Discussion is it fair to grieve someone you lost to suicide, while wanting to go out the same way

[sgtpepper]

Lost my best friend on april 1 2025. , i cant help but want her back even though she has always felt that this would always be the way she would go out and would frequently warn me to be ready. im so ashamed that im desperately wishing for her to be alive even though i know that after everything she is at peace and also planning my own way to go out., i feel like such a hypocrite and that i'm disrespecting her

 

[ma0]

It's the way you feel and you can't control that, but even so, it's entirely possible to grieve while still respecting their bodily autonomy.

Hell, you're acknowledging it here, I think that answers your question. No, you're not selfish.

 

[onmywaytothebusstop]

Ofcourse you can have emotions about multiple different things and even have multiple emotions about the same thing.

 

[Parasitism]

Fair has nothing to do with it. You feel what you feel and that's valid. End of.

 

[sgtpepper]

Ofcourse you can have emotions about multiple different things and even have multiple emotions about the same thing.

i was not asking a general question

 

[opheliaoveragain]

to address your title, yes absolutely. more than fair, it's how you feel. that matters. grief is a beast. I just encourage research vs impulsivity if you plan to plan. and obviously recovery resources before that. no disrespect.

but circling back, I don't think you need to feel ashamed nor like a hypocrite. these are complex feelings and the best thing right now is allow yourself the space and grace to feel whatever you're feeling. we're here for you

 

[alwaysalone]

Lost my best friend on april 1 2025. , i cant help but want her back even though she has always felt that this would always be the way she would go out and would frequently warn me to be ready. im so ashamed that im desperately wishing for her to be alive even though i know that after everything she is at peace and also planning my own way to go out., i feel like such a hypocrite and that i'm disrespecting her

I don't know about fair but it's "normal" and understandable. I have lost people to suicide. I miss them and I grieved even though I understood their reasons and I was happy for them as well.

 

[sgtpepper]

to address your title, yes absolutely. more than fair, it's how you feel. that matters. grief is a beast. I just encourage research vs impulsivity if you plan to plan. and obviously recovery resources before that. no disrespect.

but circling back, I don't think you need to feel ashamed nor like a hypocrite. these are complex feelings and the best thing right now is allow yourself the space and grace to feel whatever you're feeling. we're here for you

thank you for the advice, i'm not planning to do anything big yet as i haven't even picked the method but i'll make sure to be well organized beforehand, and thanks for your kind words

I don't know about fair but it's "normal" and understandable. I have lost people to suicide. I miss them and I grieved even though I understood their reasons and I was happy for them as well.

thanks, it's always good to know that i'm not alone in feeling and dealing with these things. I'm (selfishly) struggling to fully accept her decision i guess but i hope i can get to that point eventually