Is anybody else constantly reconsidering CTB?

[xanonumousjx]

On one hand, I want to end it because I truly believe there is no hope, but on the other I feel like a bitch for not fighting. I've fought alone trough everything, I'm extraordinarily ambitious so CTB is a huge blow to my ego. I have so many plans for the future, yet there is nothing I can do to end my suffering. CTB seems to be the only option. I'm afraid of the day that I'll just snap and do it. BTW, does access to methods (or information on how to CTB successfully) make one more or less likely to CTB? I've heard people say that they didn't want to do it anymore after obtaining access to a method because it calmed them down.

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

if i had a method id be long gone.

 

[vitbar]

Yes and I am still seeking treatment for now.

For me I feel closer to doing it having researched. Also I think having what you need makes it more likely to happen during a time of increased stress and upset. There have been times where if I had a gun I might not be here today.

 

[hananover]

No, I honestly don't find myself reconsidering. I've come to this site, because I'm actively suicidal and I just want a space where I don't get treated like I'm evil for feeling this way.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

No no I will still ctb, there are just things I need to do in the next two days and my plans to ctb won't ever change.

People have different reasons why they want to ctb honestly and I just realised in this world it's not what's right or what's wrong it's who is the best liar and more evil and I can't believe my mum saw right through him from 2009 when she told me she didn't want him in her house.