Introduce yourself

[guapogato]

25 and have nothing to look forward to in life. last year was the worst year of my life and this year right after my birthday (same as last year) was a nice little repeat of that. thought I would have CTB by now. the only things keeping me around now are the drive to prepare for CTB, good food, and blowing my savings on that or weed. emotional eating and sleeping is my big steeze, along with playing video games and watching youtube.
born and stuck in the farthest south you can get in the US where plenty of people want me dead already for who I am, which is funny considering how hard it is for people in the US to actually do so without red tape. multiple immune issues that were already proof I shouldn't have lasted this long.
I'm really grateful for finding this place, maybe the singular place in my life that doesn't seem guilt-trippy, or shamed me for wanting what I want. excited to be here actually! now I'm off to eat a cheeseburger.

 

[tired gal]

"Since I was a teenager I've had this overwhelming sense that someday I was going to take myself out. It's an inevitability."

The inevitability of it, right? No matter where I am, it's the shadow lurking just at the edges of my periphery. Thanks for sharing.

 

[jb.fletcher]

My name is Monica, i'm a 21 yo woman from France and I've been suffering of depression since my friend's suicide when i was only a teenager in middle school. I'm still trying to gather the courage to finally ctb

I'm so sorry about your friend Monica

 

[tired gal]

Hi all, I'm tired gal.
32f. Appreciate finding a place that truly respects choice. Whereever life takes me ctb is the ever present final leg of my journey. For as long as I can remember I've known I would ctb. I've described it as inevitable for such a long time, but hearing someone else say the same thing in this thread made me feel so seen.
I have my affairs to sort, but having a rock solid plan fills me with a calm determination.
I head back to my highly censored country next week and hope to be able to reconnect through VPN. If not then my time here will be short and sweet! So thankyou to the creators and mods for protecting this invaluable resource and community.

 

[GuyWhoDiesin2025]

My name is Joe & I'm a 29 year old Gay male who just been dealt horrible cards in life. everyone always thinks that i have a "self hate" issue but that is absolutely not true. i run into A LOT of horrible & stupid people all the time & i hate the place i live at. I ALWAYS have tried making sure I had the best life I could get but my life honestly sucks because all the bad things that happened which i did not ask for but everyone always blames me for it. It angers me. there's a lot of other reasons why too but the major reason is that i hate everyone & want to ditch all of them & leave them behind forever.
dont get me wrong, there's A LOT of people i actually do not hate, but they cant really do anything for me at all. im just done with everything & been done with everything for quite a while.

 

[quins]

Hello all, I'm quins. I'm forty-seven, unmarried--yet still spiritually "pussy-whipped"--, an alcoholic, or better, a sour angrezi alcoholic, and probably one of the few sexual latebloomers of my generation. I don't see my death as being of consequence to anyone. Further, I've alienated *most* people I've known through intentional sabotage (commenting on a once-friend's pubed daughter in jupe-culottes and getting a backhand) which means that suicide itself as the one true self-destructive act is a perfect fit for me. I'm working up a "digital presence", hopefully to try to find some "closure" for my general failures in life. Cheers.

 

[gottacheckout]

Hey all, you can call me mr. COB or just COB for short. 25 official COB points for the first person who can tell me what it stands for. 61m never planned on making this far but somehow it happened and here I am. I'm an animal lover generally preferring them to people. My fur kids are all rescues.

I lost three siblings or step siblings that took their lives, all of them abused alcohol and drugs until it directly killed them. Ironically I was the one diagnosed as suicidal. My dad chose death with dignity and I supported his decision holding him in my arms until he left this world. I also have several extended relatives that ended their lives prematurely. Some by wtf methods, drinking battery acid for one. I won't be doing that one.

 

[SimpleLivingThing]

hopefully im doing this right...

hi! i don't really know what all to say here, but i felt like i should do an intro post before getting into everything else. im 20 years old, i use they/them pronouns, and im studying psychology in uni (the irony is not lost on me). ive been depressed most of my life but ive never really had anywhere to talk authentically about how im feeling, hence why i joined.

beyond mental health stuff, im a huge nerd. i tend to bounce between hyperfixations, but currently im obsessed with doctor who (for the billionth time) and hozier (hence the username).

im a bit nervous because ive never really used forums before and i worry ill accidentally do some faux pas, so please be patient with me as i figure things out!

anyways, i think that's all for now! i can't express how grateful i am for this safe space <3

 

[ashendreams]

uh hiya. not sure what im doing, never even used a forum before lol. 24f autistic trans neet, somehow managed to be a highschool AND college dropout. been suicidal since i learned what suicide was, maybe 6 yrs old. i got multiple personalities or whatever. pathetic worthless losergirl who hurts everyone who comes close to me. i dont really do anything other than play videogames theyre pretty much the only thing that gets me out of bed. aaand thats all i got. hopefully i dont get shy and immediately delete my account here lol

 

[PimpHand]

Hello, I used this forum like three years ago when I was desperate to CtB. I'm now in a very bad situation by at least I'm not planning anything (yet).

