Venting In just a few months.... (my personal vent thread)

[Justafewmonths]

My name is "Justafewmonths" because the reason I am still alive is because every time I have had a low part in my life I tell myself in just a few months it gets better.

That's a sack of horse shit and I know it. It never gets better. In a discord server im in a yap in a channel and I talk in there everyday. My little diary. But I can never REALLY say whats going on so im going to be creating this thread so I can vent to myself. Hopefully people will respond with what they think. Positive. Negative. Whatever. Or even if it's just me on here I just need a place for me to put my thoughts.

First I would like to do an introduction. Hi. My name is (jk not doing that) and i am 19m. I live in the grand old USA and i am a college freshman. I am 6'3, average in ever singe way and i wish to cross the other side every single moment of my waking existence. So why am I wishing to ctb? Well...

It all started my freshman year of high school. I was having an amazing time just living my happy little life. But the summer of my freshman year I was a part of this summer program. It had students from middle and high school and I met this girl who had just moved here from another state and she was going into her eighth grade year. And me into my sophomore year. I became friends with her pretty quickly and we really did hit it off. But the thing was I knew another guy who I did not like. He dated middle schoolers and I was not the biggest fan of that. And as a joke I took a selfie of me and this girl and sent it to my friend saying look I am just like this guy and dating middle schoolers. I in fact was not dating her I had no romantic attraction to her because I thought she was too young for me. And that was that until my junior year. That was when I found out that the person I sent that to ended up posting that everywhere. It looked like it was me a junior, saying I was dating in 8th grader. Now this would have just been a small blip in my high school experience but it ended up being way worse. All of my friends stop being friends with me my girlfriend broke up with me and I was viewed as a pedophile. I never reconciled with those friends. Then my senior year came around and a person decided to post that exact same thing but to the entire School snap story. If you don't know what that is that is a story that anybody that goes to your high school can see. I came to school the next day to find everybody looking at me and nobody cared to ask what really happened. I remember a time I was trying to sit down at lunch and these girls were talking very loud about how dare a pedophile sit next to them. I was just trying to eat my lunch. This went on for all of my senior year. I could not talk to anybody I was exiled. If I wanted to talk to somebody then I would have to deal with the glances of them thinking that I was a pedophile. And from then on my life kept on getting worse. I failed all of my classes struggle to go to school out of fear of my own safety I was jumped at one point for being what I was accused of. I got really into self-harm and attempted to ctb multiple times. Because of this I could not go to the college that was near me. I could not go to Community College, due to so many students from my school going there.


I am still recovering from this and struggling. There is so much more I want to say but for now I will leave it at that so I have more to talk about in future responses in this thread. Those things being

1. How I could have ctb'd one day
2. Self harm
3. Eating disorder
4. Romance
5. Struggles with my future
6. College life
7. My addiction to benadryl
8. Csa
9. Guilt
10. Nobody cares

And more. So stay tuned for all of that.

Current protection of leaving my life: January 1st 2026

 

[Justafewmonths]

Next I would like to talk about my love life.

I am struggling lol. I think I am conventionally attractive. I am 6'3, funny, and not wierd. Why cant i find somebody? I havnt dated anybody in person in 2 years, and online in a year. (That's was a girl i met on shedtwt if you know what that is). I am just very bad at talking to girls. I an scared to talk with girls online in fear that I am coming on too strong or they are like "why tf is this guy talking to me please let me alone" but i am trying to be better at that. In person is the same story but worse. I cannot flirt, if I go to a bar where litterally everybody is flirting with eachother I struggle. I am scared that they would be uncomfortable. The mere thought of that breaks me. Ive gotten advice to just be an asshole but I can't break my moral code like that. I cannot risk a girl being uncomfortable. It scares me so much. So I dont even try. And when I do I am SO BAD AT IT!!! I just want somebody. I know i have time but what if I never find anybody? All I need is a girl to talk to. I dont even care about sexual stuff anymore (future post btw) I just want somebody. Online would work. (In person better obv but i will take what I can get) but srsly how am I supposed to find somebody? Dating apps dont work either. Nobody swipes on me. Litterally nobody. I message other people and never get a response. I had tinder premium for a bit and STILL got nobody. I dont think i look too ugly. Maybe I look a bit gay (future post) but that's it lmao. I want my person. Why is it so hard?