Is anyone here going to commit suicide because of romantic loneliness / repeated humiliation?

[lonely30]

Hello. This is my first post but I have watched this forum for a long time. I was just wondering if there is anyone here in a situation like mine. I am a 30-year-old woman and I didn't have a lot of romantic interactions in my early life. A few years ago I moved to a new country for work and started online dating. My experiences have been horrific and humiliating. I have not been able to establish a relationship in my 2.5 years of trying. I have had multiple instances in which I dated men for a month or so, and felt very strongly and they seemed to as well. Then we slept together and afterwards they blocked me on everything and never spoke to me again. I have lost all confidence in myself and feel completely undesirable and like I could never add anything to anyone's life. I am so desperate for any kind of affection or human touch that it almost feels like a physical pain. I am finding it more and more difficult to leave home and I know the end is coming because the urge to hurt myself badly is becoming stronger and stronger. I intend to hang myself but there is nothing in my apartment strong enough to hold my weight. That's the last piece of the puzzle.

Is there anyone else in a situation like this? I would really like to hear from you.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

I usually just get rape threats whenever i try to use dating sites, never managed to find something that seems trustworthy enough to sleep with, let alone date.

 

[Life_and_Death]

This doesn't sound like it's you. It sounds like the guy. You said he leaves after sleeping with you. It sounds like he got what he wanted then left. Try spending more time with them before doing that and make 100% sure they aren't just using you. I'm sorry you're going through that but it really isn't you, these guys are just shit that only cares about themselves.

 

[lonely30]

I usually just get rape threats whenever i try to use dating sites, never managed to find something that seems trustworthy enough to sleep with, let alone date.

I've had a lot of horrible messages as well, but because I'm in a foreign country it's very hard for me to meet someone the organic way. If I don't use the apps I feel like I'm not trying at all. I do have friends and do social things but when people realise my language skills are not perfect they don't have any interest in me romantically. So I always go back to the apps so I can find English speakers.

This doesn't sound like it's you. It sounds like the guy. You said he leaves after sleeping with you. It sounds like he got what he wanted then left. Try spending more time with them before doing that and make 100% sure they aren't just using you. I'm sorry you're going through that but it really isn't you, these guys are just shit that only cares about themselves.

It's good advice but I waited like 4-6 weeks each time and in that time had up to 10 dates, which seems like a long time by modern dating standards but I was inexperienced. And they really talked like they were very interested in me, even telling me they had told their parents about me. Maybe it's pure naivety but I have no idea how to actually tell if someone likes me if those things don't show it. I can't imagine consistently lying to someone for a month or so and spending loads of time with them just to have sex with them once when things like Tinder exist and let you have a hookup much more easily. So now the idea of having sex again fills me with so much anxiety and insecurity that I don't think I'll ever be able to again.

 

[Bodydysmorphia]

Don't let those jerks ruin your self-esteem, men can be really cruel (and I am saying this as a gay man). As corny as it might sound, you just haven't met "the right one". If you're looking for something more profound like a relationship or good friendship, you should try to communicate this and look for those who seek the same thing in order to filter those out who are not a match for you (on a personal level).

 

[toasterbath]

No I wouldn't ctb based on loneliness. Most people disgust me. If I had my own place I'd be happy with a few pets and with the internet you can communicate with anyone.

 

[Life_and_Death]

It's good advice but I waited like 4-6 weeks each time and in that time had up to 10 dates, which seems like a long time by modern dating standards but I was inexperienced. And they really talked like they were very interested in me, even telling me they had told their parents about me. Maybe it's pure naivety but I have no idea how to actually tell if someone likes me if those things don't show it. I can't imagine consistently lying to someone for a month or so and spending loads of time with them just to have sex with them once when things like Tinder exist and let you have a hookup much more easily. So now the idea of having sex again fills me with so much anxiety and insecurity that I don't think I'll ever be able to again.

