savynavys
the beloved
- Mar 17, 2026
- 5
I'm 19 and I've been living in a dysfunctional family for the entirety of my life. It's been constant abuse, physically and mentally for decades and it's had a big play in the dysfunctionality of my mental state (shocker)
I've had friends who have undergone horrible lives with many also having shit families. We would speak and comfort each other about our experiences and it was interesting to see how different people turned out based on their struggles in childhood which also brought me comfort, knowing that I'm not alone and others can relate.
Things only got bitter when I realised a lot of these people are going through healing as their abuse took place only in their childhood whilst mine...is still on going at the age of 19.
And what never helped is though I expected understanding from these people, they often gave me the exact opposite when I attempted to speak about my experience. They would validate one another as survivors but would completely turn a blind eye to me because they didn't know how to combat the topic of domestic abuse when you're experiencing it as an adult. And I remember asking one of them if they were still going through abuse (half joking, half not). And he responded with absolute disgust, saying smt along the lines of "I'm almost 20? Why the fuck??" And just pulled me down into a spiral. Because in a way, it made me feel as if I'M doing something wrong to the point where the world still feels a need to punish me.
I always felt ashamed to speak up about my experience because all I've ever seen in life are these perfect families, and the few that I thought I could relate to were all putting in effort to heal and forget while I was still stuck in the same place. I would never judge anyone in my position yet I can't help but cringe into myself whenever I even THINK about the fact that I'm being abused.
I don't know if I'm making sense but does anyone else feel this way? And it doesn't have to be abuse when you're older but abuse in general. Is it normal to feel so humiliated to the point it almost feels like it's YOUR fault??
I've had friends who have undergone horrible lives with many also having shit families. We would speak and comfort each other about our experiences and it was interesting to see how different people turned out based on their struggles in childhood which also brought me comfort, knowing that I'm not alone and others can relate.
Things only got bitter when I realised a lot of these people are going through healing as their abuse took place only in their childhood whilst mine...is still on going at the age of 19.
And what never helped is though I expected understanding from these people, they often gave me the exact opposite when I attempted to speak about my experience. They would validate one another as survivors but would completely turn a blind eye to me because they didn't know how to combat the topic of domestic abuse when you're experiencing it as an adult. And I remember asking one of them if they were still going through abuse (half joking, half not). And he responded with absolute disgust, saying smt along the lines of "I'm almost 20? Why the fuck??" And just pulled me down into a spiral. Because in a way, it made me feel as if I'M doing something wrong to the point where the world still feels a need to punish me.
I always felt ashamed to speak up about my experience because all I've ever seen in life are these perfect families, and the few that I thought I could relate to were all putting in effort to heal and forget while I was still stuck in the same place. I would never judge anyone in my position yet I can't help but cringe into myself whenever I even THINK about the fact that I'm being abused.
I don't know if I'm making sense but does anyone else feel this way? And it doesn't have to be abuse when you're older but abuse in general. Is it normal to feel so humiliated to the point it almost feels like it's YOUR fault??
