I've been wanting to kill myself "soon" for the past 10 years, really.
My problem right now with my method is the stealth needed to actually recieve it in the mail successfully, without my parents finding out. While I do live alone, my parents finance everything for me, and unfortunately, I don't have access to any credit cards, paypals or other online wallets/bank accounts that aren't linked to them. So in order for me to get my N, I would have to withdraw several hundred, convert it to bitcoin, and then make the purchase knowing that my parents would be alerted to a ~$800 withdrawal. That would cause a massive alarm and idk what they would do to me, or have done to me, in order to stop me from killing myself.
SN is more feasible but it's not ideal for my personal circumstances.