
whatevs
Mining for copium in the weirdest places.
- Jan 15, 2022
- 2,913
This has been bothering me for a long time now. It started a few years back. I just got this very concise, very illuminating conception of life as Hell.
Now let me explain, I like many others, come from a christian background. At least one of my siblings has a name that literally means "God (El) with us". I was very young when I shattered in my mind the flimsy and child-like stories that comprise christian cosmology that my parents half-bakedly tried to instill into me. So I am not proposing Earth like the "dominion of Satan, the enemy of God, the righteous bearded man". However, for me there is something very poignant about the idea that this place is hellish and we are all fiends that torment each other. The analogy is further perfected by the pitiful apologetic efforts of Saint Augustine, that proposed a solution to the infinitely immoral nature of God casting sinners into a place of infinite torment: God didn't create Hell or sends us to it, but it is WE that do it to ourselves, since we die without loving God and we never accept him, so just like gravity, Hell pulls us away from the everlasting, unconditional love of God. The hell of life is just like that, we definitely do this to ourselves, by choosing to exist.
My question is, is it bias that I feel like we literally are in some sort of "hell" and that there is something wrong with life? Have I had just bad luck, dealt a lousy hand and confuse my unusually bad experiences with reality? I am 30 years old and I have met enough people and seen or done enough things to confidently say that (we) people are quite evil, and constantly pile shit unto another and then go bitch about it somewhere where we can be treated as the victim. Most of the time, when you look closer, victims either aren't that blameless or have/will victimize someone else when they can. If you look at how chimpanzees act you might see a terrifying resemblance. These are ruthless, ruthless omnivores, that do their own type of warfare, absolutely love hunting and eating meat and routinely kill even members of their own clique if they become too dysfunctional. Rape is rampant too.
It's non-stop. Every time I interact with people or just hear them passing by my garden, bantering or telling their children bullshit with a dumbed down soft tone, I have to face how much people lie to each other, fight for resources and praise or feel comfortable attacking someone if he/she looks defenseless enough. I live just in front of a school.
The problem of course, goes back to life itself, because humans aren't this way for no reason, they just manifest the very essence that brought them forth. Is this essence conflict, lust, fear? Is that the essence of life that everyone works so hard to maintain? Where is all this shit going, I have to ask? Nobody cares about that? What are we fucking doing here?
Death, with this disposition, seems like a great way to leave whatever the hell this experience is behind.
Now let me explain, I like many others, come from a christian background. At least one of my siblings has a name that literally means "God (El) with us". I was very young when I shattered in my mind the flimsy and child-like stories that comprise christian cosmology that my parents half-bakedly tried to instill into me. So I am not proposing Earth like the "dominion of Satan, the enemy of God, the righteous bearded man". However, for me there is something very poignant about the idea that this place is hellish and we are all fiends that torment each other. The analogy is further perfected by the pitiful apologetic efforts of Saint Augustine, that proposed a solution to the infinitely immoral nature of God casting sinners into a place of infinite torment: God didn't create Hell or sends us to it, but it is WE that do it to ourselves, since we die without loving God and we never accept him, so just like gravity, Hell pulls us away from the everlasting, unconditional love of God. The hell of life is just like that, we definitely do this to ourselves, by choosing to exist.
My question is, is it bias that I feel like we literally are in some sort of "hell" and that there is something wrong with life? Have I had just bad luck, dealt a lousy hand and confuse my unusually bad experiences with reality? I am 30 years old and I have met enough people and seen or done enough things to confidently say that (we) people are quite evil, and constantly pile shit unto another and then go bitch about it somewhere where we can be treated as the victim. Most of the time, when you look closer, victims either aren't that blameless or have/will victimize someone else when they can. If you look at how chimpanzees act you might see a terrifying resemblance. These are ruthless, ruthless omnivores, that do their own type of warfare, absolutely love hunting and eating meat and routinely kill even members of their own clique if they become too dysfunctional. Rape is rampant too.
It's non-stop. Every time I interact with people or just hear them passing by my garden, bantering or telling their children bullshit with a dumbed down soft tone, I have to face how much people lie to each other, fight for resources and praise or feel comfortable attacking someone if he/she looks defenseless enough. I live just in front of a school.
The problem of course, goes back to life itself, because humans aren't this way for no reason, they just manifest the very essence that brought them forth. Is this essence conflict, lust, fear? Is that the essence of life that everyone works so hard to maintain? Where is all this shit going, I have to ask? Nobody cares about that? What are we fucking doing here?
Death, with this disposition, seems like a great way to leave whatever the hell this experience is behind.
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