So.... I just cooked up the wildest stuff. The new plan is to avoid everyone, and if I feel like " oh I think I am close enough to this person/ I trust them", I run. This is to save myself the pain. I don't plan to allow anyone to get close, nor do I plan to allow myself to feel close to someone. I want to run. I want to kill that little bud of hope that arises within me whenever someone talks semi- regularly with me. I know that I'm weird and eccentric. My heart just won't accept that my weirdness is isolating. It'll always want to make me weak, and feel safe with someone. I don't want to want company anymore.
If there's a better way of killing the hope everytime it rears it's ugly head, please tell me.
P. S. It's not exclusively about romantic rejection. I've considered CTB but I don't want to sadden my parents.
If there's a better way of killing the hope everytime it rears it's ugly head, please tell me.
P. S. It's not exclusively about romantic rejection. I've considered CTB but I don't want to sadden my parents.
