Is anyone else completely socially isolated?

[Thisgirlwantstosleep]

Don't have any friends, and when I did have them they didn't treat me well or care about me much. I'm always expendable when it comes to relationships with other people.

Being this alone is contributing to me wanting to CBT.

I only have family members as contacts in my phone and only talk to my mum regularly.

Most of my socialisation comes from social media which helps at times. But, I keep seeing videos of people my age going out drinking and to restaurants and other fun things and I've never done anything like that ever, even before the pandemic.

Never been drunk or even tried alcohol, never been to a club, party or concert, never been on a holiday with friends; I haven't even done the really basic things like go out to eat at a restaurant or just go on shopping trips or to the cinema.

Back when I had friends they'd ignore my messages or if I managed to convince them to go out with me it was clear they were uncomfortable and didn't really want to be seen with me.

I've always been bullied because of my looks and it's made me withdraw from people (well it turned into quite severe BDD). I still get comments about my appearance now as an adult which is both embarrassing and further encompasses my feelings.

I'd love to talk to people and get to know them but everyone is always so horrible to me.

And on top of that humans hate socially awkward/anxious people. It feels like I'm being tortured;
people have made me into this barely functioning wreck and my handicapped state that they created to further alienate and discriminate against me.. It's mercilessly cruel.

Not to mention you need social connections to actually get a job these days. And, employers love fun, extroverted people that partake in social hobbies like sports or travelling.

Because of my experiences I never had the opportunity to actually express myself and see what I like and dislike or partake in anything because people simply wouldn't allow me.

I feel like I've been set up to fail because this isn't just something that affects my social life but job prospects as well.

Hence why I feel suicidal.

 

[WornOutLife]

Yes, I'm totally lonely too.
I only talk to my dad, dog, students and you all.

Friends are nothing more than an old memory! (although I still have 1 who I seldom talk to).

In my case, I've really got used to loneliness and I think I will die like this.

 

[lofticries]

I've never had friends and it used to kill me when I was in highschool and such. But after leaving that hell hole I felt a bit better about being alone. In fact having actual friends now would feel odd. Having at least one good irl friend would be okay though but I kinda don't want that for ctb reasons. Not to mention I'll always have the sneaking suspicion that they really want nothing to do with me.

I hate socializing in general but have faked good socializing skills in the past so long as I'm in a structured environment (work,family functions etc).

I've been bullied in the past for my height so I can understand what its like to not feel comfortable in your own skin.

Oddly enough being a loner isn't a reason I want to ctb. I've already accepted the fact that I'll be alone for pretty much the rest of my life. However the thing that kills me is that in order to function as an adult and make a living I have to learn how to deal with people on a daily basis. As someone who suffers from social anxiety this is like forcing myself to breath while being under water. It almost seems like an impossible task at times.

I wish this world was kinder to those who don't have the best social skills. It sucks living a life where you're scared and uncomfortable every day. Out of all my mental disorders social anxiety has ruined my life the most.

 

[demuic]

I understand. I do have one friend but he doesn't live close so we only speak online. The only people I interact with everyday are my family members. The last time I had a group of friends was middle school and even then I felt isolated and different from them due to my family circumstances.

The world does not care about people who have problems with social interaction. It's even worse because we usually blend into the shadows and can't let our feelings be known. I definitely feel stunted from not being able to experience as much in life as other people.

 

[exitbag.ftw]

Yees..

I've had a few friends in some periods of my life, but in the past years I've isolated myself. I have social anxiety so it's really complicated for me to make new ones.

I miss having friends a lot. I only talk to my parents and siblings (not that much). This is definatelly contributing for me wanting to CTB.

I've been bullied in the past for my height so I can understand what its like to not feel comfortable in your own skin.

Me too... me too
My selfsteem is so low since then

 

[MYStERY_Man]

Can relate a bit, however.

Never been drunk or even tried alcohol, never been to a club, party or concert, never been on a holiday with friends; I haven't even done the really basic things like go out to eat at a restaurant or just go on shopping trips or to the cinema.

Been there, done that, mostly in high school. When I realized none of that fulfilled me, I was the one to neglect relationships. In college, when I went out shopping, to a restaurant, to the movies, to a concert or to music festivals, it was always on my own. And it was fine, but...

