in this thread: post your dumbest or funniest non-method ideas

[astonishedturnip]

Eating myself to death with spaghetti like the guy from Se7en. I fuckin love spaghetti.

 

[SomewhatLoved]

Ibuprofen or acetaminophen enema, since so many people seem to try CTBing with OTC meds. Some people boof harder shit as parts of a genuine method.

 

[RadiantNumber]

Step on the landmine and explode

 

[Ariii]

Become chemist (I hate chemistry) and synthetize sodium nitrite

 

[Nobody'sHero]

I would lift weights every single day and night until I was strong enough to throw a baseball across the circumference of the Earth and have it get back to me. I would then go to the tallest local hill and make sure that the ball had a clear pathway. I would then throw it as hard as I possibly could (that is going to be super hard because I'm going to be super- mega ripped at this point) (just absolutely shredded) and wait for it to come back and hit me on the back of the head while smoking a Marlboro red. Peace at last...

 

[trencher]

I'm bored of everyone talking about DMC. I want to see some really stupid method ideas that you know will never work or methods that are so outlandish that it's just funny.

I'm talking methods like going to the Middle East and blaspheming Islam or trying to kill yourself in quicksand because you saw it in a movie. Just devilishly cartoonish methods or just plain dumb - whatever doesn't work.

A long time ago you could simply present yourself like a witch by muttering random gibberish to people and making strange movements then they would just hang you to death and save you all the hard work.

 

[Autumn_Stars]

I have tried a few times with constipation. Tried drinking too much water and threw up. OD on sleeping pills. Think often of homelessness.

 

[MrBigSad]

Just a simple curling fan hanging. But rig the room and set it up so when someone walks in a speaker Blairs "Intruder detected. WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP?! *Plays smash mouth * "

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Just a simple curling fan hanging. But rig the room and set it up so when someone walks in a speaker Blairs "Intruder detected. WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP?! *Plays smash mouth * "

 

[glossble]

Ok, hear me out! So, as a former professional dancer I would love to die during the Dance Plague in 1518, when somewhere around 400 people took to dancing for months. It started with one woman who began to dance fervently and uncontrollably in a street in Strasbourg. Eventually, as many as 400 people joined her and began dancing in the streets at the dancing plague's peak! The chaos continued for some two months, causing people to keel over and perish from heart attacks, strokes, and exhaustion. One account claims that there were upwards of 15 deaths every day when the dancing plague reached its height. In the end, about 100 people may have died thanks to this crazy rave epidemic
(☛⌐▰⦦▰⊹)☛

So please hit me up, if you want to start the new 21st century Dance Plague!!! I'll 100% join you and will jam until I die happily. Because dancing myself to death sounds like a perfect way to go for a passionate dancer like me (~˘▾˘)~✩ ♪♬ lol lol

 

[beeptad]

Hike to the most remote and unsurvivable place possible (idk maybe like a desert) and only take enough food/water to get there. Ez

 

[updog]

idk where it sits on the scale from dumb to stupid, but I sometimes get ideas watching Chubbyemu's videos.

 

[sickoceanbunny]

go to that museum and punch the cursed Annabelle doll

 

[Michi_Violeta]

I would start a cult then go out Jonestown style. Wouldn't have to catch the bus alone, then

Ooooh! Sign me up, I'll write our sacred book and all the slogans and mantras and chants and stupid shit. We take people's money, buy all the N we can afford, and leave the rest to our choice of NGOs.

"The People's Trmple of Sah-Sul-Etal"

 

[Spicy Tteokbokki]

It would be interesting to die by laughing too much from joy.

 

[catfriend]

enter big cat enclosure (snow leopards preferred as per my pfp)
i am become lunch meat
destroyer of big cat hunger

 

[Forveleth]

My first thought was just the 5-year-old level method of holding your breath until you die.

 

[neenie]

I couldn't help but remember dumb ways to die I've seen or experienced first hand: like the time my sister wrapped a blanket around me and just squeezed it extremely tightly around me when she was 3 or 4 (I had mistaken her toy horse for mine mind you ), or the time some woman tried to light a cigarette in the ER waiting room — right next to oxygen devices

 

[MrBigSad]

Not my boy armin

 

[Johnzaga23]

Go fight in a foreign war, like in Ukraine, and die with honour, and possibly save yourself from a bad afterlife. Its not even a bad idea.

 

[DontTouchMeImFamous]

• Be a Muslim woman and have sex before marriage then tell your family that you lost your virginity. God, this is a harsh harsh way to die.
• Be a Muslim and declare apostasy from Islam. Another harsh way to die.
• Go to the Middle East and criticize the dictator president/king of the country publicly.
• Go to the Middle East and claim to be a suicide bomber terrorist.
• Go to Israhell and claim that you are a Palestinian.

 

[Dusk till dawn]

Swallowing shampoo and a bag of salt

 

[Ijustcantanymore]

Re-enacting the sinking of the Titanic on a cruise for suicidal people lol.

 

[Forveleth]

Re-enacting the sinking of the Titanic on a cruise for suicidal people lol.

Luxury cruise but you die in the middle of it? I am buying 20 tickets!

 

[music]

 

[DontTouchMeImFamous]

Go fight in a foreign war, like in Ukraine, and die with honour, and possibly save yourself from a bad afterlife. Its not even a bad idea.

lol ikr? I thought the same when the conflict started but I sided with Russia.

 

[supremacyofdeath]

I would start a cult then go out Jonestown style. Wouldn't have to catch the bus alone, then

And I would join ! You don't have to pitch all the world peace or religious propaganda/the new messiah just tell me we're gonna drink the kool aid and I'll give you my bank information. sign me up!

That or comically slip on a banana peel and hit my head so hard i immediately die.

 

[Chaosire]

This was my main suicidal fantasy for years:
Whilst in a psych ward, tell two hot heads the other hot head said some weird shit, causing them to fight. Or just wait for a fight to happen, as it happens regularly in some wings. Enjoy the carnage until the cops arrive to help the nurses seperate them. Pretend to go in and help if one of them is resisting too much, but reach for their gun instead. Cock it and put it against my temple. Look the cop who you just disarmed right in the eyes, maybe add a cringy one-liner like "Welcome to the psych ward, officer" and pull the trigger.

I've gotten close to actually trying my luck a few times, when cops arrived at the ward, but didn't have the opportunity nor did I have the balls.

And then I got the news from my mom that my ex-gf's brother killed himself.. basically using this method, except he did it at the police station when he got pulled in for questioning. And I can't just be a copy cat, especially not since he was basically family for 5 years.. So i got boring again and bought some rope

 

[Melly]

The Mentos Coca-Cola Method™ I'm working on perfecting it, will make a post about it if I successfully die