Venting intrusive thoughts about the day of my death

[bluegodism]

to give some context, i believe in the law of assumption. neville goddard, manifestation and etc. i actually disagree about it being a law but here is not the place to discuss that.

the point is: i have a lot of intrusive thoughts about surviving the attempt and i'm afraid of attracting/manifesting them. i definitely DO NOT want to survive. every day is torture. i just want to die ... i probably have ocd but i don't think this situation fits into either type which means i don't even know what to search on the internet to find methods of dealing with this.

i'm just very afraid of failing again.

 

[Mi Mi]

to give some context, i believe in the law of assumption. neville goddard, manifestation and etc. i actually disagree about it being a law but here is not the place to discuss that.

the point is: i have a lot of intrusive thoughts about surviving the attempt and i'm afraid of attracting/manifesting them. i definitely DO NOT want to survive. every day is torture. i just want to die ... i probably have ocd but i don't think this situation fits into either type which means i don't even know what to search on the internet to find methods of dealing with this.

i'm just very afraid of failing again.

I understand to a point
I don't see myself surviving this time
But the fear of it is extremely overwhelming
I wish I had better advice
Unfortunately our brains at times will think what it wants
I suppose that's why many of us are at war
You kinda just have to go for it

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you eventually find freedom from your suffering, a suicide attempt going wrong is also what would terrify me, I find it extremely cruel how people even have to worry about that in the first place and cannot just have the option to painlessly die, I really wish suicide is as straightforward as just choosing to never wake again.

 

[viljalauss]

i don't believe in the law of attraction though now you point it out i may be observing it functionally since i've been having the same thoughts and am irrationally (but powerfully) scared that since i keep thinking i'm going to survive (and having unwanted thoughts of ending up in hospital, and being seen there by other people who have in turn been traumatised from seeing that) it's going to happen.

i don't have any advice, unfortunately. shit's scary. and i don't want to tell you to 'just dismiss' your thoughts because 1) i don't want to play a part in encouraging you, and 2) those thoughts just don't go away like that. all i can say is having those thoughts does not negate the pain you're clearly going through and its severity, or that you fully want to die to be free of it. they are intrusive thoughts, after all, which as far as i understand them reflect fear rather than veiled intent

 

[tvo]

I have been listening to "Feeling is the Secret" by Neville Goddard, to learn to go into the desired state of the wish fulfilled just before falling asleep. I practice getting into this state as often as possible, it did help to calm me down and attract a lot of the items I require to CTB, but I would be lying if I were to say that I am not at all concerned about failure, that's the only thing I dread right now. By the way, I have 3 previously unsuccessful attempts which makes it even more challenging to make another attempt (trauma).

The mind chatter has long been my challenge, I find it to be quite challenging to still my mind around other human beings. It is far much easier to silent the mind and be completely surrendered to the now when I'm alone in nature.

 

[TheLastBoyOnEarth]

As someone who has attempted before when I was 21, I'm also so afraid of failing. I think my life will be much harder for me if I fail. So i'm planning everything very carefully. Hopefully everything works out.

 

[LaughingGoat]

Have you ever practiced positive visualization? I used to work with athletes who found it helped them lessen anxiety and increase confidence in their ability to perform. It has plenty of scientific backing and can be a good way of combatting negative thoughts.