Not to mention you need social connections to actually get a job these days. And, employers love fun, extroverted people that partake in social hobbies like sports or travelling.

This is definitely my biggest issue right now. I can see a way I'm able to stay a loner and not starve, but sometimes the path to get me there seems as difficult as building a ladder to the moon.

 

[HenryHobkins]

i cant fucking take it anymore

 

[brokenwaves]

i understand you, i've been hurt so much by the few people i've ever been close to. i've always been introverted & as a child had to be forced to socialise with others. but throughout my life, i've managed to have a few close friends most of the time - this is mostly thanks to being in education for all those years, which increased my chances of making friends. however, i left university a few years ago now and since then i have pretty much nobody in my life. i have about 5 numbers in my phone, and my only "friends" are twitter mutuals (most i've never even met in real life). my only remaining true friend, i haven't even seen in over a year now thanks to the pandemic. sometimes i feel lonely and like i want friends, but it seems pretty impossible because i am really bad at conversations, my life is so boring so i have nothing to talk to friends about, and my mental illnesses mean sometimes i am not fun to be around whatsoever. i miss the company though sometimes and being around a group of nice people, but i'm pretty undesirable as a friend & my current situation makes it impossible to meet any new ones any time soon.

 

[SweetDreams500]

Me. I spend the majority of the day inside my room. The only time I leave the house is whenever I have an appointment with my psychiatrist, which happens once every 2 months. You guys are the only social interaction I have

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't really socially interact with anyone at the moment in real life. I had always had friends as an child and a teenager but not really for a long time. I'm quite introverted really and even when I had friends I felt that being social was often exhausting. I think due to my mild autism i've always had communication problems too.

 

[MYStERY_Man]

Can relate a bit, however.

Been there, done that, mostly in high school. When I realized none of that fulfilled me, I was the one to neglect relationships. In college, when I went out shopping, to a restaurant, to the movies, to a concert or to music festivals, it was always on my own. And it was fine, but...

This is definitely my biggest issue right now. I can see a way I'm able to stay a loner and not starve, but sometimes the path to get me there seems as difficult as building a ladder to the moon.

I forgot something. Just because socializing didn't turn out to be my cup of tea, it doesn't mean it wouldn't make you happy.

Unfortunately, I don't think I can help much.

I know how crippling anxiety can be, it's what made me suicidal in the first place. In high school I was lucky that 3 dudes took pity on me and reached out (if not for them, I wouldn't have even tried), in time I learned to emulate the disinhibition that alcohol brings and, after reading lots of self-help stuff, was able to have those experiences. Not my thing, but at least I won't die wondering.

 

[emptyinside]

I can relate. The only people I have contact with nowadays are my parents and my sister.

I had problems with making friends since I can remember. Even as a child when I had a group I was hanging with I felt like I don't suite to them. I had a time in my life when I tried to open up to other. Of course I failed so I don't even try again. I don't use social media anymore, my only attempts for socialization exist here on SS.

It's truth though that the world benefit extroverts. I feel like I don't fit to this world cause of my personality. Even in a simpliest jobs they demand a communication skill. I can't imagine myself learning this after almost 24 wasted years.

 

[Desi]

Yes, I'm very lonely, too. There are a lot of lonely people, actually, you're not alone in this.
you described this vicious circle of isolation and estrangement very well, actually, congratulations.

 

[OpheliasFlowers]

I can relate to almost everything you described. And I'm in my 50s so many of the opportunities and hopes I had for social interaction, experiences, relationships and jobs are long gone for me now.

I've never had many friends but I've had 0 real life ACTUAL friends for over 20 years since I became so isolated and housebound due to my health. And it seems the more a person needs and wants friends, the rest of world can sense that and it's like a repellent to them so chances get even less of ever making a friend.

So many of us are truly alone and lonely - but ironically we're not alone in being in that situation.

