"The other side" doesn't scare me at all. Because no matter how my life would have turned out I would eventually die just like everyone else. So it's not like I can avoid it. I really want to live, but I don't want to live this life that is just filled with endless suffering. I know how it feels to enjoy life, and it will probably never happen again, so death is something i'm really looking forward too. There is just one positive things with the fact that i'm still alive, and it's that those who care about me and love me don't have to suffer because of me. But I am very afraid of being stuck here on earth for decades and not having the option to end it. (Either because of health getting worse to a level where I can't end it, or because of a failed suicide attempt.)