Is having an account on this forum actually better than to have a girlfriend?

[noname223]

Of course this statement is hyperbole and exaggerated. The statement is not fully serious. But recently something happened that started a thought process.
I had contact with this kind of insane bipolar girl for a long time. It seems like she ghosted me. Maybe it is accidentally but she barely texts me since I told her about serious suicidal thoughts. I have been there for her many times. Most people get annoyed by her manic behavior because she completely lacks self-awareness. Maybe I was in the past not always friendly to her. I don't know I insisted that the medication would help her a lot. She is completely delusional without them.

I think this is the first time I was ghosted for my suicidality. We already talked about so much. I did not expect she would react that way. It hurts but it is no catastrophe. I have good close friends and this forum. I have a crush on a girl in my university but I think most of that happens only in my brain. I am currently way too fragile to approach her.

I think if i had a girlfriend I would post less in this forum. I once wrote in a weird sense this forum is a substitute for not having a gf. I think the most healthy approach would be (for me personally) to have this forum and a possible partner. I am often pretty overwhelmed by my pain and a possible partner should not be a therapist. So there should not be a dichotomy between having a partner and this forum. However I think in a reference to Marx this forum is like opium for me. It eases the pain and makes living more comfortable though at the same i should not neglect social contacts outside this forum. This forum helps me so much with my loneliness so that my desire to have a partner is not that painful anymore.

I was two times pretty close to women. This is years ago. There were some conflicts. And in the end I have to say in this forum I can be more open and be fully myself (with all my pathologies) compared to a relationship. I think I ruminate a lot. And I have a huge drive for communication. But in many instances it is difficult for me to find something that is enjoyable for me and the other person. I once texted a lot with a woman. She had PTSD but now she has a super good life. I am just not interested in most usual entertainment products. And I am just not interested to watch TV together and to gossip about that. It felt like a waste of time for me. I think all my writing also the extreme amount is pathological. And it is pretty difficult to hold it back. In some instances the abuse, the bullying and the extreme pain/low life quality has made me a resentful, bitter and tormented person. And in many social interactions I have to hide how much of a mess I am. I think even in a relationship I had to hide that to a certain extent so that the relationship could work. I am a mess and a mental wreck. I am thankful when I don't have to hide that fact.

This forum is of course no substitute for intimate moments, for getting huged, kissed, touched etc. Real life interactions can feel way better than online communication. But there are a lot of objections. Social interactions stress me. I am a person that needs a lot of time for my own. I need a strong level of trust so that I can spend some hours with another person without getting exhausted. At the same time I am quite neurotic. And I think the potential of getting ghosted and that the other person could leave me would make me pretty anxious. So there would always be considerations which of my thoughts can be expressed in an unfiltered way to my environment. I think I am quite insular and self-absorbed due to my conditions. I am kind of a shut-in. I cannot imagine a relationship with anyone that loves going on a walk, swimming, dancing in the nature or in a club.

So there are pro and cons. Having both would be probably the best for me. Sadly we don't live in a dream world.
Though for now this forum comforts me.

 

[m4rius]

A partner would be more suitable than a forum for companionship, I think this would be true for the vast majority. Let alone an ideal GF/BF who is strikingly similar to you, etc.

So there are pro and cons. Having both would be probably the best for me

Would you date a near identical version of yourself? (not in appearance, but character.)

 

[noname223]

A partner would be more suitable than a forum for companionship, I think this would be true for the vast majority. Let alone an ideal GF/BF who is strikingly similar to you, etc.



Would you date a near identical version of yourself? (not in appearance, but character.)

I am not sure. I am not sure whether a partner should be similar to me anyway. I think sometimes one can complement each other weaknesses and strengths. My character is not the main issue. It is rather the mental instability. But I look for possible partners who also struggle in their own way. I think such people are often more empathetic.

 

[m4rius]

I am not sure. I am not sure whether a partner should be similar to me anyway. I think sometimes one can complement each other weaknesses and strengths. My character is not the main issue. It is rather the mental instability.

I personally think depending on your personality, having someone similar to you can be a hit or miss.

For me, to have someone similar to me would imply an endless frenzy of experiments. Crazy loyalty fueled with passion and ambition, an intense character. It is rare and it is lonely, they're often not depressed and negative. Maybe hypomanic. Too energetic/hopeful for a prolonged state of depression, although you see more mood swings instead and that includes strong suicidal tendencies.

But I look for possible partners who also struggle in their own way. I think such people are often more empathetic.

Probably more empathetic. Some are closed-minded, selfish or manipulative as a result from their troubles.

If my partner's too different I end up focusing too much on them in an attempt to ignite any synergy that I desperately crave, by "helping" them with their emotional issues and pushing them to be more confident, but it never ends up working as it requires an enormous amount of patience and cooperation. It's fruitless.

In general, I wish I never required human companionship to be fulfilled. Yeah sure, socializing and having partners is great, but why have myself suffer if I feel I shouldn't? I have no autonomy over my brain.

