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Xdyzine

Xdyzine

Of all the things I lost, I miss my mind the most.
Nov 19, 2020
66
I was just wondering for other people's input , the job I've been working since the past three years has taken a serious toll on my mental and physical well being. It's also a major reason of why I want to CTB. I already fucked up my career. What's the point now?. I'm stuck and really lost.
 
waterstrider

waterstrider

cold
Nov 29, 2020
400
I think you should be certain if you want to go this route. Having a method, having tried out the procedure and still having the funds to live a little longer without working all come into play.
If you are sure 100 % sure you want to ctb and have it all planned out then I think it might be good thing to take off a few weeks/months to clear your head.
Other than that you could also try and stop your addiction and change your job.
Best of luck!
 
Shades of Grey

Shades of Grey

Student
Jun 17, 2020
183
If your job is a major factor in your desire to end your life, I think you owe it to yourself to quit. Obviously, I don't know any of the details of your financial/employment situations, but no job is worth your life. Ever.

Workplace dysfunction can have a very real, detrimental impact on one's physical and mental well-being. (I've been there.) I would strongly encourage you not to make any life and death decisions until you have removed yourself from that environment.
 
Xdyzine

Xdyzine

Of all the things I lost, I miss my mind the most.
Nov 19, 2020
66
The thought of CTB has and always will be in my head everyday and I would have to say that yes, this job is a major factor towards my depression and physical well being.
I will have a small nest egg to last a few months and maybe have a chance of recovery.
Related to my work, I would work 9 to 8 with practically no breaks because I'm practically doing 2 to 3 people's work due to lack of experienced staff or just lack of staff.
I also suffer from autoimmune related diseases, so I took up benzo's as a way to numb myself inorder to work. But without a doubt .. I've given up now.
I think you should be certain if you want to go this route. Having a method, having tried out the procedure and still having the funds to live a little longer without working all come into play.
If you are sure 100 % sure you want to ctb and have it all planned out then I think it might be good thing to take off a few weeks/months to clear your head.
Other than that you could also try and stop your addiction and change your job.
Best of luck!
Thanks for your reply , I'm basically in the mode where I'm telling myself to quit everyday. Having a couple of months to clear my head is truly needed cause I'm running towards insanity right now.
If your job is a major factor in your desire to end your life, I think you owe it to yourself to quit. Obviously, I don't know any of the details of your financial/employment situations, but no job is worth your life. Ever.

Workplace dysfunction can have a very real, detrimental impact on one's physical and mental well-being. (I've been there.) I would strongly encourage you not to make any life and death decisions until you have removed yourself from that environment.
Where I'm from quitting a job is really frowned upon , my family and friends don't support the idea, but hey.. they don't know my intentions or what's running through my brain. Even my body is screaming get the hell out. When my Raynaud's or beurgers flares up it's just hell.
 
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Xdyzine

Xdyzine

Of all the things I lost, I miss my mind the most.
Nov 19, 2020
66
Feel for U OP .. I HAVE been thru the same .. In my case instead of benzos it was Codiene.
Yeah, it completely messes you up. I'm stuck between keep taking them and carry on or quit and try to recover. (Rehab/counselling).
 
S

seeya2020

Member
Nov 9, 2020
28
The thought of CTB has and always will be in my head everyday and I would have to say that yes, this job is a major factor towards my depression and physical well being.
I will have a small nest egg to last a few months and maybe have a chance of recovery.
Related to my work, I would work 9 to 8 with practically no breaks because I'm practically doing 2 to 3 people's work due to lack of experienced staff or just lack of staff.
I also suffer from autoimmune related diseases, so I took up benzo's as a way to numb myself inorder to work. But without a doubt .. I've given up now.

Thanks for your reply , I'm basically in the mode where I'm telling myself to quit everyday. Having a couple of months to clear my head is truly needed cause I'm running towards insanity right now.

Where I'm from quitting a job is really frowned upon , my family and friends don't support the idea, but hey.. they don't know my intentions or what's running through my brain. Even my body is screaming get the hell out. When my Raynaud's or beurgers flares up it's just hell.

bro if you've worked for 3 years, regardless of what the job is. You have shown that you can stick at something for 3 years. And you're doing 3 people's jobs you're obviously capable. There are so many ways of looking at that Positivily. The new year is coming up, that's a great time to look for a new job. Instead of quitting and having a gap in your resume, look for a new job. Put the effort and stress from researching suicide into looking for a new job.
And also go to the doctor and ask for anti depressants. Give them a proper try first.
 
Xdyzine

Xdyzine

Of all the things I lost, I miss my mind the most.
Nov 19, 2020
66
bro if you've worked for 3 years, regardless of what the job is. You have shown that you can stick at something for 3 years. And you're doing 3 people's jobs you're obviously capable. There are so many ways of looking at that Positivily. The new year is coming up, that's a great time to look for a new job. Instead of quitting and having a gap in your resume, look for a new job. Put the effort and stress from researching suicide into looking for a new job.
And also go to the doctor and ask for anti depressants. Give them a proper try first.
Thanks for the positive feedback, even recovery will take a while and ctb is always around the corner. I'm completely numb and reached my actual breaking point. I've taken several leaves due to medical reasons and I doubt I would be able to again. It's what you call "end of the line".
 
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Sherri

Sherri

Archangel
Sep 28, 2020
13,796
I'm also addicted to benzos and I had to take a long medical leave to save my job. Can you get a doctor to sign you a medical leave so you can have some rest and try and tamper with the doses. Im addicted to Xanax from 10 a day I'm down to 2 and a half and I'm already working again. Think about it. If you see no other way I'm also by your side whatever decision you take. Hugs hun.
 
