Is a failed suicide attempt traumatic?

[rs929]

Whether it is overdosing, hanging (partial or full), poisoning etc., do you think that a failed attempt may represent a trauma and even give you PTSD-like symptoms on its own?

 

[EmptyManForever]

Yes I think failed attempts can cause some kind of damage to the brain, I think I'm also experiencing something similar from a failed attempt

 

[Symbiote]

After failing SN, I couldn't bear to eat salty foods for a few months. That day still invokes an emotional response whenever I think about it. Whether the events leading up to it and then waking up afterwards and realizing I lived gets me a bit choked up in both a good and bad way. Good as in, "Ok I didn't fuck up that badly that I live and can try again", Bad as in "Am I invincible or a fucktard?"

 

[Lucien]

Of course it can. It's not exactly a tea party.

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

I think it can but I was already heavily traumatized prior to my attempt. I remember vomiting, screaming, and I was unable to comprehend or answer questions so it was definitely a bad experience at the very least.

 

[LunarPyotr]

To be honest here, I think this might depend from person to person and from the way someone tries to kill themselves.
My failed attempt was not really traumatic for example and I don't got any panic attacks or anything after I tried to drive a motorcycle again

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

The most likely way I'd survive my attempt would be with some amount of brain damage, lol. So for me it would be a large amount of physical trauma. I'm guessing it wouldn't affect me psychologically, the attempt I mean, the brain damage would devastate my psyche if I had one left.

 

[Trisolaris]

For me it wasn't traumatic, just frustrating and disappointing.

 

[Breakout92]

Mine was fairly traumatic. Not enough to cause PTSD or anything but enough to make me not want to talk about it in any detail, and to make me not want to try that method again even though I know what had done wrong.

 

[EDMisgood]

I had a near-death experience with SN a few months ago, I can't recall most of the things I "saw" when I was about to pass out completely, but I remember hearing a woman whispering "sleep well " and then there was just darkness.

 

[Phoenix]

Yes my PTSD was triggered by a suicide attempt

 

[FreeAngel]

I had a failed suicide attempt in October 2020 and since then I have nightmares almost every night

 

[Mentalmick]

Apart from permanent physical damage, I don't think any of the 4 attempts have effected me. The second one changed me but nothing drastic.

 

[BridgeJumper]

Yes
After my jump off a bridge swimming and bathing was never the same again. I still get panic attacks sometimes when I submerge myself in water, especially cold water. Been heating up my drinks in a kettle for weeks after because drinking it room temperature made me freak out.
Then this year I went and hung myself off it. Now I get panic response everytime something tightens around my neck. Scarf, a strong touch from something. Youre taking your own life, its gotta traumatize you somehow

 

[ansiedad]

Totally.
Im here because my failed attempt.
And since of this all days I spent so many time thinking in ctb.

 

[GarageKarate07]

There's a member here who failed at a wrist slicing. I'm sure there are many others plus all the ones who already posted. The ruined hand was put up about 2 weeks ago. A painful reminder of a failed attempt but also a lesson or 2 to learn from. Bleeding and pain can cause shock and that is a horrible thing. It's good to share because it can help others double check their method and homework. Even just the hospital and aftermath of counseling can be a horrible experience. The system is sadly not built to care about this and many other issues.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

Yes. The desperation and not having it work is so painful. I still feel ashamed. I still get urges to try my attempts again. My failed attempts were somehow empowering, I guess. But then I remember the shame of failing.

 

[W’ren]

Wow i never considered this.

Everyone talks about how much attempts and failed attempts affect the people around the person who tried... not the suicidal person themselves being traumatized. At least never to me.

Upon reflection, for sure a failed attempt would be traumatic, wether you realized it at the time or not.

I flash back to different attempts of mine a lot. I have no one to talk to about details- sometimes i see everything so very clearly in my head- sometimes it's a flash-a smell- a feeling... and i'm left a mess for the day.

Why i've never realized that was trauma until now- probably because no one official has ever, ever talked with about any attempt i made- like they never happened- or like they were so taboo to talk about it was just better to never mention them.

And so the shame set in.

Thank you, OP, for your question. It's given me something to think about- and a place to start in possibly coping, if i'm around long enough to learn a bit.

 

[Unlucked]

I took a whole bunch of sleep eeze like 2 handfuls and I ended up passing out and waking up screaming repeatedly for an entire night, while also having cold swears and a rapid heart beat. Each time I'd feel like fainting and I'd be like "oh fuck here it goes again" and then I'd black out and wake up screaming wishing it was the last time but then lo and behold I'd pass out only to wake up screaming again. I think this happened almost 100 times through the course of the night, and I couldn't call the ambulance because I physically couldn't move, it felt like huge weights were on my arms and legs.

The other time with partial suspension was equally as traumatizing due to the fact that I drifted between being unconscious and my brain thumping af from blood building up, while simultaneously hearing warped looney toons sounds and visualizing black and white cartoons in my head. This led to me being jolted awake to full consciousness only to have my arms feel heavy due to not having oxygen, and feeling like the world was spinning.

Luckily my body released one last surge of energy and I could take the belt off. But yeah, definitely those attempts made me fear the method of death and after that I knew 100 percent I needed a guaranteed, peaceful method with no chance of waking up/ altered States of consciousness.

Because being partially aware when you are legit dying and feeling your consciousness slip away only to be jerked back into consciousness is like hell. Honestly though this got rid of my fear of death because you don't literally jerk in and out of existence repeatedly. It's just once and over.

But honestly, I reckon that's why babies cry when they first experience self awareness after not having any sort of consciousness, its scary af to just rapidly change from not having a self awareness to having it all of a sudden.

Being aware but not being able to move like locked in body syndrome is freaky as hell too. I pray that I never end up in a vegetative state because you don't know if there is a person with partial consciousness just trapped in a prison of their body yearning for death.

I also experienced time dilation with partial and it felt like each moment was hours. So yeah I'd say it's traumatizing because sometimes I question the nature of time and that scares me more than death. Like what if the moment of death happens and time slows down to the point where you are experiencing that moment of discomfort for eternity. Really freaky stuff. I honestly feel like not having any sort of consciousness is a mercy, the only respite I had during those blackout sessions was actually being blacked out. That's why everytime I woke up I wished I'd just stay blacked out the next time. I legit yearned for the destruction of my consciousness that's how excruciating waking up was.

At least I'm not afraid of being non-existent anymore. Being aware and in that state is more frightening.

 

[plough22]

It is the one fear that is stopping me for now. Fear of failing, I am even thinking of a backup. Life is hard, sometimes a release is required. I hope you feel better, hope we all do. We don't deserve to feel this way but we do.

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, I think it can be. It can be a hopeless feeling too and it can feel like we are trapped. One time I was close and I couldn't go through with it. That was in a moment of desperation. I can remember the state of mind I was in at that point and it is painful to think about. I'm scared of failing a proper attempt, and ending up with consequences from it. It is what holds me back.