Venting Intrusive thoughts & Binge Eating

[I Me & Myself]

I hate how having one "bad day" can make me completely spiral into having suicidal ideation. It feels like I'm not even trying, I just stop trying at every minor inconvenience. It's not that I actually want to kill myself (I don't anymore) I just have intrusive thoughts about it and wish I were dead.

At like. Actually minor inconveniences. And then come shitty coping mechanisms like binge eating. Yesterday I ate again until I felt actually nauseas and now my first meal of the day were half a pack of biscuits before I got a grip.

I've been trying to get help I *want* to get help and I want to experience what it's like to actually fully want to live. I want to be at a healthy weight. I think I actually want to live. But my mind tells me otherwise.

I feel like I'm going insane but I've started giving these thoughts names and I feel like they come from different parts inside me. But giving them names just enables this train of thought ...

I'm on the verge of moving away several 100 km and no therapist, no self help group is willing to take me. I tried, I applied. Most asked right away if I would move, some asked a bit later.

I don't even have a fucking apartment yet and I need to have moved by mid october. It's all going awful and instead of actually trying I'm sitting here, binge eating and wishing I were dead. I'm just completely overwhelmed.
Enough fucking rambling I just can't

 

[shampoo sniffer]

I'm a binge eater too.

The best my binge eating ever was was when I was medicated. I used to be on Topiramate which killed my appetite very effectively. Unfortunately that came with other side effects so I had to come off it.

 

[I Me & Myself]

I'm a binge eater too.

The best my binge eating ever was was when I was medicated. I used to be on Topiramate which killed my appetite very effectively. Unfortunately that came with other side effects so I had to come off it.

I will likely start an unrelated medication soon that also has loss of apetite as a side effect. Maybe that will actually benefit me then ...

 

[I Me & Myself]

So I actually somehow managed to find a therapist willing to help me over these last few weeks until I move. This was insanely lucky and only due to an emergency councelling, where she spontaneously offered to do follow up sessions. I called a local Hotline to make an appointment the same day I made the Post.

So far she's been very helpful in getting over all the tasks I need to do to prepare moving. It's also good to have someone be there to push me a little when I fall back on unhealthy eating patterns. She gives me the reassurance I need to push through.

But she's also suggested going into full time medical care again. Either a rehab or a psychiatry, we're unsure.

I can Postpone my studies without losing my spot, and maybe I should until I figure myself out.

 

[sinnamonbun]

Former binge eater. The best thing I ever did was get on medication for it. My doctor prescribed metformin and that made a huge difference and is pretty inexpensive. I'm on zepbound currently and it is the closest you can get to a miracle drug but it has a miracle drug price tag.

 

[I Me & Myself]

I'm currently having a really hard time to restrict myself. I eat only like one plate and I feel full, I feel satiated but I just *keep eating*. I don't even have an appetite (not really) I jsut eat until there's no food left

This constant up and down is driving me insane. I feel nauseas and incredibly full currently but I also really want to eat again. I still have some soup and cookies...