiety one way or another.
 
Source Energy

Source Energy

I want to be where people areN'T...
Jan 23, 2023
705
Yes. I'm past the stage of depression. I used to sit around and cry for hours, and indulge in negative thoughts. Not anymore. I now go to the gym, have body goals, practice gratitude, BUT...the pain is still there, and some days it is agonizing. Other days it works to distract myself, but I feel it in my heart...deep down, inside, I know that c.t.b is the best solution for me. Once I find that N, I go bye-bye
The suicide rate per age is greatest in old age. Makes aging depressive or will SI become weaker in old age? I think SI will bother us less if death is inevitable.

I cannot feel why life is bad, I enjoy every day. Aging is the only imposition of life. So it´s only logic to cut off the appendix of life that is not worth living. Why I am not dead yet? I am still afraid that I could miss something.
wow. I envy you. I enjoy some aspects of life, but the ones I don't enjoy are much bigger and stronger. I never could have what is most important for me in life, and that definitely darkens any bright day. There is nothing I am afraid I could miss...just more years of the same, of being sad and empty inside.
 
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F

Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
12,148
I definitely think there are cases where people are simply 'saving' themselves from a horrible future. Some people even here actually want to keep living but they simply can't find a way of fixing the problems they have.

If I have depression related ideation- (which I'm not entirely denying-I don't really know,) then I've been depressed for 33 years to varying degrees. I definitely wouldn't say it was severe though. Not debhilitating anyway. I wouldn't be let off work for it I suspect- I doubt I'd be able to claim benefits. If I murdered someone else (not that I want to by the way)- I wouldn't be let off with an insanity plea. Yet, if I killed myself- I have no doubt it would be seen as a result of mental illness and depression.

If anything- it's become a part of my character. I'm not sure I'd even recognise myself if I no longer felt like this-part of the reason I'm not looking to 'get better'.

More importantly though- because it concerns soundness of mind and right to choose- I think I'm perfectly capable of making rational decisions about my own life. I feel perfectly capable of apraising my current situation- realising that life really isn't worth it (for me.) I don't want to put in the enormous amount of effort required to change it- I just want out.
 
L

lionetta12

Just a random person
Aug 5, 2022
1,274
I'm not even that sad about the fact that I'll kill myself soon, It's more of a thing to look forward to. It sometimes even gets me through the day when you know that It'll all be over soon and It's not too long until you ctb.
I look at suicide as giving the world the finger and just logging off this shitty planet, I feel like It's a way around all the pain, like a cheatcode.
I'll be peacefully chilling in the void not existing and everyone else is gonna be suffering in this shitty gulag we call 'life'.
I don't think I have depression despite being suicidal, and I am 95% sure I will go through with it. Do you think It's even realistic or am I just in denial?
Edit: I apologize if this is a stupid question.
I mean there's people who suicide because they are eager to meet God and so on so I guess it's possible. There's also people who want to CTB due to philosophical reasons.
 

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