Is anyone else scared to CTB?

[Mr.nev]

I still plan on it obviously; in fact the day I choose to do it is soon, but I'm still quite terrified. I've never CTB'ed before (you can probably tell because yk. I'm typing this lol) and It's just a scary thought. What if my method goes wrong? What if it's painful and slow? Is there an afterlife? It scares me to know, or I guess not know, how my family is gonna react after seeing me, my friends. I think, will my dog miss me? I'll never get to see her again. I won't see any new movies, hear any new songs, see any new sights. I want to see the world, be happy, but I fear the only way is with death. I'm truly afraid of dying but it's the only thing that can bring me peace and comfort from this cruel world. Being alive is hell, it's awful, it's painful, but at the same time, what if CTBing is worse? The only thing that I deeply will miss is my dog, and I cry about her almost every night. She won't know what's happening, so I want to spoil her. Im deeply scared to CTB, but it's the only option I have left, so I have to take it. Can anyone else relate to what I feel?

 

[DCLXVI]

I'm not scared to ctb. I'm scared of what happens if I fail to ctb.

I'm not scared to ctb. I'm scared of what happens if I fail to ctb.

Also, no. There's no afterlife. If you've ever had surgery, it's exactly like being put out for surgery. You just never wake back up.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

My fear of living is more intense than my fear of dying.
And I believe that consciousness is nothing but brain activity and there is no such thing as a soul.

 

[bored2death]

i am surprised how scared i am. i guess it's the finality of the thing, but that's why it's desirable

i'm also really sad about it. it's a sad, lonely, scary thing, but simultaneously the best and most hopeful option

 

[Obliviate]

I'm petrified I was suppose to be gone already.........my body and mind keeps making excuses even though I hate living

 

[realname]

im scared of the regret kicking in when I jump... (-see: 'the view from halfway down' a poem about jumping off a bridge, by secretariat in Bojack horseman)

 

[blacksand]

Yes death terrifies me. It will probably take a lot of alcohol to be able to do it, but I've had my gun in my mouth many times while drunk so I know it's easier when my inhibitions are down.

 

[NeedAnEscape]

I am afraid of death and its permanence. Life, with all its lows, has brought me some incredible things. Most notably, the people I love more than anything in the world. I worry that my death could impact their future successes. I don't want to hold them back with my passing. They are all naturally strong individuals, and I trust that they would be able to move on. But, there's still an inkling of fear, regardless. I would also miss the beauty of creativity -- music, art, writing, video games, etc. I don't think the fear ever goes away, though it can be suppressed.

 

[hellispink]

we are just a casket . That casket is our body physical form. What we truly are is energy, that releases when we die back to where it belongs, the center the universe. Nothing weird happens after there aint pain. Pain only exists in this moment physical realm. Regarding if it will be painful while leaving (still alive) that depends on method time needed etc thats why is carefully chosen. As what will happen in this world after we leave, nothing. More billions of humans will keep born repeating the cycle, we will all be pointless and are replaced. All you take with you is your experiences and the love you shared with those you loved for example your pet. That should be enough we dont need nothing else to carry with us. We wont be able to miss regret nothing after we leave. I understand the anxiety i have had it regarding it too. It's completely normal be patient with yourself . You courageous and whatever you decide wherever you go y should be just fine so will i so will everyone here

 

[Oathkeeper]

Of course I'm scared. But my reality is far more terrifying. If we all die anyways, why even bother with the pains that come with life?

 

[F@#$]

I'd like to say no but I must be. Otherwise I'd have done it years ago. Right?

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

All of us. If we weren't, we probably wouldn't be here.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, I'm definitely scared. It's the greatest unknown. Every part about it. Will it be painful? How long for? Will I hallucinate a hell- even if there isn't one? Will it even work? What will be the consequences if it doesn't? Will it really upset the people left behind? I think it's a major reason why so many of us are still here. For now- death is scarier than life.

