I think how our logic diverges at the second paragraph here is interesting
I've been privileged enough to have a good family and a partner that's fine with me being insecure. When I met her, I was anxious and needy, but she was really accepting and loved me more or less unconditionally to the point I stopped worrying.
But when my fear of not being lovable and deserving my loneliness disappeared, I stopped wanting love entirely. I accept, appreciate, and reciprocate as best I can, but I don't chase- without fear, it's a skin-deep sensation just like happiness. The same's happened with all sorts of things- friendship, marriage, intimacy, sex, physical strength, academic success, wealth, etc. Once they became tangible, I realized I didn't want them. I now want very little other than a peaceful and quick path to CTB.
To be clear I'm not trying to say you're wrong or invalidate your experience, I just have a different one and wanted to share.
That said- do you think your stance would change if you received unconditional love?
oh also your pfp's cool, I like the nails