Is it bad to avoid independence/responsibility?

[sserafim]

I saw this comment

Seriously? Yes parents have responsibilities. But not to feed you when you're an adult because you're to lazy to work.

Nobody asked to be born, but that's very little excuse to hold out your hand while sitting on your ass playing video games all day

Is it bad to avoid and evade independence/responsibility? Why is there an expectation to become independent? Is someone "better" for supporting themself instead of living off of their parents?

 

[Malaria]

Depends on what that responsibility is. If you have a responsibility to feed your pets, but you don't feed them and let them starve, I'd say that's a pretty awful thing to do.

 

[sserafim]

Depends on what that responsibility is. If you have a responsibility to feed your pets, but you don't feed them and let them starve, I'd say that's a pretty awful thing to do.

What about avoiding responsibility for yourself?

 

[Malaria]

What about avoiding becoming independent and supporting yourself?

I'm not sure. I guess that depends on the situation too.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

I despise responsibility. It's NOT the same as being independent. I love my freedom.
Be independent, do your own own thing but once you start tying yourself down with houses, contracts, kids - THAT'S the shit part. That's the part to avoid.

 

[sserafim]

I despise responsibility. It's NOT the same as being independent. I love my freedom.
Be independent, do your own own thing but once you start tying yourself down with houses, contracts, kids - THAT'S the shit part. That's the part to avoid.

Is it bad to avoid being independent?

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

So long as all parties are happy with the arrangement and eventualities considered, then no I don't think so. Some parents/partners etc relish taking care of someone and don't ever want it to end.

 

[Deleted member 8119]

At some point, there will be no choice but to earn your own money. Usually, things aren't as easy as "I'll just die" either, there is a lot on the mind one doesn't consider. I hope you don't have to find that yourself, but if you are hell-bent on dying, you will see what I mean. What backup plan do you have? What will you do if you don't die?

So yes, I'd say it's bad to avoid independence, as you are cornering yourself without options, and will only make everything worse.

 

[LittleCupcake]

Its hard to get a job these days so it would be nice to not have people step on others necks

 

[sserafim]

So long as all parties are happy with the arrangement and eventualities considered, then no I don't think so. Some parents/partners etc relish taking care of someone and don't ever want it to end.

My parents want me to eventually be independent though; they don't want me living off of them forever. My mom always says things like "how long do you think this can last? You'll have to be responsible for yourself someday. One day you'll have to support yourself." This fills me with fear and dread; I don't want to have to be independent. I don't want to be responsible or take responsibility for myself. I wish I could be a kid again. I don't want to be burdened with responsibilities that I never even wanted in the first place. I think I have Peter Pan Syndrome; I don't want to have to become a real adult…I wish I could've stayed a kid forever

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

Then maybe find a partner who will take care of you. There are plenty that want that kind of relationship.

 

[Homo erectus]

There are always people outside mainstream expectations. Like the trains in India, even if they made the trains wider, people would still hop on to the outside. The present train size is probably a suitable compromise.

 

[KafkaF]

I saw this comment


Is it bad to avoid and evade independence/responsibility? Why is there an expectation to become independent? Is someone "better" for supporting themself instead of living off of their parents?

No, I fundamentally disagree with them. Your parents brought you into this world, you didn't choose it. They also should absolutely care enough to want to make sure that you're alright, even if you're not working. That is the least they can do since they violated your consent by bringing you in this world with the capacity for suffering. They are also ultimately (though not solely) responsible for that suffering which they can reasonably prevent.

Not to mention that many people (though not all) are mentally messed up and unable to function normaly in society because of their parents' parenting. It's kind of like breaking someone's leg and then telling them to fuck off when they want you to help them carry them to a hospital.

But much more importantly this person also completely misrepresents the actual thing we're talking about when we talk about this subject in order to dishonestly present their case as more valid than it is (aka strawmanning). Nobody here, I think, is talking about people just being lazy. Pretty sure the vast majority of us are talking about people who are struggling with severe mental health issues that prevent them from holding down a normal job or being "independent."

I hate being dependent on my parents. But I also have so many mental health issues that I'm currently struggling to make money on my own. This isn't a choice by me because "I'm lazy and don't want to work." It's because I'm barely hanging together as a human being as it is. I can barely get out of bed in the morning, let alone do a regular job. And "playing video games" is even something I struggle to do. And at most can be a break from constant suffering.

Parents should regard their children with empathy and love. Period. And kicking your child out or letting them starve to death makes you a monster in my eyes.

