Discussion Is it possible for people to act like their life is perfect?

[madbananas]

Kind of as I say really. I feel a failure for not being a typical adult in that I don't have a partner. I had someone who apparently loved me now we have just drifted because of situations. Then I had another person who stated they loved me. Who I actually love. As in I'd be devastated for them to leave me but also I will always have heart space for them (and this has happened to me before - I love more than one person, always will from now on). This person also stated they love me and I suppose I'm just looking for help to not over or underthink that right now. The person who told me they love me is aware of my situation and my struggles. The most knowledgeable and understanding person. Am I wrong for thinking this makes me happy
And by my actual question, like is it normal for societal happiness to be overrated? As in everyone who is going on about amazing life's they lead (which I'm glad) to not necessarily be as amazing in the long run as it seems. I feel like an alien

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I say do whatever makes you the happiest! Just know that people love to throw around the word "love" so be careful with your heart. As for acting if your life is perfect, people act all the time so of course.

 

[madbananas]

I say do whatever makes you the happiest! Just know that people love to throw around the word "love" so be careful with your heart. As for acting if your life is perfect, people act all the time so of course.

Thank you. I'm literally someone who can be shat on and have heart space for people as in I feel i love them whatever my life takes me, away from them or not. It's sucky because I would love the traditional romance and partnership but I don't think I'm made for that for some reason. And I'd also love to be someone who can rid of people as I please, but I literally can't. Some of those people also want to say to me "that's not love" because of my certain emotional issues but I would argue the other way. Emotional issues and love aren't mutually exclusive.
Thank you for the thoughtful reply

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Thank you. I'm literally someone who can be shat on and have heart space for people as in I feel i love them whatever my life takes me, away from them or not. It's sucky because I would love the traditional romance and partnership but I don't think I'm made for that for some reason. And I'd also love to be someone who can rid of people as I please, but I literally can't. Some of those people also want to say to me "that's not love" because of my certain emotional issues but I would argue the other way. Emotional issues and love aren't mutually exclusive.
Thank you for the thoughtful reply

You're alot like me then. We give and care too much. Unfortunately people like to abuse that and take advantage of it. Don't let it change who you are but also be weary of those trying to take advantage.

Love has always been a complicated and fragile thing. But dating and relationships these days have gotten much more shallow and troublesome. I sincerely wish you the best and I hope you're able to build a strong bond

 

[madbananas]

You're alot like me then. We give and care too much. Unfortunately people like to abuse that and take advantage of it. Don't let it change who you are but also be weary of those trying to take advantage.

Love has always been a complicated and fragile thing. But dating and relationships these days have gotten much more shallow and troublesome. I sincerely wish you the best and I hope you're able to build a strong bond

Thank you so much and nice (but also I'm
Sorry) to meet someone similar to me. I keep on getting blamed for my attachment whether I avoid or trust in people because I literally have been let down by basically everyone. Yet they'd all be "oh so upset" if I died. Thank you again for taking the time to respond. This kind of thing makes me actually feel cared about compared to welfare checks people will send to cover their own hacks

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Thank you so much and nice (but also I'm
Sorry) to meet someone similar to me. I keep on getting blamed for my attachment whether I avoid or trust in people because I literally have been let down by basically everyone. Yet they'd all be "oh so upset" if I died. Thank you again for taking the time to respond. This kind of thing makes me actually feel cared about compared to welfare checks people will send to cover their own hacks

You're very welcome. Don't worry about any "blame" they might have for you. Just keep doing what you do, I'm here if you ever need to chat.

 

[madbananas]

You're very welcome. Don't worry about any "blame" they might have for you. Just keep doing what you do, I'm here if you ever need to chat.

Thank you. Crying right now lol just wish I would ctb already. Had a stupid tarot reading done which just told me I would be struggling with emotion again in 3 months time. I wouldn't normally believe in these things but the reading seems right and I just want to die

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Thank you. Crying right now lol just wish I would ctb already. Had a stupid tarot reading done which just told me I would be struggling with emotion again in 3 months time. I wouldn't normally believe in these things but the reading seems right and I just want to die

No need to thank me and I didn't mean to upset you if I did. I don't put any stock in things like tarot cards.