I personally would say that's not long enough. Forget "modern dating standards". Humans are so desensitized to this stuff it's disturbing. Do what you're comfortable with. I'd personally wait a couple months if I wanted to make sure it's serious.
And it doesn't matter what they tell you, people can be manipulative and they will to get what they want.

the idea of having sex again fills me with so much anxiety and insecurity that I don't think I'll ever be able to again.

Then dont. If you never want to have sex again that's totally up to you. Don't let any guy tell you otherwise. If he really loves you and is really serious about the relationship, they'll drop it and respect your wishes.

 

[lonely30]

I personally would say that's not long enough. Forget "modern dating standards". Humans are so desensitized to this stuff it's disturbing. Do what you're comfortable with. I'd personally wait a couple months if I wanted to make sure it's serious.
And it doesn't matter what they tell you, people can be manipulative and they will to get what they want.

Then dont. If you never want to have sex again that's totally up to you. Don't let any guy tell you otherwise. If he really loves you and is really serious about the relationship, they'll drop it and respect your wishes.

Thank you for the advice. If I manage to endure long enough to meet another person who seems nice, I will try to follow this. The thing is that I used to want it so much and still want it physically but the fear of rejection is paralysing. Which I guess means I have to find someone I can really trust. But I think my chances are low and time is running out.

 

[Superdeterminist]

I'm in a very similar situation. I haven't tried that much but it really feels like if I did, that it wouldn't lead to anything, because the few times that I have tried have been very awkward and fruitless, I really got the impression that this isn't a game worth playing because it would be 1000 parts suffering and failure to 1 part success. I tend to fall more into the "if you have to try, it's over" camp. But I know that things can change, sometimes. I try to hold out hope, but it's grim.

 

[lonely30]

I'm in a very similar situation. I haven't tried that much but it really feels like if I did, that it wouldn't lead to anything, because the few times that I have tried have been very awkward and fruitless, I really got the impression that this isn't a game worth playing because it would be 1000 parts suffering and failure to 1 part success. I tend to fall more into the "if you have to try, it's over" camp. But I know that things can change, sometimes. I try to hold out hope, but it's grim.

I understand, and the more you put yourself through the more psychologically damaged you become.

 

[CursedSoul]

yeah same, abused by my ex #1, then dropped by my second ex #2 after she learned my illnesses and didn't want to help, it's not the main reason, but it's one of the many of why i want to
and yeah, ive been used as well, threatened blackmailed etc... Into sexual acts from a person i truly loved and thought she did as well, it hurts alot, stay strong sexual stuff became very tough for me, but as a dude you just get called a pussy.

 

[unredeemable]

Very sad to hear your story. It's heartbreaking. For what it's worth, you're lucky to have never heard from those men again. If they were capable of such a disgusting betrayal, who knows what else they might have tried. Cold comfort, I know, but you have to take it where you can. Glad you decided to share.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I gave my heart and soul to somebody over the course of three years and they ditched me which Instigated a total breakdown…. But there was something wrong with me before hand… Some deep inner loneliness… I don't really want to be alive at all now… I'm only alive because I haven't found an easy way of being dead

 

[Suicidebydeath]

"even telling me they had told their parents about me."

Within 10 dates/4-6 weeks? They might just be telling you what you want to hear, and if its all the same things then maybe they're pulling it from somewhere. My guess is the people on these dating sites are looking for one thing, and they might not even be single. The dating experience gap probably isn't helpful for figuring out who is doing what. I don't know what would help, you can't meet anyone organically at all? That's how people are usually attracted to me, not through dating sites, and I don't get any chances to meet people at all.

 

[outatime_85]

It's good advice but I waited like 4-6 weeks each time and in that time had up to 10 dates, which seems like a long time by modern dating standards but I was inexperienced. And they really talked like they were very interested in me, even telling me they had told their parents about me. Maybe it's pure naivety but I have no idea how to actually tell if someone likes me if those things don't show it. I can't imagine consistently lying to someone for a month or so and spending loads of time with them just to have sex with them once when things like Tinder exist and let you have a hookup much more easily. So now the idea of having sex again fills me with so much anxiety and insecurity that I don't think I'll ever be able to again.