My family is a mess. My mom was a bastard child and her family rejected her. My grandma is toxic and abusive. My mom is traumatized and insecure. My biological father is a mf, beat my mom and theatened to kill her. He tried to abduct me but failed. Got beaten hard by police and had to flee the city. He never payed me child support and called me a "faggot" once. Great...

Mom is depressive and tried to kill herself in front of me when I was 12. She has epillepsy due to a bike accident. She also has a fractured leg that hurts when she walks.

I got bullied hard at school, called an "antisocial weirdo" and beaten, threatened, insulted, etc. I decided to be though and cold to defend myself. I hated everybody and became a misantrope.

College was going well until a teacher called me a ret*rd because I was not answering the question correctly. Also COVID came in and remote school wasn't my cup of tea. So I gave up my dream of being a renowed scientist (I was interested in astrophysics).

Got into hard depression, tried to CTB once in my room but failed. Then I tried at college, got rescued by a girl and went to hospital. They wanted to put me into a mental hospital but my mom convinced them to let me go.

At least things now are better. I have my job which is a public job that I acquired through exams. I have some kind of protection so I can't be fired easily. I just do my job and go home. It's just 6 hours a day and I earn kinda well for my country. I can save, buy almost anything I want, give gifts to my mom etc.

Life can be good but I'm still mentally unstable. I just wanted to talk about my traumas without any restrictions.

I like video games, movies, music, books and mangas. I also do programming, DIY, makeup, and I'm trying to learn violin.

I have Italian ancestry, and I could have Italian citizenship but thank to that dipshit PM I can't now. FML. I even bought Italian for Dummies...

I love post-rock, shoegaze, alternative rock and indie, folk shit. Favorite bands are GY!BE, GY!BE and GY!BE. Oh, also Mono, Mogwai, Explosions in the Sky, Evpatoria Project, Swans, ISIS (no, not that kind of explosive...), Chelsea Wolfe, Emma Ruth Rundle, King Crimson, Pink Floyd, Steven Reich...

Favorite games of all time: Chrono Trigger, FFVI, Earthbound, Half-Life, the two Zeldas from N64, Doom, Smash Bros., LISA, Hotline Miami, LIMBO, Portal, Battlefield 2 (oh boy the memories...), Halo (only the Bungie ones)...

Movies: Come and See, Joker, Memento, everything form Kubrick (especially 2001 and Strangelove), Citizen Kane, Dr Calligaris, The Great Dictator, Inception, Dune, Ghost in the Shell, Totoro... Some others I don't remember.

 

[QuinineGuy]

Hi,

So I guess I start here? I'm Quinn. In my 30s. Canadian. I was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer last year. Did a round of chemo. Now starting my second soon. It's been hard on everyone, especially my partner. I'm just here to learn about options and really meet other people like me who don't know how to deal with the fact that life sucks when your internal pipe system is just a cancerous tumour ready to murder you slowly and painfully. Sometimes fast is better...so thats why i'm here.

Stuff I like: Uh, well- before the cancer, gin and tonic... and nice restaurants. Old movies. Anime sometimes...so long as it doesn't suck. I read a lot of shitty horror and fantasy because it rots my brain. I love music. I buy records.

Now, I just move around the house trying not to barf due to meds, and carrying my tumour around my gut.

 

[EquinoxAlchemist]

Hey, I'm Equinox, at least on here. There's not a lot of intersting things to say about me, but I guess I'm here to get help and give help or advice where i can. Don't really have anyone in my life to talk about these topics without being institutionalised, so...

 

[crashingwaves12]

Hi yall, im a 27M whos finally had enough of my bipolar disorder. looking for friends and guides on here

 

[maplefig]

Hello all. I'm Suzy, 22 from the UK. A bit about me is that I sell handmade ceramics for a living. It doesn't garner much lol. I was in university but I failed during in my final year due to poor performance and depressive episodes. I can't bring myself to sit examinations again. I lost my mother to suicide during my time in uni. It's partly why I have no desire to finish my degree. I associate being on campus with a lot of grief. My father has been indifferent to the entirety of it. Really to the entirety of everything about me. I'm not somebody that exits the house a lot so I consider myself to be a homebody. Most of my spare time, outside of my job, consists of playing video games and watching shows. I suffer a lot with shyness, insecurity and social anxiety. It's a tough thing to shake off. It's a part of why I struggled immensely during my degree. I've had ideations for at least a decade; gaining an income as an adult finally gave me more viable means to do it. I thought I'd spend my last months, or perhaps years, saving my cash to take trains to the beach each weekend and eat nice meals.

Other things: I listen to a lot of Million Dead and tricot. I like cats. Rainy days and cold weather are my favourite. I love the feeling of wearing many layers.

I've lurked for a long time. I'm grateful to be here. Hope to make some acquaintances. :)

 

[Monicahere]

I'm so sorry about your friend Monica

Thank you I appreciate it

 

[just a bird]

Hello. I guess I'll go by Bird on here. 19, they/them, BPD with a side of OCD and depression. US. Looking for folks to talk to, guides, anything really.

