This is just sad, I'm in bed at 5:30 pm. I sat around all day practically. I did make it out of the apartment. Contemplated ctb a few times. I know what factors are exacerbating it. One mistake I made was taking some adderall the day before yesterday. Even that tiny bit of 30 mg tablet is enough to leave me paralyzed the following day because that's how fast u develop tolerance and withdrawal. 30 mg ones are really powerful like meth. Basically I was just exhausted yesterday because I didn't take more. Then today I was slightly better but still just like not feeling right. I know I should avoid stimulants because they can really fuck u up but sometimes I really just like to not feel my feelings lol!
Fragile
Broken
- Jul 7, 2019
- 1,496
I feel you, some times passing out on drugs or in your case getting mad insomnia is just better than feeling shitty all the time.
Yes adderall gives me a day's worth of being free from emotional discomfort and I can just not feel for a period of time. The problem is that I only remember the good feelings never the aftermath of the detox and suicidal ideation lol! It's funny how we only remember the good feelings associated with drugs not the bad withdrawal stuff. I only use like not very often because it's so habit forming then it loses effectiveness fast if u keep escalating the dose. So I just use it infrequently now.
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hmm are you prescribed adderall? If so, it may be worth talking to your doctor about switching a long-acting stimulant. I use to take short-acting Methylphenidate. But... always took a massive dose in one go so use to run out Early. Now I take lisdexamphetamine daily. But, as you said... I've built up a tolerance to it now :(
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