I plan on ending my life soon but right now I'm still in the process of finding out the right method. It's so miserable and the fact that I don't have a way out is dreadful. I've been thinking about what would happen once I actually do it though. I'm not an important person and my disappearance would be no concern to anyone. I don't have anybody who cares about me really besides my little brother and sister who I'm not even sure care about me either so I feel like my death is definitely gonna be unannounced.There are a few people like my only friend who I was extremely close that I would want to find I passed away but we don't even talk anymore so I'm not sure if it would even matter since the reason she stopped talking to me once I became suicidal and extremely depressed again. I logged into my old instagram and a few people messaged me saying they were worried about me. I didn't answer because I don't have anything to say to that. It's not like I can share with these people why I want to end my life. My stomach dropped when I saw those notifications and I quickly deleted my account. I just wish nobody ever knew me so this wouldn't happen. I just wish I didn't EXIST. I'm no longer the person they knew and who they thought I was. I just completely lost myself and I'm disgusted of what I've turned into. I can't even recognize myself anymore. Depression destroyed my image and the last thing I want is for someone who knew me to see what I've turned into. I'm just a broken and ugly person with a mentality that is eating me away. I just wonder how they'll ever find out I ctb. Maybe it's better that they would never find out. Idk.
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TiredLostHope20
SN Arrived!
- Aug 24, 2022
- 135
I'm currently also trying the right method for me however a lot of items needed for the SN method i cannot acquire in the UK
I hope that no one will mind, just like you I have taken care to distance myself enough from the people around me all these years.
But there is one thing that surprised me from what you said, did people really want to communicate with you after not giving signals? This has never happened to me and maybe you should value it in some way. It's lucky that there are people who care about you at any given time, it doesn't happen often.
I have no plans to kill myself, but if I had had someone by my side all these years things would have been very different in my life.
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Jo espero que ningú s'assebenti, al igual que tu ja m'he encarregat d'allunyar-me prou de la gent del meu voltant tots aquests anys.
Però hi ha una cosa que m'ha sorprés del que has dit, de debó la gent ha volgut comunicar-se amb tu després de no donar senyals?. A mi això no m'ha passat mai i potser hauries de valorar-ho d'alguna manera. És una sort que hi hagi gent que es preocupi per tu en un moment donat, no sol passar.
No tinc pensat suïcidar-me, però d'haver tingut algú al meu costat tots aquests anys les coses haurien estat molt diferents en la meva vida.
But there is one thing that surprised me from what you said, did people really want to communicate with you after not giving signals? This has never happened to me and maybe you should value it in some way. It's lucky that there are people who care about you at any given time, it doesn't happen often.
I have no plans to kill myself, but if I had had someone by my side all these years things would have been very different in my life.
//
Jo espero que ningú s'assebenti, al igual que tu ja m'he encarregat d'allunyar-me prou de la gent del meu voltant tots aquests anys.
Però hi ha una cosa que m'ha sorprés del que has dit, de debó la gent ha volgut comunicar-se amb tu després de no donar senyals?. A mi això no m'ha passat mai i potser hauries de valorar-ho d'alguna manera. És una sort que hi hagi gent que es preocupi per tu en un moment donat, no sol passar.
No tinc pensat suïcidar-me, però d'haver tingut algú al meu costat tots aquests anys les coses haurien estat molt diferents en la meva vida.
AloneInCollege
The one and only
- Mar 7, 2022
- 167
It was only one person who I would text occasionally that I met online. This person knew nothing about me and they only told me they were worried because I've told them once I wasn't doing good and I'm going through a lot and that I couldn't continue talking to them. The other person was my ex who wasn't good to me and he said " I'm worried about you" and then continued the message with "I give up on you I hope you have a good life". Knowing him he'd find the person I've turned into disgusting and wouldn't want anything to do with me. I also feel like things would be very different if I had somebody by my side. Anytime anybody would find out about how I was actually doing and how deeply depressed I was, they would just distance themselves from me.
Honestly yes. I want the people who knew who I was to know. I feel like they won't even find out though but I guess it doesn't really matter since my existence means nothing to them.
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notlongnow
Student
- Aug 16, 2022
- 138
More people aware = more possibility of intervention. Do you want that!? Your call. Subliminal actions say a lot. I've recently learnt that.
Your post really resonated with me. I'm so sorry you are in this place. I feel the same. I suspect the majority of people would only really notice I was gone because they will be in my will. It's not to say they wouldn't care- I expect they would feel upset. We've just lost touch though.
I've wondered about if/how people would find out. A will is obviously one way- your solicitor would contact the beneficiaries. Otherwise, maybe leaving a note with one person to contact and then asking them in the note to tell everyone else. I'm sure the authorities wouldn't mind contacting one person.
I agree, it's a sad and lonely place to be but if I really do go ahead with it one day, I feel it would have been kinder for me to have estranged myself from everyone- less to miss that way. Plus, the part about them knowing the 'old' or previous you- or the person they thought you were really resonated. I'm sorry you are suffering so much.
I've wondered about if/how people would find out. A will is obviously one way- your solicitor would contact the beneficiaries. Otherwise, maybe leaving a note with one person to contact and then asking them in the note to tell everyone else. I'm sure the authorities wouldn't mind contacting one person.
I agree, it's a sad and lonely place to be but if I really do go ahead with it one day, I feel it would have been kinder for me to have estranged myself from everyone- less to miss that way. Plus, the part about them knowing the 'old' or previous you- or the person they thought you were really resonated. I'm sorry you are suffering so much.
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 42,590
I think that to me it could never matter how people were to react if I was to die as I simply won't be there at that point, it's not my concern. I hope that in whatever happens you find relief from what you are going through, I'm sorry that you have to endure so much suffering. I know that it's so depressing not having a reliable way to exit, suicide really should be easier.
