Is it normal to have doubts about Ctb?

[miserabletires9]

Is it norm to have some doubts about your ctb? Like you are sure about ctb 90%, but kinda want to stick it out 10%...

Do most people who eventually ctb have this kind of tiny doubt in the back of their mind? I would imagine if you have a incurable disease or bedridden forever, then you are probably 100%. But if you are healthy, is it normal to have like 10% doubts about your ctb?

I was having 100% ctb desire, but as date draws nearer, I am having a bit doubts. As I traveled for the first time yesterday in like 3 months, I felt better. I was telling someone from this forum that once I stepped my foot in Mexico, hearing Spanish that I don't understand, seeing a lot more non Americans, looking at things non American, I immediately felt like better. And the second I stepped back to America, I immediately felt more depressed. Hearing people speak English makes me want to throw up.

But then I thought, even if I get back to travel like.before, when I was traveling internationally every other months, my core problems are not gonna be solved. My recently started desire of having a loved one, having a family is gonna be there, not fulfilled. And I will always have this deep sadness.

Anyways, just wondering if having like 10% doubts is normal amongst healthy ppl who ultimately killed themselves

 

[jotoon]

I thing its normal.
In every decision we have a little bit doubt ,specially if you focus on good future that can happen ( low probability) .
Its like a gamble that there is 10 percent chance that you win .

Untile you are alive . you can feel happiness and sadness. you will have dream . you will have fears. this is part of life. being suicidal not mean that you should have NO desire in anything in this world.
Every decision has a result. and when you take decision while you earn somethings, you are losing somethings at the same time . you cant have every thing.
Imagine your hand have a tumor . tumor is so painful .
You have two option : do a surgery or cut off your hand
For some reason there is no surgeon in your city to help you.your mother is not totally sick but she's old and if you stay at home you can help her a lot. you have no money right now . you have to save your money for 5 years and travel to another country to do surgery . there is 3 percent chance that your tumor removes successfully , and 97 percent chance that tumor remain after surgery ,if surgery failed,they cut off your hand and you lost money and time that you could spent with your mother.
During this 4 years ,when you massage your hand in a few moments you feel pleasure . and you still dreaming that if you have a normal hand maybe you become a professional tennis player.
You don't "love "cutting your hand but you also don't love that lost time and 5 years trying for thing that you know it has so little chance to success .
In every decision of life , we are not 100% sure to choose a patch or road . but we analyze and think witch road give us things that are more important for us .

 

[MusicEnjoyer:D]

I think it's completely normal. I would suggest looking deeper into the reason you are doubting to ctb. Maybe you could find hope, or maybe you could find you are just afraid of suffering.

 

[Valky]

If you aren't sure, then I would definitely reconsider. I agree with what was being said already.

There is no need to rush anything or make an ultimate decision, when you aren't ready.
I wish you all the best, whatever you decide to to :)

 

[Little_Suzy]

You don't sound ready; you simply want a fresh life, maybe outside of America. Consider becoming an English teacher overseas and living someplace else for a time.

I believe the overwhelming effort of establishing a new life is draining you mentally and physically, as well as perhaps provoking suicidal thoughts. Take it slowly, take big chances, and reap big rewards.

 

[miserabletires9]

You don't sound ready; you simply want a fresh life, maybe outside of America. Consider becoming an English teacher overseas and living someplace else for a time.

I believe the overwhelming effort of establishing a new life is draining you mentally and physically, as well as perhaps provoking suicidal thoughts. Take it slowly, take big chances, and reap big rewards.

I want a fresh life in terms of having someone I love, and having that life returned, and watching him play with our children. This is something impossible to reach.

Living overseas may distract me a little. That's why I was traveling every other month, as I am just sick of America. But living overseas is not gonna give me what I want

 

[Praestat_Mori]

As long as there's just a tiny bit of hope left that things could become better in the future it's pretty normal that there are some doubts about ctb.

 

[Little_Suzy]

I want a fresh life in terms of having someone I love, and having that life returned, and watching him play with our children. This is something impossible to reach.

Living overseas may distract me a little. That's why I was traveling every other month, as I am just sick of America. But living overseas is not gonna give me what I want

I apologize; I didn't realize you were grieving. Recently, I went through the painful process of mourning after losing a family member to COVID.
I understand the intensity of your emotions, and I hope you find peace soon. Yes, it's natural to have reservations about ctb.

 

[lookingforsanctuary]

How do you know your dream of love will never be fulfilled? I think while there are doubts it makes sense to delay.

 

[helplessufferer]

it is definitely understandable not being 100% sure. it is the the most important and the last decision of your life, don't rush and make sure you are left with the least amount of doubts as possible. i think having no doubts is rare.

 

[FuneralCry]

No, not everyone wants to exist here and not everyone sees existence as being desirable in the first place but if you want to delay your inevitable fate then that's your decision. I just think that after all only the individual knows if they really want to ctb.