Is CTB 6 days before my sibling's birthday too close? December Suicide?

[BeautifulMosaics]

I don't want to go through Christmas and New Years.. I am feeling like I can do this now and I don't want to risk not feeling this way in the future. Not that anything in my life, the way my brain works or my decision will change but a potentially lifted mood may make it harder to commit to ctb.

I had a week long crying break-down this time 5 years ago and I get no PTSD-type of trauma related to the date. I even forgot it didn't start this week but last week. Do people really experience their whole month being affected by a loved-ones suicide? Because speaking of my family - they have treated me horribly in the past. Their previous behaviour towards me indicates they couldn't care less even if they do love me.

I just want to go when I feel pushed to. I would love to be put in a coma until February but that's not gonna work is it? I just want to go - it feels right. I can't even really leave the house because of my anxieties.

 

[FuneralCry]

It is up to you, it is your life and your decision and you have the right to exit at a time of your own choosing. Whatever happens, I wish you the best. I'm sorry you are suffering so much.

 

[Smart No More]

Does your sibling enjoy celebrating their birthday?


FWIW I've decided not to ctb until after xmas for this reason. I don't want this time of year or birthdays to bring up emotions surrounding me catching the bus.


Nobody can give you permission. I get the fear you feel though as I too worry that putting myself in this holding pattern and doing what's needed to just handle existing during the wait might cause a desensitisation of my need to ctb and make it harder when the time finally comes. In order to get around this I have neglected to look at certain belongings, artwork or writings that bring the memory of who I was before getting ill to the forefront. Iintend to use them as fuel when the time comes as they'll remind me just how much I've lost and will never get back. Maybe you can find a way to make this strategy work for you.

 

[*Psyche*]

I don't want to go through Christmas and New Years.. I am feeling like I can do this now and I don't want to risk not feeling this way in the future. Not that anything in my life, the way my brain works or my decision will change but a potentially lifted mood may make it harder to commit to ctb.

I had a week long crying break-down this time 5 years ago and I get no PTSD-type of trauma related to the date. I even forgot it didn't start this week but last week. Do people really experience their whole month being affected by a loved-ones suicide? Because speaking of my family - they have treated me horribly in the past. Their previous behaviour towards me indicates they couldn't care less even if they do love me.

I just want to go when I feel pushed to. I would love to be put in a coma until February but that's not gonna work is it? I just want to go - it feels right. I can't even really leave the house because of my anxieties.

Although it is a difficult time of year for a lot of ppl, I've found in my own life that there is always some date or occasion to affect the ctb decision. Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, death anniversaries... the list goes on.
I'm truly sorry you feel the whole month of Dec is so awful. I know it's hard. Gatherings and such are a burden. Pretending to be happy sucks. I just want to stay in bed and block out the world. So, I can relate. I hope you find your peace.

 

[Crazy4u]

It is definitely your choice. IF I were you, I would wait until after the birthday

 

[Smart No More]

I found picking my own birthday to be a decent idea. I hope I can then be a positive memory. Celebrated for the good times.

 

[maakies]

Funny. I wanted to do it on my birthday and I have the same issue as you - my sibling's birthday falls on the same day as mine. It has been difficult for me to choose a date for sure because of this. To be honest, I have a very good relationship with him. If you do not have a good relatinship with your family, I don't see the matter with doing it then.

 

[DanceUntilTheEnd]

I found picking my own birthday to be a decent idea. I hope I can then be a positive memory. Celebrated for the good times.

that's kind of a cool idea... Very poetic

 

[LeGuitarist]

I'm not going to lie: it'll probably ruin your siblings' birthday as well as your entire family's Christmas and New Year's forever. Not something I would do ngl

 

[DanceUntilTheEnd]

Funny. I wanted to do it on my birthday and I have the same issue as you - my sibling's birthday falls on the same day as mine. It has been difficult for me to choose a date for sure because of this. To be honest, I have a very good relationship with him. If you do not have a good relatinship with your family, I don't see the matter with doing it then.

I got covid last year and almost died but didn't. It messed me up so bad. I picked the anniversary of me going to the hospital.

 

[freedomcalls]

I wouldn't do it close to your siblings birthday

Personally I'd like to do it on my own birthday as then there's one difficult date rather than 2 when I'm gone

Today is my friends third suicide anniversary - it colours the whole month for me and affects me deeply; I know for her sister and children that it is 100x worse

So I do think the date matters

For those who love you, the first Christmas after your suicide will be unbearable; but I like to think if you did it earlier in the year then there's be slightly more distance from the raw grief and less chance of it shadowing all their future Christmas'