But if you believe something to be true you could self sabotage to make it that way. Just believe in yourself and create your own path. Advice is helpful at times, but you should never let it be the deciding factor.

 

[madbananas]

No need to thank me and I didn't mean to upset you if I did. I don't put any stock in things like tarot cards.

But if you believe something to be true you could self sabotage to make it that way. Just believe in yourself and create your own path. Advice is helpful at times, but you should never let it be the deciding factor.

Thank you no you didn't upset me the tarot reading did because it felt very accurate. I'm so alone and need to ctb.

 

[Viro_Major]

I say do whatever makes you the happiest! Just know that people love to throw around the word "love" so be careful with your heart. As for acting if your life is perfect, people act all the time so of course.

Hum. It rings a bell True love, meant, is scarce

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Thank you no you didn't upset me the tarot reading did because it felt very accurate. I'm so alone and need to ctb.

Take your time to formulate your options. You're never fully alone as long as you're here.

Hum. It rings a bell True love is scarce

It rings many bells for me too! You've got to love all those flashbacks huh?

 

[Viro_Major]

I try to put them in the closet and lock the door away. And give more chance to those who may be less exuberant love but sticky and prove theirs further. In other words, resist to the song of the sirens, see through the mascara...

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Yes you can act as if your life is perfect even if it isn't, but that will wear you down eventually.

 

[mr.smileysad]

you can definitely ACT like your life is "perfect" but there is no such thing. there are a lot of people who have gone their entire life without having so much as a bf/gf

 

[GrumpyFrog]

And by my actual question, like is it normal for societal happiness to be overrated? As in everyone who is going on about amazing life's they lead (which I'm glad) to not necessarily be as amazing in the long run as it seems.

Firstly, there are actually many people that prefer to pretend they are highly successful and happy with their life even when they really aren't, because for them admitting they are unhappy for them is like admitting they failed at life. And secondly, "societal happiness" is tricky because someone else might be feeling they are living an amazing life, but if you're put in their shoes you could be extremely unhappy.

Had a stupid tarot reading done which just told me I would be struggling with emotion again in 3 months time. I wouldn't normally believe in these things but the reading seems right and I just want to die

Let me tell you something about tarot readings. My mother used to give tarot readings (along with other kinds of fortune telling, but tarot was always the most popular) sort of professionally for years, she used to be fairly well-known locally as, I kid you not, a psychic. As a kid/young teen I was very curious about what she was doing and read a lot of literature on tarot that she owned, as well as observed her working and asked her questions. And I can definitely tell you two things:
1) I studied tarot cards rather extensively (not proud to admit it, I had weird hobbies in high school). They simply aren't intended for giving predictions like the one you describe, they don't tell you "x is going to happen to you in y time". Their meaning is way more vague, it is just general life advice "things aren't always like what they seem to be" (The Moon), "everything eventually ends" (Death), "don't focus on what you lack or you might miss what you have" (Four of Cups) etc. All further interpretation is up to you.
2) "Psychics" are just good at psychology, they know how to figure out what you expect to hear from the questions you ask and subtle clues in your appearance and behavior, and then give you that exact information with some random trivia basically pulled out of their ass ("in 3 months time") mixed in. That is information straight from the source, aka my "psychic" mother. It seems real because they are going out of their way for it to seem real, and the actual meaning of the cards you have laid out in front of you is fairly irrelevant.
So please don't take that load of BS to heart. You just got a "reading" from a scam artist, they know nothing about what will happen to you.

 

[catalepsy]

What makes you happy is what makes you happy. I don't think there's really any right or wrong when it comes to how you feel about things. But having some kind of validation like you describe would to my mind qualify - it's a wonderful thing to have someone who knows your flaws tell you something like that despite knowing.

About acting like someone has a perfect life: My current roommate and her boyfriend moved in with me about a year ago. When they first moved in, they seemed like a really great couple, guy was charming and helpful, she was sweet and liked cleaning/cooking, felt like a really good change for once. Then one day I heard some weird noise coming from their room - door was half open, so I walked over to see what was going on and found the boyfriend pinning the girl to the floor and strangling her while whispering hateful things in her ear and smacking her around. I only have one roommate now - dude is banished from the apartment forever on pain of getting shot on sight. Appearances are definitely deceiving.