 

[JustAMatterOfTime]

Pretty much. I used to have friends and go out and do things, go places, have fun, go to clubs and pubs. Be sociable with people, I would say that from age 16-20 was the happiest time of my life, I wish I could relive it. Unfortunately it all went wrong after that and without going into too much detail I had a complete breakdown because of a boyfriend, couldn't finish university, couldn't go out without crying my eyes out, tried to slash my arms up, stayed in psychiatric hospitals numerous times which just made it worse. Then I ended up having to move back in with my mum. I really should have just died right then. My life since has just been a complete waste.

I wouldn't mind so much if I was how I am now my entire life but I have seen how it can be different and I will never get that back.

Now I just keep to myself, I get really anxious having to go out and the thought of seeing a friend from my past causes me to panic. I avoid anywhere near to me because of this, shops etc I will drive 30 mins away just in case. I take pills which have changed the way I think, done more harm than good and now many days I'm just like a zombie so wouldn't be able to keep up a relationship with anyone or any friends anyway.

 

[Desi]

I feel shameful too. It powerfully inhibates me even further.

 

[Some1's_Wasted_Fetus]

I feel you. I don't like the party lifestyle. I don't drink or go to parties but I'm not religious enough to hang with the zealots 24/7. I just don't care to be the center of attention so social interactions drain me but at the same time I need a few friends/someone who cares about me to be in my life otherwise I go into an even deeper depression. I've been applying to jobs recently and the interview process is so draining. After just 1 interview I want to be alone for the rest of the week. Employers love extroverted, personable people because introverted reclusives aren't seen as approachable. If I'm hired I have no idea how I'd keep this facade up for the rest of my life :(

 

[Anonymous_A]

Yeah, for the last two, but mostly the this last year.

Haven't left my flat during daylight for over a year now. Always head out around 9pm to pick up food and baccy. Haven't talked to anyone besides short phone calls with my dad.
Old friends, it's just got to the point where since they didn't check up back when I fel into this hole, so I never replied back last year when they started to ask

Fuck knows what happened. I did 4 years at uni, still ended up failing everything but man I was a different person back then.
Nights out, festivals...Glastonbury, cream fields, junction 2, park life..

.idek who I am now

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

i have been alone for so long now that social interaction would feel uncomfortable. i''m sorry for your suffering i wish i could say something more helpful

 

[a_defect]

I don't really know if it would count as isolation but I might be in real life. The only friendships I have had were online ones and even then some of these ones started kind of recently. I haven't really had any friends in my entire life. I've been pushed away by everyone and at times when I felt like I have had friends, it was always a relationship out of their pity at best I guess. But nobody eventually cared and I let them all fall.

But even if I wasn't isolated from the rest of the world, this alone wouldn't stop me from following through, since my decisions that led me to this point were influenced by complete strangers and the mechanics of the system that's running in this world.

I'm sorry for not being helpful much – maybe I should have responded to the post itself instead of the question…

 

[Makko]

Being able to live in social isolation without having to be a wilderness survivalist is the great blessing of our age

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

I'm in such complete and total solitary confinement with no socialising whatsoever that i've started having severe issues speaking.

 

[Makko]

I'm in such complete and total solitary confinement with no socialising whatsoever that i've started having severe issues speaking.

Is the derealization kicking in for you yet?

 

[Idledays]

I can relate to a lot of what you have said @Thisgirlwantstosleep .

I've started to realise there's a lot more introverted, quiet people around then we're led to believe. You're right about workplaces being dominated by outgoing extrovert personalities, and it skews our understanding of nornal. It makes us feel 'other'.

Quiet people only get more quiet when we feel misunderstood, or scared, or overwhelmed. So it's a vicious cycle of loud people telling us we're "odd" or the like, only to make us retreat even more.

You're not odd, or different. Its just the 'louder' personality types dominate and it can mean the quieter, or 'different' personality types aren't seen, even in large numbers.

I hope you get some comfort by knowing you're not at all on your own, or different, or weird. It can unfortunately be a self fulfilling prophesy to be told you're too quiet.. Or odd... You start believe it and end up taking yourself out of sitiations only to feel like you're missing out on things.

But whatever your personality, i can guarantee there are others out there who would think you're interesting, and fun to be with. Sorry its not so easy to find in our loud extrovert dominated world!

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

Is the derealization kicking in for you yet?

Oh, i'm feeling it Mr Krabs, i've pretty much just mentally isekaied myself from this reality.

