That sounds like pure, unadulterated torture. It sounds mind-numbingly boring. I'd rather ctb than have to do that, and for the rest of my life? No fucking way. I'd rather die! That's no way to live
And it may be—though the only definite way of knowing whether it is torture or not is by trying because while there are horrible aspects of having to work (never-ending schedule/restricted freedom, toll on mental and physical health, lack of enjoyment), some might find tiny pockets of positives while they work that takes the whole work life just outside of the boundaries of torture, not enough that it doesn't suck, but enough that it's better than risking a failed attempt at ctb or becoming homeless. Some of the tiny pockets of positives might include:
- gaining some self-respect from learning new skills and experience while also being able to take a little more control over your life from parents by independently driving/taking transportation to job location and having an independent schedule that also separates yourself from parents a bit more (also being able to invest in yourself with what you earn)
- staying on top of self-care (hygiene, grooming, beauty, fashion, etc.) also elevates self-confidence although it does require effort (and I know how tiring it can be as I used to do none of that before I started working)
- any friendly exchanges with coworkers, clients, or customers can make a big difference not only on how the day is going, but also how you see and feel about yourself. Having been in complete social isolation for a good 5 years before this job, the last thing I wanted was to work with people (and honestly I'd still prefer working alone if I could), but I guess thinking and believing how it's going to feel (expectation) vs. actually experiencing it in person (reality) can be very different depending on who you work with
- there's the reward to treat yourself to something yummy or enjoyable after a long day at work (kind of goes back into investing in yourself)
- you have something fresh to complain and rant about everyday LOL it seems to be a way many of our coworkers release some of their steam, sh**talk about their work situation, difficult/rude/entitled customers they had to deal with, or the way management handles certain things. You'll find a lot of new comrades bonding in the field of job sh**talking
(I personally avoid doing this at my job, but am happy to release my steam here on SS
)
But I think for now, my biggest relief is that I'm not staring at an empty void/future like I was before. The feeling of hopelessness from doing nothing was eating away at me slowly. Of course, that may have to do with me getting older as well. I think if I were still in my early 20s, I wouldn't feel as desperate as I am now.