 

[Malaria]

My parents want me to eventually be independent though; they don't want me living off of them forever. My mom always says things like "how long do you think this can last? You'll have to be responsible for yourself someday. One day you'll have to support yourself." This fills me with fear and dread; I don't want to have to be independent. I don't want to be responsible or take responsibility for myself. I wish I could be a kid again. I don't want to be burdened with responsibilities that I never even wanted in the first place.

I sadly do relate to this. I don't want to be independent, but I feel like I don't have any other choice unless I become a housewife or ctb. But even if I become a housewife, if my spouse dies before I do, I'll still have to be independent...

 

[fuzzy-clown]

Independence can give you freedom. If you have freedom without independence then maybe you're not missing out on too much.

 

[sserafim]

Independence can give you freedom. If you have freedom without independence then maybe you're not missing out on too much.

I already have freedom without independence lol. I think that independence would actually lessen my freedom; I'd be chained to work/a job

 

[DarkRange55]

I saw this comment


Is it bad to avoid and evade independence/responsibility? Why is there an expectation to become independent? Is someone "better" for supporting themself instead of living off of their parents?

*too
Grammar Police

 

[sserafim]

*too

Am I wrong? Nah you are lol

 

[DarkRange55]

Am I wrong? Nah you are lol

"adult because you're to lazy to work."
**too
Whoever wrote that was wrong :p
The correct phrase is "too lazy," indicating an excessive level of laziness.

 

[sserafim]

"adult because you're to lazy to work."
**too
Whoever wrote that was wrong :p
The correct phrase is "too lazy," indicating an excessive level of laziness.

Oh. It wasn't me lol

 

[Homo erectus]

I already have freedom without independence lol. I think that independence would actually lessen my freedom; I'd be chained to work/a job

1 MIN READING: The fisherman and the businessman
Author: Paulo Coelho



There was once a businessman who was sitting by the beach in a small Brazilian village.
As he sat, he saw a Brazilian fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore having caught quite few big fish.
The businessman was impressed and asked the fisherman, "How long does it take you to catch so many fish?"
The fisherman replied, "Oh, just a short while."
"Then why don't you stay longer at sea and catch even more?" The businessman was astonished.
"This is enough to feed my whole family," the fisherman said.
The businessman then asked, "So, what do you do for the rest of the day?"
The fisherman replied, "Well, I usually wake up early in the morning, go out to sea and catch a few fish, then go back and play with my kids. In the afternoon, I take a nap with my wife, and evening comes, I join my buddies in the village for a drink — we play guitar, sing and dance throughout the night."

The businessman offered a suggestion to the fisherman.
"I am a PhD in business management. I could help you to become a more successful person. From now on, you should spend more time at sea and try to catch as many fish as possible. When you have saved enough money, you could buy a bigger boat and catch even more fish. Soon you will be able to afford to buy more boats, set up your own company, your own production plant for canned food and distribution network. By then, you will have moved out of this village and to Sao Paulo, where you can set up HQ to manage your other branches."

The fisherman continues, "And after that?"
The businessman laughs heartily, "After that, you can live like a king in your own house, and when the time is right, you can go public and float your shares in the Stock Exchange, and you will be rich."
The fisherman asks, "And after that?"
The businessman says, "After that, you can finally retire, you can move to a house by the fishing village, wake up early in the morning, catch a few fish, then return home to play with kids, have a nice afternoon nap with your wife, and when evening comes, you can join your buddies for a drink, play the guitar, sing and dance throughout the night!"
The fisherman was puzzled, "Isn't that what I am doing now?"

1 MIN READING: The fisherman and the businessman

There was once a businessman who was sitting by the beach in a small Brazilian village. As he sat, he saw a Brazilian fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore having caught quite few big fish. The businessman was impressed and asked the fisherman, "How long does it take you to catch…

paulocoelhoblog.com

 

[DarkRange55]

1 MIN READING: The fisherman and the businessman
Author: Paulo Coelho



There was once a businessman who was sitting by the beach in a small Brazilian village.
As he sat, he saw a Brazilian fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore having caught quite few big fish.
The businessman was impressed and asked the fisherman, "How long does it take you to catch so many fish?"
The fisherman replied, "Oh, just a short while."
"Then why don't you stay longer at sea and catch even more?" The businessman was astonished.
"This is enough to feed my whole family," the fisherman said.
The businessman then asked, "So, what do you do for the rest of the day?"
The fisherman replied, "Well, I usually wake up early in the morning, go out to sea and catch a few fish, then go back and play with my kids. In the afternoon, I take a nap with my wife, and evening comes, I join my buddies in the village for a drink — we play guitar, sing and dance throughout the night."