 

[Message In A Bottle]

I'd say so; there are no strings attached here. I can just come and go with my occasional post or two. There's no room for hurt, bickering, or a nagging partner saying I'm not around enough. I've come to the conclusion that relationships are simply too emotionally taxing for me.

Unless I'm proven otherwise, I'll stick to my guns on that, but you'd have to tick all my boxes to get my attention.

 

[gizzreid]

kind of depends on what you're looking for. there are things on this forum a partner cannot give you, and there are things only a partner can give you.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Honestly, it's not a good thing if one finds themselves on this site in the first place. Having a partner would probably be more preferable, especially to those that are on here because of loneliness.

 

[loyalskateboard]

I don't think they're comparable at all. The physical/emotional connection in a romantic relationship is different to anonymous posting on a forum. You could be more honest here, and it might be less stressful, but it's not 'better' imo. I think it would be easier to compare talking on this forum to texting a friend. In a lot of cases, this website would be preferable. Less judgment/anxiety with expressing how you feel.

 

[squirley]

Idk bout you but I'd rather be getting a BJ then compiling various methods that I can ctb with.
But eh , that's the old me :D

 

[TamiyaTiger]

I think a partner would be nice but i think anyone who would date someone like me is probably abusive. Good people date other good people, they don't waste time on people who are poor/depressed/suicidal/generally troubled.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

If she's being annoying and I'm having a good posting day, then sure. Otherwise not so much.

 

[Rocinante]

There's only so much you can do with the forum

 

[NumbItAll]

short answer: no

longer answer: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(assuming it is a healthy relationship and not a toxic one)

 

[The anhedonic one]

Of course this statement is hyperbole and exaggerated. The statement is not fully serious. But recently something happened that started a thought process.
I had contact with this kind of insane bipolar girl for a long time. It seems like she ghosted me. Maybe it is accidentally but she barely texts me since I told her about serious suicidal thoughts. I have been there for her many times. Most people get annoyed by her manic behavior because she completely lacks self-awareness. Maybe I was in the past not always friendly to her. I don't know I insisted that the medication would help her a lot. She is completely delusional without them.

I think this is the first time I was ghosted for my suicidality. We already talked about so much. I did not expect she would react that way. It hurts but it is no catastrophe. I have good close friends and this forum. I have a crush on a girl in my university but I think most of that happens only in my brain. I am currently way too fragile to approach her.

I think if i had a girlfriend I would post less in this forum. I once wrote in a weird sense this forum is a substitute for not having a gf. I think the most healthy approach would be (for me personally) to have this forum and a possible partner. I am often pretty overwhelmed by my pain and a possible partner should not be a therapist. So there should not be a dichotomy between having a partner and this forum. However I think in a reference to Marx this forum is like opium for me. It eases the pain and makes living more comfortable though at the same i should not neglect social contacts outside this forum. This forum helps me so much with my loneliness so that my desire to have a partner is not that painful anymore.

I was two times pretty close to women. This is years ago. There were some conflicts. And in the end I have to say in this forum I can be more open and be fully myself (with all my pathologies) compared to a relationship. I think I ruminate a lot. And I have a huge drive for communication. But in many instances it is difficult for me to find something that is enjoyable for me and the other person. I once texted a lot with a woman. She had PTSD but now she has a super good life. I am just not interested in most usual entertainment products. And I am just not interested to watch TV together and to gossip about that. It felt like a waste of time for me. I think all my writing also the extreme amount is pathological. And it is pretty difficult to hold it back. In some instances the abuse, the bullying and the extreme pain/low life quality has made me a resentful, bitter and tormented person. And in many social interactions I have to hide how much of a mess I am. I think even in a relationship I had to hide that to a certain extent so that the relationship could work. I am a mess and a mental wreck. I am thankful when I don't have to hide that fact.

This forum is of course no substitute for intimate moments, for getting huged, kissed, touched etc. Real life interactions can feel way better than online communication. But there are a lot of objections. Social interactions stress me. I am a person that needs a lot of time for my own. I need a strong level of trust so that I can spend some hours with another person without getting exhausted. At the same time I am quite neurotic. And I think the potential of getting ghosted and that the other person could leave me would make me pretty anxious. So there would always be considerations which of my thoughts can be expressed in an unfiltered way to my environment. I think I am quite insular and self-absorbed due to my conditions. I am kind of a shut-in. I cannot imagine a relationship with anyone that loves going on a walk, swimming, dancing in the nature or in a club.

So there are pro and cons. Having both would be probably the best for me. Sadly we don't live in a dream world.
Though for now this forum comforts me.

The only social contact I have are this forum, and a few people who I met online who are also suicidal.
One person in particular I am close to. She is suffering from BPD, and suicidal thoughts.
Communicating is sometimes very difficult and she has ghosted me several times now, sometimes for weeks, and for no valid reason. That's just how it is with people like us. I guess we are all dysfunctional.
I wouldn't take it too seriously.

I find this forum in particular extremely beneficial. I would be lost without it.

 

[Zegers]

they don't waste time on people who are poor/depressed/suicidal/generally troubled.

People want help for their problems but when it comes to looking for people, they avoid people with problems, which is understandable.

And i prefer a partner to a forum.