 

[birdie8]

Hi, my name is Birdie. <3 I hope y'all are doing as good as you can in this moment, I'm lurker turned new member. A little bit about me is I struggle severely with OCD and a chronic health condition. I'm in my 20s and currently in law school. The word that describes me best is tired. Tired of having to push through physical pain daily, tired of my brain mental torturing me with thoughts and delusions, tired of everyone in my community depending on me, tired of not being taken seriously when I ask for help. I hope I can sort through my thoughts here.

 

[tiredash]

did someone left open a bag of bird seed? -.-

 

[darksouls]

welcome you two birds

 

[thebiggestduck17]

hello I'm duck I'm 18 and lonely as hell in real life. my life was somewhat bearbable aside from being made fun of 24/7 until I had a condition and had to get a surgery and its just been downhill from there. though my life always feels like a downhill battle

 

[elpurp]

heyyyy, i'm elpurp/chris. i'm 21, and life was good until i stopped smoking weed and realized how much i hate being single. i've been lurking the site for sometime now, but only decided to start talking recently.

 

[orcapythia]

Hi, I'm 20 and I feel like I have no reason to be on this planet. I'm chronically unwell so it's sometimes hard to be active online. I'm a little anxious but I like communicating with people going through similar stuff. I hope I can post a lot here.

 

[birdie8]

Hello. I guess I'll go by Bird on here. 19, they/them, BPD with a side of OCD and depression. US. Looking for folks to talk to, guides, anything really.

hi fellow bird and ocd haver lol

 

[cousinyapper]

Hi.

I'm Yapper. I'm happy to be here and I hope I can finally feel like I belong somewhere. Somewhere I am "normal" and amongst similar-minded folks who think the same way I do.

 

[_chud_]

I used to use this forum quite a while ago on a different account but my computer broke. I have been suicidal since I was 11, but sometimes this would phase out. But it's becoming much more worse now, and the only thing holding me back are my instincts.

 

[ImnotCTB]

Hi, I like the bus but I'm not gonna get inside it willingly. I am interested in contemplating the meaning of life and the absolute inevitability of death. I joined? visited? whatever... I am here to seek other people's perspective on:

The age old question of the purpose of life. The meaning of death.
How 'hurtful' emotions changes both its meaning and purpose.
Why had evolution resulted to brains that experiences grief which is in my opinion inefficient and causes death to the 'experiencer'.

I try to view things from a '4th person point of view', in which I mean view it beyond the fourth wall like a story in order to be objective. In my opinion it fails more than half of the time and I think only in the 3rd person. So far I find your ideas more enlightening than reading some meaningless books. Just know that your thoughts are tangible and shapes your perspective... Its all a matter of perspectives...
.
.
.
Also I like lightnovels, particularly the fictions on royalroad

 

[ehn20]

Late 20s and have been depressed for most of my life.
95% of the time I just want to be left alone and try to avoid social interaction. When it happens I usually enjoy it though and have a good time. The amount of power I have to put into forcing myself to do it is just too much though. (I'm not even shy or really introvert but I just prefer being alone even though it's probably not good for me.) Even worse, my drive to do anything productive or creative has vanished almost completely since my early 20s. I used to be very creative and have several creative hobbies but the drive to continue being active in those hobbies is just completely gone. I feel empty.
I wish I was different. More like the average happy people you see IRL. But I have come to the realization that I have to accept who I am. This is such a super difficult task though.
Overall my life has been a constant downward spiral. It peaked during my youth and then it just became worse and worse. Is this really what the "great adult life" we longed for when we were younger is? What a dissapointment.

I have read/lurked this forum for a while and for some reason it feels good to know that there are so many people who feel just like me. I read so many posts by people who seem to be just like me so I decided to make an account to join the discussions. My hopes are that this will eventually make me feel less depressed. Knowing that I'm not alone feels relieving.

 

[CloudChaser]

Hey all, you can call me mr. COB or just COB for short. 25 official COB points for the first person who can tell me what it stands for. 61m never planned on making this far but somehow it happened and here I am. I'm an animal lover generally preferring them to people. My fur kids are all rescues.

I lost three siblings or step siblings that took their lives, all of them abused alcohol and drugs until it directly killed them. Ironically I was the one diagnosed as suicidal. My dad chose death with dignity and I supported his decision holding him in my arms until he left this world. I also have several extended relatives that ended their lives prematurely. Some by wtf methods, drinking battery acid for one. I won't be doing that one.

Maybe to obvious, but i try: Close of Business

 

[gottacheckout]

Nope, good guess though. COB = Crazy Old Bastard

 

[repeat.]

hi everyone, i'm a bit late maybe, but i hope this will find the right people.
i'm repeat, 24F. diagnosed with bpd, bipolar disorder, severe ptsd and anxiety and an ed. quite the combo uh?
i've never had the chance to have someone, a friend i could tell all my story to without being pitied and thrown away.
i've always been rejected by everyone. until i found this website. maybe, maybe i'll finally find someone who understands without judging.