Right now, you are the one who is uncomfortable, hurt, etc.

That means you have to do what you need to in order to feel safe around those who want your company, so if you have patience for 4-6 weeks, then stretch that out to three to four months of building time if you have to.

Also, it might be time to set boundaries and rules that you don't break to make sure you are safe.

And if they skate or aren't interested in you because you are being cautious, let them go.

I have to imagine there are people of the opposite sex who have been burned, and are just as cautious and would understand if you chose to have an extended wait time to build something of substance rather than something superficial.

If my thought process is wrong or off the mark, please forgive me.

----------------

As for me, I have been dealing with loneliness and lack of romance for many many years.

The humiliation I used to encounter in life has basically subsided as I don't interact with people on a personal level.

As for cashing-out over the above issues, I view my life as an airplane when all systems and the pilot are functioning properly; that plane cruises, lands, etc.

I'm currently at cruising altitude, but I'm barely holding on. The nightmares, voices, etc. All that, as one day blurs into the next.

When my life finally crashes and I cash-out because I am just done, the cause will come from a combination of issues, including some self-made errors, etc., rather than one single issue.

 

[unredeemable]

I gave my heart and soul to somebody over the course of three years and they ditched me which Instigated a total breakdown…. But there was something wrong with me before hand… Some deep inner loneliness… I don't really want to be alive at all now… I'm only alive because I haven't found an easy way of being dead

I'm ending a 15 year marriage at the same time as I'm torturing myself over what I did to a woman I had an affair with. I tried to have everything and wound up with nothing. I have to make my peace with being alone because it's clear I hurt everyone I've ever loved. My Asperger's makes me unqualified to be in a relationship, like a blind person getting a driver's license.

I don't want to CTB because these relationships are over. It's that I see all relationships as being over. I gave my heart away to someone in about 3 weeks when it wasn't mine to give. How fucking stupid was that? I can't trust myself anymore. Live alone or end it? To be or not to be? I wrestle with it every day. It shouldn't be this hard just to want to live.

I'm sorry you're hurting right now. Relationships bring out the best and the worst in people. I've been dumped all my life and now I'm the dumper. Feels just as shitty.

There are a lot a great people here dealing with the same stuff we are. They want to help and they've really given me some perspective in the short time I've been here. Hope you stick around.

 

[Ligottian]

Complete, unqualified failure in not finding a romantic partner is a big reason I'm suicidal.

 

[HeavyHeartDEP]

Hello. This is my first post but I have watched this forum for a long time. I was just wondering if there is anyone here in a situation like mine. I am a 30-year-old woman and I didn't have a lot of romantic interactions in my early life. A few years ago I moved to a new country for work and started online dating. My experiences have been horrific and humiliating. I have not been able to establish a relationship in my 2.5 years of trying. I have had multiple instances in which I dated men for a month or so, and felt very strongly and they seemed to as well. Then we slept together and afterwards they blocked me on everything and never spoke to me again. I have lost all confidence in myself and feel completely undesirable and like I could never add anything to anyone's life. I am so desperate for any kind of affection or human touch that it almost feels like a physical pain. I am finding it more and more difficult to leave home and I know the end is coming because the urge to hurt myself badly is becoming stronger and stronger. I intend to hang myself but there is nothing in my apartment strong enough to hold my weight. That's the last piece of the puzzle.

Is there anyone else in a situation like this? I would really like to hear from you.

Me... Please guys, assist me with this

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Me... Please guys, assist me with this

Being lonely can be so destructive and painful… I've ended up isolating myself entirely and giving up on life… I'm sorry you found yourself in this place

 

[Spyro24]

Me. I've been trying to get a girlfriend for the past decade or so and I just can't. I'm a submissive bisexual that can act very feminine like and that basically forces me to be gay. I almost always end up as a girls best friend with no way out of the friend zone. Then I have to tell them that I no longer want to continue talking to them and they usually get very mad at me. For me to be able to move on, I need to let go which I can't do if I'm talking to them every single day.