 

[Toobrokentofix]

So scared. Fuck. I wish I could find another way. I wish I could just be ok. I'm petrified and full of guilt to my children

 

[TooConscious]

Alot of us can be just as scared to CBT as we are of the idea of suffering more in this sick existence. The manipulators pulling strings have sure done a brutally efficient job of causing families to create carnage and suffering, all round misery in each others lives and it's so terrible this fucking world

 

[UKscotty]

I think all of us are scared to CTB.

Certainly those of us on the forum 6+ months I question if I am a fraud, a coward or just useless.

If CTB wasn't scary we'd all be long gone.

Here in the west we have an incredible abundance of fast painless methods. I don't believe it to be the method which is the issue, the issue we face is SI. Anyone who has mastered their SI is no longer with us.

 

[Latubmen]

Yes, I'm also scared to cbt. Sometimes thinking of it brings comfort, but actually doing it is whole other thing.

 

[FuneralCry]

What I would fear is trying to die going wrong, just leading to more suffering as a result. Ultimately what I fear is this hellish and harmful existence where there is no limit as to how much one can be tormented, but what keeps me trapped here is how suicide methods are either inaccessible or risky.

I just find it so incredibly horrible how we cannot have the option to just leave this existence in peace without any risks or complications, if there was the option to just instantly fall into an eternal sleep I wouldn't have any fears, such a thing would comfort me and be a relief.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I still plan on it obviously; in fact the day I choose to do it is soon, but I'm still quite terrified. I've never CTB'ed before (you can probably tell because yk. I'm typing this lol) and It's just a scary thought. What if my method goes wrong? What if it's painful and slow? Is there an afterlife? It scares me to know, or I guess not know, how my family is gonna react after seeing me, my friends. I think, will my dog miss me? I'll never get to see her again. I won't see any new movies, hear any new songs, see any new sights. I want to see the world, be happy, but I fear the only way is with death. I'm truly afraid of dying but it's the only thing that can bring me peace and comfort from this cruel world. Being alive is hell, it's awful, it's painful, but at the same time, what if CTBing is worse? The only thing that I deeply will miss is my dog, and I cry about her almost every night. She won't know what's happening, so I want to spoil her. Im deeply scared to CTB, but it's the only option I have left, so I have to take it. Can anyone else relate to what I feel?

Not afraid of after death. After death is non-existence forever. Why would I be afraid of not being able to suffer extreme pain ever again and not have to do anything ever again, no problems no suffering?

Fear is the anticipation of future pain. How can there be pain in non-existence? Or fear of the unknown. I'm certain it will be non-existence like before I was born

I only fear my suicide going wrong and remaining alive but in a worse condition

They purposefully made suicide risky and very difficult when it could be guaranteed and painless as with nembutal or assisted suicide

Non-existence is the ultimate bliss
They say that fear of death is inborn .

But this says children understand the permanence and universality of death only by age 9. So how could other animals fear death if other animals don't know they will die?

Grief by Age: Developmental Stages and Ways to Help | Eluna Network

elunanetwork.org

9 years of 100 trillion connections in the brain fine tunning to grasp this concept we all die anyway

Other animals don't have language with which they can learn abstract concepts like these but still it takes 9 years for a human to understand this . Animals don't know they will die

Of course this is the average and some might understand sooner than 9.

 

[vanilladust]

I am terrified. I don't want to hurt my family. I don't want things to go wrong. Best case scenario, I attempt, die, and I'm revived with no after side effects.

 

[outrider567]

I'm too miserable to be scared of death

 

[penguinl0v3s]

I am afraid of death and its permanence. Life, with all its lows, has brought me some incredible things. Most notably, the people I love more than anything in the world. I worry that my death could impact their future successes. I don't want to hold them back with my passing. They are all naturally strong individuals, and I trust that they would be able to move on. But, there's still an inkling of fear, regardless. I would also miss the beauty of creativity -- music, art, writing, video games, etc. I don't think the fear ever goes away, though it can be suppressed.