 

[Celerity]

I live with my parents and have one friend who is flaky about texting back (before anyone asks, not the girl I've been bitching about). Most of my social interaction probably comes from work. Pretty sad state of affairs for someone who's not yet thirty.

 

[killedbypsychiatry]

Yess I no longer go out of my house, I just can't. I just interact with my family and people online. I just don't want my old friends and relatives to see me after I got injured

 

[Quiet Desperation]

You aren't alone. It's the primary reason I'm here. What's really sad is that this is the invisible plague of our time.

According to the US Health Resources and Services Administration:
~25% of Americans live alone
~20% say they feel lonely or socially isolated
~40% report that they sometimes or always feel their social relationships are not meaningful
Chronic loneliness carries similar risks to heart health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, just one among many other dire correlations.

That's 66 million people who feel the way we do in the US alone.

 

[Celerity]

You aren't alone. It's the primary reason I'm here. What's really sad is that this is the invisible plague of our time.

According to the US Health Resources and Services Administration:
~25% of Americans live alone
~20% say they feel lonely or socially isolated
~40% report that they sometimes or always feel their social relationships are not meaningful
Chronic loneliness carries similar risks to heart health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, just one among many other dire correlations.

That's 66 million people who feel the way we do in the US alone.

40%. Damn. Ours is not a healthy society.

 

[OpheliasFlowers]

I wouldn't mind so much if I was how I am now my entire life but I have seen how it can be different and I will never get that back.

Now I just keep to myself, I get really anxious having to go out and the thought of seeing a friend from my past causes me to panic. I avoid anywhere near to me because of this, shops etc I will drive 30 mins away just in case. I take pills which have changed the way I think, done more harm than good and now many days I'm just like a zombie so wouldn't be able to keep up a relationship with anyone or any friends anyway.

We have a few circumstances in common - although my life REALLY went down the toilet in almost every way when I was around 27 and first diagnosed with endometriosis (and a few other health issues), when I was 20 my first boyfriend (we'd dated 3 years) dumped me by sending me a letter that he mailed on his way out of town to move to another city 4 hours away for college. We'd been planning to move to that city together but then I get this 'see ya' letter. He moved on from our relationship pretty much immediately and also I discovered hed been cheating on me with a mutual 'friend' for the last year of our relationship. It was awful. I have never experienced the kind of mental deterioration and loss and betrayal I felt then. I'm actually surprised now that *I* never ended up hospitalized during that, and it literally took me decades to even start overcoming the trauma from it. (I had trauma and abandonment issues, and low self esteem before meeting him but his behavior validated all that for me and also I had NO friends to talk to or find comfort in during this time so that made it harder).

I related very much also to what you wrote about how much worse it is dealing with life now after experiencing, even for a short while in your youth, what life is like to NOT be so tormented and miserable on a daily basis, and to know you'll NEVER get that back. It's soulcrushing is one of the major reasons I'm just DONE with this life. Add on my age and well...not looking forward to the increasing misery, loneliness, MORE health problems and suffering that aging brings a person. Why bother to try anymore. I've tried and tried for over 30+ years to better my life and failed at every turn and attempt.

I too get extremely anxious whenever I have to go out anywhere, which is usually only dr or ER visits these last 15 years or more. I was wondering if the pills you take are anti-anxiety meds, specifically benzos. That's what I've been on for about 7 years now. Started with Ativan which really helped at first, but then I tapered off those finally (not fun) and when I was hit with another health issue 2 years ago they put me on Klonopin (very low dose) but they do virtually nothing to help my anxiety symptoms. Like you, I feel the meds have done more harm than good in the long run: my mind doesn't function like it used to, I am terrified to take the pills indefinitely but also afraid to not have them/take them because the anxiety symptoms are so horrible and debilitating in and of themselves. It's a catch-22 for me.

I'm so sorry you're going through all you are. I'm assuming youre younger than me...someone like you deserves life to be a wonderful adventure to be experienced and to look forward to great things in your future, one of hope and fulfillment. It's not fair or right you are being denied that right now and I hope for you that somehow things will change for the better. I know those are just words from a stranger but I mean them with all my heart because I see so much of what I went through in your post, and I feel for you. Sending you a hug.