Venting Inbetween

[Sn0w_ang3l]

I dont know anymore, do i want to live or stick to my plan to ctb? Ive been suicidal for awhile now, but all of that beings said my ideation has died down a bit. Im kind if like VERY unhinged irl and itd be embarrassing to ctb. And plus, im just very confused. I dont know what to do with my life, should i give it a purpose? A meaning? But what could that be? Itll all get worse, or better, i dont know. I dont want to find out either...

 

[Enlighten]

I dont know anymore, do i want to live or stick to my plan to ctb? Ive been suicidal for awhile now, but all of that beings said my ideation has died down a bit. Im kind if like VERY unhinged irl and itd be embarrassing to ctb. And plus, im just very confused. I dont know what to do with my life, should i give it a purpose? A meaning? But what could that be? Itll all get worse, or better, i dont know. I dont want to find out either...

I'm sorry you're feeling confused. Sometimes life can be difficult and it's no wonder we start doubting life itself. I think it can get better.
I'd love to talk to you to help you with that.

 

[ManByTheRiver]

Confusion is a part of the journy to either route. You'll know what it will be through reflection and contituing on until a path has been revealed clear as day infront of you. You can give your life purpose, but can you actually know if it's the correct purpose if you give it to yourself? Or does a purpose have to land onto your lap, that I can not say.
For not wanting to know if it gets better or worse, I can feel that. Being in a bad place feels like you don't want to move from it, you're frozen by your mind. But I hope you'll find out what you want to do eventually.

 

[jinx <3]

I hate that feeling; you described it very well and I've definitely felt it too. I continue to go back on my choice to live all the time, but I think that this is what I choose when I am in a stable state of mind. Hopefully you find out what your answer is, and I hope you choose to try to live in whatever way you can <3.