Discussion Is it life or just my brain?

[pang of joy]

Every piece of advice I read about depression and suicidal ideation seems to be about some kind of change of mindset or motivation to have a different/more positive outlook on life.

I've found that the reason none of this advice ever seems to help, no matter how profound or thought provoking, is because, for me at least, the issue doesn't lie with the experiences and affairs of life.

Finding beauty in the little things, embracing the meaningless absurdity of life; none of this is genuinely helpful when my struggle lies with the fundamental aspect of life itself.

Oftentimes I'll read a quote or personal anecdote that actually inspires me a little, but each time I'll find that my belief in the futility of life remains without fail.

How can these attempts to change our mindsets really aid us when it feels as if our brains are just fundamentally wired to question and even detest existence itself?

People tell us to practice gratitude. I'm self-aware enough to know there are a multitude of things in my life I should be thankful for - others have it much worse than me.

But my depression isn't circumstantial. I could be rich with a loving family and friends, or poor with shitty relationships. No matter which direction my life takes, I find that this feeling of emptiness lingers. And it feels as if no amount of blessings could make it go away.

But then this begs the question: is life really meaningless? Or is it the chemical imbalances in my brain that force me to find no interest in living a life that will end anyway, and likely only cause suffering on its way.

Does it matter either way? I just don't understand how I'm supposed to cope with life when it seems that no amount of inspiration can fix me.

 

[Hollowman]

Nothing would make me content either.

 

[Hvergelmir]

is life really meaningless? Or is it the chemical imbalances

Meaning is subjective. Objectively speaking no thing is more significant than any other. Values are something we assign ourselves.
That's the factual part of the answer.

If your depression is long term and not circumstantial, I think treating it as a chemical imbalance is worth trying. Other than that; look for meaning in new places.
Unless you've for example been "rich with a loving family and friends", you don't really know what it's about. There might very well be meaning that you can't see, in situations and environments you haven't experienced.