When someone kills themselves, a person never moves on. They just grieve silently after the grieving period because it is no longer acceptable to be openly upset. They will always be affected by it: loss is not just something anyone moves on from, just copes with. It changes people permanently. Know a guy who hasn't been happy almost 10 years after his friend's ctb.

Just my two cents. An alternative perspective is that your current pain could be greater than any pain that others will feel from not preventing your death. My ctb partner said that once, and he was probably right. I doubt the pain I feel from losing him is anything like the pain he felt. Can't say about others though, given that we live in a pro-life society they probably took it harder.

 

[Frontier]

I urge you to reconsider. You seem uncertain, and CTBing is permanent. You have friends, your family, and of course your dog who all care for you. I wouldn't CTB right now, especially if you aren't 100% sure that this is the best way. Is it really worth it?

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Yup. I'm most scared of things going south though. And spending a lifetime wanting out but stymied by fear.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Not afraid of after death. After death is non-existence forever. Why would I be afraid of not being able to suffer extreme pain ever again and not have to do anything ever again, no problems no suffering?

Fear is the anticipation of future pain. How can there be pain in non-existence? Or fear of the unknown. I'm certain it will be non-existence like before I was born

I only fear my suicide going wrong and remaining alive but in a worse condition

They purposefully made suicide risky and very difficult when it could be guaranteed and painless as with nembutal or assisted suicide

Non-existence is the ultimate bliss
They say that fear of death is inborn .

But this says children understand the permanence and universality of death only by age 9. So how could other animals fear death if other animals don't know they will die?

Grief by Age: Developmental Stages and Ways to Help | Eluna Network

elunanetwork.org

9 years of 100 trillion connections in the brain fine tunning to grasp this concept we all die anyway

Other animals don't have language with which they can learn abstract concepts like these but still it takes 9 years for a human to understand this . Animals don't know they will die

Of course this is the average and some might understand sooner than 9.

I always appreciate what you have commented.

When someone kills themselves, a person never moves on. They just grieve silently after the grieving period because it is no longer acceptable to be openly upset. They will always be affected by it: loss is not just something anyone moves on from, just copes with. It changes people permanently. Know a guy who hasn't been happy almost 10 years after his friend's ctb.

I agree, especially when there's questions they'll never have an answer to for life. I have an understanding that they'll never ever get over it as an example being the guy you talked about and it's possibly also why others ctb afterwards because of the intensity of the loss getting to them.

 

[sundown12]

i'm not scared of the afterlife, in fact, i crave it, but i'm scared of ctbing itself and having regrets flash by in my last seconds.

 

[thalasabin]

I want to commit suicide very badly but many things hold me back. Leaving my favorite things behind. Leaving behind people who care about me. The idea of never waking up again. It's fucking scary man but I can't think of any other solution that'll truly bring me peace. Death feels like it can solve all of my problems.

 

[hi-okbye]

no matter how many times i try to ctb, there's always a bit of fear before i do it. i think over time though i've at least changed my fear of what happens after to a curiosity or excitement. like moving to a completely new country (lets say you didn't do research beforehand), you don't know anything that will happen, but instead of being scared, you can choose to be excited (or at least try to be).
good luck <3

 

[Lostindespair3]

im scared of the regret kicking in when I jump... (-see: 'the view from halfway down' a poem about jumping off a bridge, by secretariat in Bojack horseman)

I know this thread is old, but I was just reading through it, because I was searching "bridge". Even though I really do want to die, there are SO many things I fear. I want to jump so bad…but will I have the guts to make the leap? Will I regret it once I do (some GGB survivors say the regret after jumping is instant)? (Loved the poem, by the way) will it be excruciating upon landing? Will I die on impact or drown? Will the poor people that gave to extract my body be negatively affected? How will my family fare? Am I leaving too many loose ends for them (no will, packing/selling my house, etc)? On and on I stress!

Where my jumpers at?? What do you tell yourself with all these fears??

 

[realname]

I just hope I could go there with a plan & not draw attention to myself & land on my head.
Maybe at night to try and avoid interference

I have yet to visit the bridge I want to die on but I suspect that's a first step personally to just go there.