J

Jean Améry

Enlightened
Mar 17, 2019
1,098
CTB is a major step and there's always a chance you won't be able to go through with it so I'd be careful about quitting your job now.

I have nothing more to add as @sugarglider and others pretty much said it all.

The best of luck to you.
 
Xdyzine

Xdyzine

Of all the things I lost, I miss my mind the most.
Nov 19, 2020
66
I'm also addicted to benzos and I had to take a long medical leave to save my job. Can you get a doctor to sign you a medical leave so you can have some rest and try and tamper with the doses. Im addicted to Xanax from 10 a day I'm down to 2 and a half and I'm already working again. Think about it. If you see no other way I'm also by your side whatever decision you take. Hugs hun.
Your experience gives me alot of hope and I hope you're feeling much better now. I've taken some leaves before but that was for my autoimmune disorders, it's more of a guilt trip for me now. I have be researching a slow taper though.
 
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Xdyzine

Xdyzine

Of all the things I lost, I miss my mind the most.
Nov 19, 2020
66
Just posting an update, today I emailed my bosses my resignation letter. Some people do care in the world it seems such as my managers , I was frank with them and apparently they do value me that much to not accept my resign and instead asked me give a request for going on leave without pay for 6 months and get the help I need and join again. Due to covid and all its not advisable to resign. Hey even if I'm not getting paid I will have a job to go back too. That's something I guess. Meanwhile I can focus on my addiction and try to get healthy and maybe find a better job. I'm really hoping it works out.
 
J

Jean Améry

Enlightened
Mar 17, 2019
1,098
Just posting an update, today I emailed my bosses my resignation letter. Some people do care in the world it seems such as my managers , I was frank with them and apparently they do value me that much to not accept my resign and instead asked me give a request for going on leave without pay for 6 months and get the help I need and join again. Due to covid and all its not advisable to resign. Hey even if I'm not getting paid I will have a job to go back too. That's something I guess. Meanwhile I can focus on my addiction and try to get healthy and maybe find a better job. I'm really hoping it works out.

That is excellent news. I'm glad your job situation worked out for you and I wish you the very best in your recovery and hope you will find a new job that won't put so much stress on you.

If in the future you ever feel suicidal again I hope you will think back on this time and realize even though things may seem hopeless they aren't necessarily. It was sensible to reach out to others and discuss your situation with them, even if we're all complete strangers to one-another.
 
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Spiral

Spiral

Experienced
Jan 22, 2021
269
I was just wondering for other people's input , the job I've been working since the past three years has taken a serious toll on my mental and physical well being. It's also a major reason of why I want to CTB. I already fucked up my career. What's the point now?. I'm stuck and really lost.
Yes. Quit. Never let a job steal your soul, It is not worth it and your employer would never do the same for you. Maybe getting away from that job will make you feel more positive, or maybe it won't, either way, quitting can only be good
 
L

life-eternal

Student
Nov 11, 2020
115
Like Spiral said, suicidal thoughts and mental issues are literally the best reason to quit a job. I am sure that even if you talked with your employer, they would 100% agree on you leaving. I've left every job i've had in a good manner, maybe you can talk to your employer about it? You can tell him/her that you haven't been feeling well lately as you are dealing with some personal issues, and will be taking time off work to look for other alternatives. If you choose to go that way, i am sure your employer will really appreciate you coming up to them and being honest. I would definitely do that, but hide all emotions while doing it, just honesty and sincerity and don't get emotional or talk about feelings. As cold as that sounds, i've heard people in offices saying "keep that shit at home" or some stupid shit like that, which is pretty fucking sad! Good luck and all the best friend!
just saw your update, so ignore my stupid comment lol. well done <3
 
peanuts

peanuts

Member
May 27, 2022
99
Just posting an update, today I emailed my bosses my resignation letter. Some people do care in the world it seems such as my managers , I was frank with them and apparently they do value me that much to not accept my resign and instead asked me give a request for going on leave without pay for 6 months and get the help I need and join again. Due to covid and all its not advisable to resign. Hey even if I'm not getting paid I will have a job to go back too. That's something I guess. Meanwhile I can focus on my addiction and try to get healthy and maybe find a better job. I'm really hoping it works out.
Oh my I am so so pleased for you! You clearly do a wonderful job and are so valued.. not every person would get that offer! I'm really hoping it will work out for you too, things do have a way of falling into place sometimes when you least expect it. Take care 🙂
 
GentleJerk

GentleJerk

Carrot juice pimp.
Dec 14, 2021
1,374
You can do whatever the fuck you want because you are a human being with free will and not a slave. Do what makes you happy, live what you love, every second of your life, right now!
 
S

Sleepykitty

Member
May 25, 2022
7
I just put my two weeks in last week. I can't handle this anymore. Every 8 months meltdown and either they dont want me or I can't keep coming back. Everyday after the first meldown is at least one per shift.
I tried telling family. "My first thought everyday is I wish I was dead. This job makes that harder to ignore. I cannot stay here."
Their response is "tough shit im not helping you pay bills. You should stay at that job. We all do things we dont like or want. You apways do this, you are just making excuses." So on and so forth. So to me no. Its not. If I can't kill hope before I loose my house I will be living out of my car. Already taking steps on the chance that's how it shakes out. But still. I dont think its bad.
You just need to be prepared for the consequences of your choice. (Havent been able to hold a job longer than 8 months at a time. Often with 3 ish months inbetween.
Cant help about the addiction bit. If you dont want it they have groups that people seem to get results from sometimes. But im not sure ive only ever been to one aa meeting.
So Good luck.
 

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