Irony of Our Fear

[Pentobarbital_Plz]

It's kind of ironic that we are so afraid of suffering right before we ctb, when we have been suffering our whole lives.

We are afraid of pain, discomfort, vomit, etc. It's not like we've never experienced such sensations before. We just gotta endure the discomfort as we've endured YEARS and YEARS of discomfort already.

CTB involves not getting over fear, but embracing it. All of that anxiety one feels about dying—all of it has been felt before.
We've all felt extremely anxious before.

Life has prepared all of us for its Final Act. If catching that bus is what one desires, that individual is READY.

It IS possible. It's not easy. Nothing in Life is easy or 100% comfortable.

Dying is part of Life, so of course it's gonna suck.

Death itself is the relief.

The dying process is still Life but we are READY and we CAN ctb if we decide to just do it.




Anyway…I'll still be here tomorrow and so will you :/

 

[jodes2]

Thankfully there are methods available that aren't too bad. N is great. SN is so so. Jumping is fine if you can get over the SI and have a high enough place to jump, assuming you're not very unlucky and survive.

 

[Sad_Sack]

Yeah its weird. I think its a combo of not only the pain but SI as well. The two fears together are like an anti ctb tag team and you're in there solo. I think my biggest obstacle is fear of nothingness. I hate the idea of it. I realise I won't know that I'm experiencing nothingness but I am fully aware of it while I'm alive and all the more aware of it when its time to check out. I realise that before I was born I had no complaints, but I also realise that was because I had nothing at all. I don't want that. I really don't want my health and mental issues though either. On top of my suffering with those I am being torn apart by wanting to die and SI. I'm so miserable. I have been wearing my tourniquet around my neck when I have time alone so that if I get a good moment of realisation that I'm just prolonging the inevitable I can just tighten it on the spur of the moment. I hardly leave my bed anymore. I don't speak to anyone. I lay here all day wishing I was dead and I'm still here.

 

[DeathBecomesMe_2021]

It's that fear of the unknown, since we've never experienced death before ;)

 

[socrates]

I think when you deal with so much pain throughout your life, the thought of bringing on any new pain, even a final pain is just too great. Then you also always have the drug known as hope. Even if you feel hopeless it still manages to lie secretly inside of you foiling your plans.

It's that fear of the unknown, since we've never experienced death before ;)

The unknown is scary too, but also somewhat exciting. What I know sucks, so the unknown might be great

 

[DeathBecomesMe_2021]

The unknown is scary too, but also somewhat exciting. What I know sucks, so the unknown might be great

That's an interesting way of looking at it.

 

[tyasma]

For me it's about coming to terms with my failures, shortcomings and the bad luck I was given in life (genetics, environment...). That no matter how much work I put into it, it wasn't enough to even stay alive without killing myself. It's that persistence that's still keeping me here.

"Hope", in a way. That I'm "strong" enough or have enough "luck" to have things suddenly going my way. That's all diminishing again, though. Every day I think about planning another attempt a couple of days from then. Starting to accept it for what it is, was and will have to be. Don't know how long it'll take, or if something will happen in the meantime. But even if it does, I keep asking myself if it's still worth staying here anyway. I don't seem to particularly enjoy my life experience much these days, it seems like I was only able to when highly delusional.

 

[Zegers]

Although my method is SN i think its not as good as N, definitely "the potion"

 

[Forever Sleep]

I keep trying to tell myself this also- that I've likely experienced a lot of the SN effects already- I'm hoping it won't actually be as bad as gallstones.

Still- I guess it is the not knowing- not knowing how our bodies will react, not even being sure it will work- and if it doesn't- the consequences that follow could make our lives worse. Also, for those of us who have any worries about a possible afterlife or eternal nothingness- that's frightening too. It's all just a gamble really where things could end up worse. I hope not though. I hope CTB brings peace for all of us.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case the main thing that I fear is ctb somehow failing and just leading me to be trapped in this world, experiencing more endless suffering. This is what holds me back and keeps me here. But yes, a painful dying process would be nowhere near as painful as continuing to endure this existence for many more years. Existence is the true horrific thing with no limit as to how much we can be tortured so of course to die is ideal as death solves everything in life. The thought of no longer existing has always comforted me to such a great extent.

But I do know that if I had a peaceful and reliable way to exit I would have no problems with going through with ctb and I would certainly already be gone. It's incredibly unfair how we were forced here without choice yet we have to struggle so much in finally being free from the burden that is existence. But as we all know so many have succeeded with ctb and I envy them. I envy dead people in general and always have done.

 

[Sapphire]

I think that it is really the fear of the unknown that is the biggest obstacle that has to be overcome. It's human nature to be afraid of the unknown and to always imagine the worst case scenario.

I have been struggling with this and have given a lot of thought as to why I am unable to take the final step. The main reason is that I am afraid of what comes after. I know that this fear is completely irrational. Of course I'm going to die one day whether I chose to ctb or not; there is no way around that. No one knows for certain if there is an afterlife or not, or what it is like if it exists. It's not something that you will know until you get there yourself, but the uncertainty of not knowing what to expect is driving me crazy.

 

[Meaninglessness]

People have been playing chess with death all their lives. People have done everything they can to survive and avoid the inevitable death. Death awaits us, but we don´t know when. Death can´t be conquered. Most people are in denial of their own death. But when life changes and becomes too painful to live, we want to take away the pain and if the aids of life fail, death can be the only solution. Sooner or later, most people will end up in this situation because of the high life expectancy.

The society makes it hard to obtain reliable and peaceful methods. People are expected to live, not to die. Dying alone without the help of a physician is the hardest thing you can do. No one can help you if something goes wrong. Life is about fear. We are afraid of many things in life and we are afraid of death. Death is a journey into the unknown. Death can be a relief for suffering people, but the death process can be painful and uncertain. We also live in a world where we are expected to die naturally. We live in a society where suicide should be prevented, no matter how much we suffer. Only physician-assisted suicide in the suicide clinics is accepted, strangely enough.

I hope that I won´t stay here much longer. Writing about death will not make it happen. I believe that when life becomes too painful to live, it won´t be hard to die. I also think that meditation well in advance can help. But it is great that a website like Sanctioned Suicide exists in a world where death and suicide are taboo - it is great to be able to communicate with others who are in the same situation.