Help In relationship while planning suicide?

[broth0100]

Ive kind of asked a similar question b4, but to those of u who r in a relationship, how do u deal w being in a relationship while planning ur suicide? Im trying to balance focusing on my exit with caring for my partner bc i rlly want their memories of our relationship to be nice and they rlly deserve a good partner but its hard to focus or feel connected to anything right now. Is anybody going thru the same thing? I kind of feel guilt for even starting the relationship w them. I didnt rlly kno things would come to this when the relationship began.

 

[Bunnybrains]

don't have any advice but I feel you

 

[Naked Weapon]

I also feel for you. I just look at my partner and start crying these days. I love him, but I wish I loved him enough to be the partner he deserves. All I can say is make the most of your time up until your day comes

 

[broth0100]

I also feel for you. I just look at my partner and start crying these days. I love him, but I wish I loved him enough to be the partner he deserves. All I can say is make the most of your time up until your day comes

Started crying after reading this bc i cry for my partner too wahhhhh..thank u..ill keep showing up for them until i cant anymore

 

[theboy]

I guess leaving a letter saying how much you loved her

 

[_Broken_alice]

There isn't really much you can do. Letter or not, telling them before (extremely risky) or not. No matter how you go about this, they will very likely be devastated.
A well written letter could clear their conscious some, but they will very likely always wonder what they could have done differently to help you to not lead to CTB'ing regardless of what you write. People that aren't suicidal just really can't get it. To people that aren't broken, suicide is unthinkable. And those that do get it will still be hurt, just more understanding of the decision.
Another option to minimize pain may be to end the relationship in advance, but that will cause it's own pain, and still likely will not prevent the devastation when you do CTB once they find out either indirectly, or by you not being there to message back anymore. Even if you have no mutual friends, it will still likely get back to them eventually.
There is really no good way to go about it.
At this point, one must decide which is more unbearable. Hurting their partner(s), or continuing to exist in misery. And that is a very difficult decision one must make for themselves.

 

[broth0100]

There isn't really much you can do. Letter or not, telling them before (extremely risky) or not. No matter how you go about this, they will very likely be devastated.
A well written letter could clear their conscious some, but they will very likely always wonder what they could have done differently to help you to not lead to CTB'ing regardless of what you write. People that aren't suicidal just really can't get it. To people that aren't broken, suicide is unthinkable. And those that do get it will still be hurt, just more understanding of the decision.
Another option to minimize pain may be to end the relationship in advance, but that will cause it's own pain, and still likely will not prevent the devastation when you do CTB once they find out either indirectly, or by you not being there to message back anymore. Even if you have no mutual friends, it will still likely get back to them eventually.
There is really no good way to go about it.
At this point, one must decide which is more unbearable. Hurting their partner(s), or continuing to exist in misery. And that is a very difficult decision one must make for themselves.

Ur right, i'll just have to weigh it all..

 

[voidstar]

I'm in the same situation, I can't really offer any more advice than what you've already gotten. I just wish you strength to make your decision.

 

[broth0100]

I'm in the same situation, I can't really offer any more advice than what you've already gotten. I just wish you strength to make your decision.

thank u so much, i wish u the same

 

[sadcausebad]

My feelings are mixed, I cry over my partner and try really hard to be a good for him. I don't have alot money so can't visit or do much in general because I'm disabled and have a lot of problems. I don't think he actually loves me but I rather not be alone.

I've been saving here and there and plan to transfer as much as I can if or when I can ctb .

 

[fleshgarden]

I don't have advice, but I feel the same way. she's also dealt with being suicidal in the past and is mentally ill. I'm not sure what I do about being suicidal with her. I just accept that I'll die and she'll be sad but I hope she would understand that I'd be happy. and also, in this state, I also can't provide a lot.. I feel always so dissociated and depressed and can't focus on our relationship that much like I want. it's also hard for me to connected to her in any way.. which I feel guilty;ty about, but I learned its a thing other traumatized people have experienced, where they don't experience a lot of connection or feelings in the relationships even though they know they love those people. I know I love her a lot, I just am struggling a lot. also when I really need a motivator, I kind of just delude myself into saying she doesn't care for me one bit.