I am not a fan of having a relationship with another man so I have just started to accept that I'll be alone forever (or until my SN arrives).

 

[Spiritual survivor]

Sorry this is happening to u. For me I feel like I just had trouble maintaining relationships. I could get a guy but not keep or I would leave or push away. But I do feel pain over not having a guy in my life. It sucks. I'm much older than u tho. Yes I've wanted to exit life over not having a partner or feeling rejected by someone I really liked.

 

[depressedexwriter]

I personally would say that's not long enough. Forget "modern dating standards". Humans are so desensitized to this stuff it's disturbing. Do what you're comfortable with. I'd personally wait a couple months if I wanted to make sure it's serious.
And it doesn't matter what they tell you, people can be manipulative and they will to get what they want.

Then dont. If you never want to have sex again that's totally up to you. Don't let any guy tell you otherwise. If he really loves you and is really serious about the relationship, they'll drop it and respect your wishes.

Personally, I feel like 10 dates is a lot before having sex with someone. Obviously, these guys were mean / just interested in one thing, but if I'd gone on 8+ dates with a woman without having sex that would be a disappointing / frustrating experience. But if lonely30's experience of sex is that negative + filled with abandonment, I could understand why she would want to take her time.

 

[Marktheghost]

Me. I haven't even had a friend since about 2003, never mind a girlfriend!

 

[lonely30]

Within 10 dates/4-6 weeks? They might just be telling you what you want to hear, and if its all the same things then maybe they're pulling it from somewhere. My guess is the people on these dating sites are looking for one thing, and they might not even be single. The dating experience gap probably isn't helpful for figuring out who is doing what. I don't know what would help, you can't meet anyone organically at all? That's how people are usually attracted to me, not through dating sites, and I don't get any chances to meet people at all.

It was just one example and he just mentioned he had told them he had met someone. I do spend a lot of time doing social things so I think if I was going to meet someone that way it would have happened already. But anyway, I don't think I have much time left and I hardly have the energy to take care of myself, never mind date anymore. I was just curious about whether I was the only one with this experience.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

It was just one example and he just mentioned he had told them he had met someone. I do spend a lot of time doing social things so I think if I was going to meet someone that way it would have happened already. But anyway, I don't think I have much time left and I hardly have the energy to take care of myself, never mind date anymore. I was just curious about whether I was the only one with this experience.

It's definitely not you, it's the other people. I think lots of people in a similar situation here. If you ask me, it's harder to date the older you get but I imagine it depends on a lot.

 

[lonely30]

Being lonely can be so destructive and painful… I've ended up isolating myself entirely and giving up on life… I'm sorry you found yourself in this place

I am sorry for you too. Sometimes I think that maybe if I just took all my stuff and ran away from my life, and went to live somewhere cheap where life was easier, I could forget everything that happened to me here. But then I would be even more alone.

Personally, I feel like 10 dates is a lot before having sex with someone. Obviously, these guys were mean / just interested in one thing, but if I'd gone on 8+ dates with a woman without having sex that would be a disappointing / frustrating experience. But if lonely30's experience of sex is that negative + filled with abandonment, I could understand why she would want to take her time.

Yes I know. For a lot of people it's a very long time. And that makes it even more hurtful because I know a lot of people sleep together very fast and still form incredible relationships. I wonder what's wrong with me that I have to put in this whole waiting period to avoid being abandoned and even then it doesn't work.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I guess its different for me, I never expect it so 10 dates wouldn't seem a long time to me at all even if nobody has ever waited that long. Now I wonder if I drove my partner crazy at first because I didn't sleep with them for a while when we we're living together, lol. 10 dates really doesn't seem like a lot to me.

The time to do it is whenever is the right time, really.

 

[Capsaicin78]

Hmmm... It's definetely part of the story in my case but not the only reason.

 

[JFED]

I find them. They isolate me. I live in quiet desperation. Time to end the cycle

 

[Hurt]

This partially contributes to my ctb decision. I am going to kill myself for several reasons. One of these is that I never had a gf.