The businessman offered a suggestion to the fisherman.
"I am a PhD in business management. I could help you to become a more successful person. From now on, you should spend more time at sea and try to catch as many fish as possible. When you have saved enough money, you could buy a bigger boat and catch even more fish. Soon you will be able to afford to buy more boats, set up your own company, your own production plant for canned food and distribution network. By then, you will have moved out of this village and to Sao Paulo, where you can set up HQ to manage your other branches."

The fisherman continues, "And after that?"
The businessman laughs heartily, "After that, you can live like a king in your own house, and when the time is right, you can go public and float your shares in the Stock Exchange, and you will be rich."
The fisherman asks, "And after that?"
The businessman says, "After that, you can finally retire, you can move to a house by the fishing village, wake up early in the morning, catch a few fish, then return home to play with kids, have a nice afternoon nap with your wife, and when evening comes, you can join your buddies for a drink, play the guitar, sing and dance throughout the night!"
The fisherman was puzzled, "Isn't that what I am doing now?"

1 MIN READING: The fisherman and the businessman

There was once a businessman who was sitting by the beach in a small Brazilian village. As he sat, he saw a Brazilian fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore having caught quite few big fish. The businessman was impressed and asked the fisherman, "How long does it take you to catch…

paulocoelhoblog.com

I've heard that proverb before it's actually pretty good. I like the analogy a lot.

 

[Blurry_Buildings]

My parents are allowing me to stay for now to receive treatment for a physical issue and take classes.

I think for me what is most upsetting is that I will be leaving them to grow old. I'm sure my siblings will take good care of them, but I won't be able to repay them myself. I don't talk about it but I am still incredibly upset sometimes about medical decisions that were made against my will that could have been avoided but permanently made my condition significantly worse. I think parents do have a responsibility at times like these, and I still struggle once in a while to forgive them for it, but people are ultimately human. Overall they are good people, and I dread leaving them to potentially suffer.

 

[Pluto]

 

[sserafim]

View attachment 133389

That's the dream lol

 

[Shadowpriest]

My parents want me to eventually be independent though; they don't want me living off of them forever. My mom always says things like "how long do you think this can last? You'll have to be responsible for yourself someday. One day you'll have to support yourself." This fills me with fear and dread; I don't want to have to be independent. I don't want to be responsible or take responsibility for myself. I wish I could be a kid again. I don't want to be burdened with responsibilities that I never even wanted in the first place. I think I have Peter Pan Syndrome; I don't want to have to become a real adult…I wish I could've stayed a kid forever

You will eventually end up with some responsibilities, like providing at least for yourself. Next step would be providing for your close family members especially when they get older and sick, you will be the one who would take most care of them ( or nursing home as an substitute). And the biggest responsibility of them all is making your own family which needs a lot of resources, willpower, stress resistance, etc. (I believe you are an anti-natalist so that problem is solved). Biggest responsibility and at the same time the only necessary one would be your job, just do bare minimum, wait for the paycheck, endure 8h a day stress and dealing with people so after that you are "free" to go home and enjoy/do things you like. Or plan B to CTB... The lesser of 2 evils method

 

[sserafim]

You will eventually end up with some responsibilities, like providing at least for yourself. Next step would be providing for your close family members especially when they get older and sick, you will be the one who would take most care of them ( or nursing home as an substitute). And the biggest responsibility of them all is making your own family which needs a lot of resources, willpower, stress resistance, etc. (I believe you are an anti-natalist so that problem is solved). Biggest responsibility and at the same time the only necessary one would be your job, just do bare minimum, wait for the paycheck, endure 8h a day stress and dealing with people so after that you are "free" to go home and enjoy/do things you like. Or plan B to CTB... The lesser of 2 evils method

I don't want to make my own family lol

 

[trashprincess]

As someone with disabilities, I personally feel like the world is absolutely not accomodating to anyone to struggles more than most people.

I've been dependent on my family all my life, and every attempt I've made at taking care of myself has left me worse for wear afterwards.

Now it's not a perfect solution. My family is toxic, and I doubt my ability to find someone else to provide for me due to being transgender and some personal experiences. So right now I'm trapped in a really bad situation. Additionally I could be left without a provider eventually, and then it's pretty much game over for me.

Ideally the person taking care of me would encourage me and support me to be able to provide for myself as much as I can. Even if it's not enough to live off of, having reliable income would help me in a lot of ways.

Dependence is a vulnerable position that some people... depend on. It's less of good or bad, and more of whether it right for you and the problems you have. Or at least that's how I see it

 

[Shadowpriest]

I don't want to make my own family lol

I know, that's why I wrote in parentheses problem solved

 

[sserafim]

I know, that's why I wrote in parentheses problem solved

Why do you have to provide for your close family members though? Why do you have to take care of them?