 

[broth0100]

I don't have advice, but I feel the same way. she's also dealt with being suicidal in the past and is mentally ill. I'm not sure what I do about being suicidal with her. I just accept that I'll die and she'll be sad but I hope she would understand that I'd be happy. and also, in this state, I also can't provide a lot.. I feel always so dissociated and depressed and can't focus on our relationship that much like I want. it's also hard for me to connected to her in any way.. which I feel guilty;ty about, but I learned its a thing other traumatized people have experienced, where they don't experience a lot of connection or feelings in the relationships even though they know they love those people. I know I love her a lot, I just am struggling a lot. also when I really need a motivator, I kind of just delude myself into saying she doesn't care for me one bit.

I struggle w the same thing, sometimes i feel so numb tht its almost like i cant feel my love for them the way i usually do, like i kno tht its there but i just cant feel anything anymore..its painful n makes me feel so guilty..its ok tht u dont have advice thank u for sharing anyway <3

 

[zoebear]

my planning is tearing us apart. when i finally go there's going to be nothing but bitterness left. i have no energy to put out effort or do anything but argue. it just keeps getting worse because any time i mention how bad im struggling and want to ctb, he just pushes harder and calls me dramatic or hysterical. we've had 7 amazing years together but at this point, it's gotten so bad i know he will only remember our last 2 weeks of hell. i hope your final days can be better, happier, but honestly with this state of mind it's hard

 

[bonecollector]

ive been asking myself the same thing. we've been fighting a lot lately because shes upset i wont put in the effort to get better, she knows how pointless my life is so im hoping when i do it she will understand atleast. its good to have something to hang onto though, if something makes you delay or rethink your plans it gives you more time to consider making a big decision.

 

[toxicjester]

I think part of me is just waiting for the relationship to get to its breaking point so that she'll break up with me. I barely offer anything in our relationship and when she needs comfort I can't give it to her and end up getting upset also. She's also talked about having a plan to CTB so it's a really weird situation cause while she knows that I'm suicidal, she doesn't know the extent of it I think. I tend to get scared about doing anything while I'm still in the relationship cause I'm afraid she'll follow suit so it feels like waiting it out is all I can do but it hurts. Of course there's more nuance to it and more things stopping me, but this relationship is a big factor in me wanting to go but also wanting to stay and maybe work things out. It's weird

 

[bored2death]

this is a you decision. if you're unsure, (imo) you shouldnt put that burden on them. i'm not saying what decision you should make, but i dont think you should include your partner in it.

personally, i would break it off with a partner and go my own way, so to speak.

 

[lnlybnny]

it might be egoistical but i don't care at all, idk what or if something's wrong with me in that way. i don't feel the need to justify it to anyone as much as i ''love'' them (even though i believe i only have parasocial loves, it's a complex thing for me)

 

[broth0100]

my planning is tearing us apart. when i finally go there's going to be nothing but bitterness left. i have no energy to put out effort or do anything but argue. it just keeps getting worse because any time i mention how bad im struggling and want to ctb, he just pushes harder and calls me dramatic or hysterical. we've had 7 amazing years together but at this point, it's gotten so bad i know he will only remember our last 2 weeks of hell. i hope your final days can be better, happier, but honestly with this state of mind it's hard

Thank u, im sorry ur partner treats u tht way :(

I think part of me is just waiting for the relationship to get to its breaking point so that she'll break up with me. I barely offer anything in our relationship and when she needs comfort I can't give it to her and end up getting upset also. She's also talked about having a plan to CTB so it's a really weird situation cause while she knows that I'm suicidal, she doesn't know the extent of it I think. I tend to get scared about doing anything while I'm still in the relationship cause I'm afraid she'll follow suit so it feels like waiting it out is all I can do but it hurts. Of course there's more nuance to it and more things stopping me, but this relationship is a big factor in me wanting to go but also wanting to stay and maybe work things out. It's weird

I def get the being afraid tht ur partner will follow suit thing, i have the same fear w my partner :/