drmihilo
desperate
- Jul 30, 2022
- 90
I am constantly fixated on an idea, which is mostly philosophical in nature. This idea haunts me in every activity (except sleeping), but then I get abruptly frustrated and throw the idea "in the trash", from which I suffer constantly. Seriously, I don't have a day where I "just lived" without any ideas. What do you call that? An incivility? Or is there some scientific term for it....
Here's an example... For example, I get the idea of "infinity" in my head. I research this idea very well, reading books, articles, scrolling through websites and talking to people. It gets to the point where I look for or weave this idea in when I play video games. Basically, literally all the space is taken up by this idea. And then that idea bores me or I just get frustrated in it, finding a better idea or finding a rebuttal for that idea. Then a new idea comes along. And so on in an endless circle. It's like I'm in limbo, in a closed loop. And that's what I suffer from when I start running out of ideas. I feel empty, meaningless, lonely. But with ideas, I have some comfort and strength to go on living.
It seems to me that the only liberation for me is voluntary death. If there is no brain, there is no suffering.....
(I have tried to describe everything in as much detail as possible. Unfortunately, English is not my language. But I have nowhere else to turn)
Here's an example... For example, I get the idea of "infinity" in my head. I research this idea very well, reading books, articles, scrolling through websites and talking to people. It gets to the point where I look for or weave this idea in when I play video games. Basically, literally all the space is taken up by this idea. And then that idea bores me or I just get frustrated in it, finding a better idea or finding a rebuttal for that idea. Then a new idea comes along. And so on in an endless circle. It's like I'm in limbo, in a closed loop. And that's what I suffer from when I start running out of ideas. I feel empty, meaningless, lonely. But with ideas, I have some comfort and strength to go on living.
It seems to me that the only liberation for me is voluntary death. If there is no brain, there is no suffering.....
(I have tried to describe everything in as much detail as possible. Unfortunately, English is not my language. But I have nowhere else to turn)