 

[madbananas]

Firstly, there are actually many people that prefer to pretend they are highly successful and happy with their life even when they really aren't, because for them admitting they are unhappy for them is like admitting they failed at life. And secondly, "societal happiness" is tricky because someone else might be feeling they are living an amazing life, but if you're put in their shoes you could be extremely unhappy.


Let me tell you something about tarot readings. My mother used to give tarot readings (along with other kinds of fortune telling, but tarot was always the most popular) sort of professionally for years, she used to be fairly well-known locally as, I kid you not, a psychic. As a kid/young teen I was very curious about what she was doing and read a lot of literature on tarot that she owned, as well as observed her working and asked her questions. And I can definitely tell you two things:
1) I studied tarot cards rather extensively (not proud to admit it, I had weird hobbies in high school). They simply aren't intended for giving predictions like the one you describe, they don't tell you "x is going to happen to you in y time". Their meaning is way more vague, it is just general life advice "things aren't always like what they seem to be" (The Moon), "everything eventually ends" (Death), "don't focus on what you lack or you might miss what you have" (Four of Cups) etc. All further interpretation is up to you.
2) "Psychics" are just good at psychology, they know how to figure out what you expect to hear from the questions you ask and subtle clues in your appearance and behavior, and then give you that exact information with some random trivia basically pulled out of their ass ("in 3 months time") mixed in. That is information straight from the source, aka my "psychic" mother. It seems real because they are going out of their way for it to seem real, and the actual meaning of the cards you have laid out in front of you is fairly irrelevant.
So please don't take that load of BS to heart. You just got a "reading" from a scam artist, they know nothing about what will happen to you.

Thank you so much for the time you've taken for that reply :)
It's horrible because I do in general feel really out of control of my life and what's important to me, which is scary, so it makes sense that I'm really gullible to tarot readers. Thanks again. I also give a lot of details in my questions so I've had readings where it's basically like they've picked the exact cards to my reading, and not shuffled the cards in front of me over the video.
I just wish I were one of those people who could just get on with things and move on easily.

What makes you happy is what makes you happy. I don't think there's really any right or wrong when it comes to how you feel about things. But having some kind of validation like you describe would to my mind qualify - it's a wonderful thing to have someone who knows your flaws tell you something like that despite knowing.

About acting like someone has a perfect life: My current roommate and her boyfriend moved in with me about a year ago. When they first moved in, they seemed like a really great couple, guy was charming and helpful, she was sweet and liked cleaning/cooking, felt like a really good change for once. Then one day I heard some weird noise coming from their room - door was half open, so I walked over to see what was going on and found the boyfriend pinning the girl to the floor and strangling her while whispering hateful things in her ear and smacking her around. I only have one roommate now - dude is banished from the apartment forever on pain of getting shot on sight. Appearances are definitely deceiving.

I'm so sorry for what happened to your roommate and yourself (must have been scary seeing that). Glad he is banished!!

you can definitely ACT like your life is "perfect" but there is no such thing. there are a lot of people who have gone their entire life without having so much as a bf/gf

That's me so far. 25 and never been in a relationship. Makes me sad because all I've ever wanted was the "settling down" life.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

25 and never been in a relationship. Makes me sad because all I've ever wanted was the "settling down" life.

The "settled down" people are the worst offenders when it comes to pretending their life is good when it's not.
I know a lot of people that "settled down" around your age, so I understand that it might seem like everyone around you is getting engaged, married, starts a family etc. I felt like that too not that long ago. But honestly, I can't name a single example of a couple that "settled down" in their early 20s and didn't either break up or became miserable within the first 3 years. Romantic relationships are way less attractive than they might appear when you look in from the outside.

 

[madbananas]

The "settled down" people are the worst offenders when it comes to pretending their life is good when it's not.
I know a lot of people that "settled down" around your age, so I understand that it might seem like everyone around you is getting engaged, married, starts a family etc. I felt like that too not that long ago. But honestly, I can't name a single example of a couple that "settled down" in their early 20s and didn't either break up or became miserable within the first 3 years. Romantic relationships are way less attractive than they might appear when you look in from the outside.

Thank you. You've made me feel a bit better about my situation :)