Indifference to a good life

[cherripi]

Like the title says. I know I have made an objectively good life for myself, I'm young, my appearance is fine, I have achieved so much, so many opportunities around me, people typically like me when first meeting. And i dont want to seem ungrateful but none of it makes me happy. I'm not proud of myself for any of it. Why was I give such a messed up start? I feel like unhappiness and abuse I had as a child has just affected me for life. I can't help but always have it in the back of my mind. Why did that happen to me? Why can't I have had the start people around me had? Born to loving parents who can provide whatever they want. And why do I have to be so stupid? I mess everything up socially, I have no idea how to talk to people. Nevermind how to make or keep friends. I wish there was a cure for autism or something. But no I just have to suffer all by the hands of things I could never control and its my responsibility to fix it all.
I didn't ask for any of this. The good or bad. I just wish I was never born.