I don't know if this counts, but the only human face I ever see if my mother's. She hates me and I hate her. She has been abusive since I was a child. She is pathologically narcissistic and controlling, among other things. My other family doesn't live near me and if they did, I wouldn't see them anyway. They are mostly all horrible people. And the ones that aren't obviously stay away. I haven't seen any of them since my 20s. I did have my grandparents but they are dead now. When I was unable to reliably and safely go to work 11-12 years ago, a doctor helped me apply for disability and I was approved, but it was not enough to live on my own. I had one friend, but she was not in a position to take in anyone and I had and still have no one else, so I moved in with the egg donor. And I am still here. It just keeps getting worse and worse. And I no longer have that friend. The one thing I do have is a dog that spends more time with me than her. I am no longer allowed to use my car. She locks my keys up. I distract myself as much as I can with TV shows, video games, movies, books, sleeping. I only leave the house to go into the back or front yard to take my dog out. Sometimes if she has been drinking and is passed out, I sneak out at night to walk around the neighborhood or go into the small town that is connected to the suburb where I live. She believes mental illness is an excuse for bad behavior, even though science, the government and, and every doctor I have ever seen does as well, so she won't drive me to appointments, so I only see my doctors and therapists over video chats. I order most of what I need online. I go sometimes if I can afford Ubers, so not very often- I'm about 20 miles out from who I see. My "outings" end up being to the hospital. Sometimes for medical problems and sometimes for the psych ward.
Sorry, word vomit. But I don't know if that counts as completely alone.
