Discussion Is it harder or easier to ctb if you never had a life in the first place and only suffering?

[markimobzzdeasui]

The fact that I lived in trauma,abuse,tortures, mental illness and lonliness all my life does makes it very easier to rationalise my decision to ctb. But also the fact that I was never allowed to enjoy or even exist on my own without such sufferings,makes me severly depressed on having to end it this way as I missed out on almost the majority of my life. Anyone in the similar condition? Sorry If I am unable to express my point as English is not my native language.

 

[Chiisai]

I feel you. I feel I missed out a lot of things too. Im hesitant yes therefore its hard to do. Though those who find it easy might be those who already left us.

 

[Mr2005]

I would think easier but that's assuming you don't know what you've missed. Like a person who's born blind vs becomes it later

 

[FuneralCry]

Even if someone has suffered their whole life, ctb can still be very difficult because of a powerful survival instinct. The survival instinct can be determined to keep us suffering. I believe that being completely desperate will mean people are more likely to be able to overcome this. I have never wanted to be alive and in the case of my life wanting ctb is perfectly rational. It is the only thing that makes sense. For me personally the thought of ctb is not sad at all, as I want nothing to do with life. I want to die at a time of my own choosing. I'm sorry you have been through all this. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[demuic]

For me it makes it relatively easier as I have almost nothing that makes me want to stay here.

It may not be easier for others though. One thing to consider is the fact the humans are very adaptable to their circumstances. If someone suffered for most of their life with few moments for happiness, that becomes the normal and the "baseline" for them and so they become "used" to that level of treatment. There is a sort of "inertia" that comes with being familiar with bad circumstances, it is all you know after all, you find ways to cope and endure with it even if it still a terrible situation overall, and therefore they might not CTB unless something extreme happens that pushes them over the edge or some other imminently pressing circumstance. I think this describes a lot of people on SS (this isn't meant in a derogatory way, it describes me majorly as well.)

While someone who mostly had a "good" life, but suddenly experienced tragedy, could very quickly come to the conclusion to CTB because they have never experienced that level of suffering before and have no idea how to cope with it. That doesn't mean one situation is better or worse or more or less justified than the other.

 

[TooConscious]

Your English is better than my native English.
Anyway, I think it's a personal thing, I'm similar to you. My life was nothing but misery, hardship, injustice and undeserved suffering. And It gets me incredibly angry it was all for nothing whilst people who wronged me or people I care about are extremely happy and never have a bad day.

 

[Depressed Cat]

More than how much suffering one has experienced, I guess the ease of CTB depends on how hopeless one feels at the time of, or before CTB.

I believe this level of hope or hopelessness determines how strong one's survival instinct is. There is the example of psychogenic death where people are able to simply will their death in a situation of extreme hopelessness, without doing anything of their own to CTB.

So my guess is that the more hopeless and helpless one feels, it's easier to CTB, and even if there is a tiny glimmer of hope felt by one, it becomes somewhat harder to do so.

 

[steviewonder]

The fact that I lived in trauma,abuse,tortures, mental illness and lonliness all my life does makes it very easier to rationalise my decision to ctb. But also the fact that I was never allowed to enjoy or even exist on my own without such sufferings,makes me severly depressed on having to end it this way as I missed out on almost the majority of my life. Anyone in the similar condition? Sorry If I am unable to express my point as English is not my native language.

Life is getting so bad for me I can't wait to get the fuck out

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

For me it makes it relatively easier as I have almost nothing that makes me want to stay here.

It may not be easier for others though. One thing to consider is the fact the humans are very adaptable to their circumstances. If someone suffered for most of their life with few moments for happiness, that becomes the normal and the "baseline" for them and so they become "used" to that level of treatment. There is a sort of "inertia" that comes with being familiar with bad circumstances, it is all you know after all, you find ways to cope and endure with it even if it still a terrible situation overall, and therefore they might not CTB unless something extreme happens that pushes them over the edge or some other imminently pressing circumstance. I think this describes a lot of people on SS (this isn't meant in a derogatory way, it describes me majorly as well.)

While someone who mostly had a "good" life, but suddenly experienced tragedy, could very quickly come to the conclusion to CTB because they have never experienced that level of suffering before and have no idea how to cope with it. That doesn't mean one situation is better or worse or more or less justified than the other.

You described it perfectly. I belong to the category of people whose normal was always truama and even the threshold limit of that has been reached a long time ago. Sometimes even the fear of SI are subsided by my life conditions and past.

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

Life is getting so bad for me I can't wait to get the fuck out

Me too. Just thinking about my last days is so much soothing for me

 

[steviewonder]

Me too. Just thinking about my last days is so much soothing for me

It's theraputic. It's totally removed all my depression lmao

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

It's theraputic. It's totally removed all my depression lmao

It does for me too on many days lol! To the point that I am seriously thinking why was I even considering suicide in the first place 'cause I don't feel traumatic anymore. Some infinite paradoxical loop type sci fi shit!