Method Gonna CTB this sunday!!! + thoughts on SN protocol

[halcyon]

hi i wish you peace & happiness wherever you go. i really do hope it's better than here. thinking of you<3

 

[Liamm]

I pray you find peace. Hugs. Thoughts you want to share?

 

[Theresnoescape]

I hope you find peace and happiness, good luck.

 

[SocialSoil]

I pray you find peace. Hugs. Thoughts you want to share?

Thank you. About thoughts - I wonder if afterlife exists or not. I hope to visit my best friend after I die. Or become a silly kitten if there's reincarnation.

 

[kat6]

You said " I've done everything and this is not enough to be someone who deserves respect". I'm sorry the people around you made you feel this way.. it was their flaw, not yours. Everyone deserves respect. Just know there's a world of people out there who wouldve respected and valued you just for being you… and a group of random internet strangers here who already do no matter what haha.

 

[ItsyBitsyWeetard]

Hey. I actually think I was just lucky. Meto is a prescribed by doctor drug here, too, but I just went to pharmacy and asked for antiemetic. They gave me meto without any problem. And we are probably in different countries, so I can't really say how to obtain meto for you...
Upd: have almost 13 hours left. I woke up at almost 2 am and wasn't able to get back to sleep... But now I'm alright. Also, I'm used to eating 2-3 times per 3 days, but it's still feels sad. I don't feel need to eat or weakness (last one is a surprise), but growling of stomach doesn't sound good.
Also, I really want to drink tea. Choose hot water instead. And I also finally went to shower, turns out we got hot water here too, so now I'm just happy. Feel a bit nervous.

its ok its normal to feel nervous i wish u the best of luck

 

[maynoname]

I hope you gonna find peace.

 

[xandermax]

I wouldn't worry about serotonin syndrome. Meto is often prescribed with SSRIs with no issues.

Good luck with your journey.

 

[NoPoint280491]

I'm currently sat in church and they're talking about purpose and all it's doing is making me feel worse because I have never felt I could find my purpose nor do I now have the energy to and now I've wasted my life. I just want to die. I have my SN and hope you have a safe journey and hope to join you soon

 

[shame]

I'm currently sat in church and they're talking about purpose and all it's doing is making me feel worse because I have never felt I could find my purpose nor do I now have the energy to and now I've wasted my life. I just want to die. I have my SN and hope you have a safe journey and hope to join you soon

Are you religious?

 

[SocialSoil]

Upd: have 6 hours left. It's really hard to keep my head straight - both psycically and emotionally, I can't sit normal. Laying down doesn't help either. And... I can't even lay down comfortably. Nothing helps. I'm tired. Trying to listen to some ASMR. I'm afraid I won't be able to update much...

 

[maniac116]

I'm sorry that your life has come to this point.
I wouldn't take the venlafaxine. Serotonin syndrome is no joke.
In the end I hope you go to a place of eternal love & peace

 

[finallydone]

sorry to hear that your life brought you to this point
but i can't help but wonder why did you take venlafaxine in the first place ? to combat the anxiety ?

 

[NoPoint280491]

Upd: have 6 hours left. It's really hard to keep my head straight - both psycically and emotionally, I can't sit normal. Laying down doesn't help either. And... I can't even lay down comfortably. Nothing helps. I'm tired. Trying to listen to some ASMR. I'm afraid I won't be able to update much...

Are you religious?

Yes, Christian

 

[nir]

Will your roommate not be around?

 

[shame]

Yes, Christian

Sorry for such stupid question, but don't you afraid of sin?

 

[NoPoint280491]

Sorry for such stupid question, but don't you afraid of sin?

It's not stupid... I am terrified but still in so much pain and hopeless mentally

I believe in God which makes CTB even harder but I've had so many questions for so long like why give me free will... why create me at all just to glorify You? Surely You knew I would make poor decisions and end up hating myself. Why give me the choice to believe in You but to sin so I feel condemned because I can't truly love You if I question everything and no longer see life as a gift. I wish I was atheist as then none of this would matter and I could CTB more freely

 

[SocialSoil]

Will your roommate not be around?

nope, she arrives at october 2nd.

sorry to hear that your life brought you to this point
but i can't help but wonder why did you take venlafaxine in the first place ? to combat the anxiety ?

it's prescribed by my psychiatrist. plus, lamotrigine and mirtazapine. i have recurrend depressive disorder.
p.s. i know it's problematic, but I didn't have serotonin syndrome in the end. plus, I feel like I've been hit with a hammer if I don't take my daily meds.

Upd: I finally gave in and ate three spoonfuls of turkey mashed potatoes. it got better. now i feel weird. at first it was like my neck was stuck and i could only look right to down. i slept and it went away. now it's the same thing, only left to up. when i lay down it stops....

 

[maniac116]

Thank you. About thoughts - I wonder if afterlife exists or not. I hope to visit my best friend after I die. Or become a silly kitten if there's reincarnation.

 

[UsurpedByDepression]

I first undertood I have to ctb when I had been just 11 years old, seriously. This is finally going to happen.

I can relate to this strangely, except I was 8, but I don't know if the correct word is "understood" because it could also be a self-fulfilling prophecy, but yes, depression also gripped me since I was little.

 

[SocialSoil]

Got an hour before. Preparing cups. Thank you everyone

 

[TraumaEscapee:)]

Got an hour before. Preparing cups. Thank you everyone

If you change your mind, my inbox is open for a chat. I was so suicidal my life was awful I have bpd and a genuinely shit life. Things have changed so positively for me. So if you want more time on earth to see if things get better it's a good idea. I haven't used my SN yet. I was terribly sad, thinking I'd lost someone important for ever but guess what? He's probably still going to be in my life. I'll find out this week but it looks that way from what I've been told and his actions. I was terribly sad. Whatever you choose I hope you're happy and are at peace.

 

[Davey40210]

Hope you have a peaceful transition. All the best

 

[nir]

In honour of 2ndme, gonna leave this here just in case. If you change your mind after taking SN, it is not too late, but you need to act fast. Call emergency services in your area, clearly state your location, and tell them you have ingested sodium nitrite and will need to be treated with intravenous methylene blue.
There is no shame in changing your mind, and we will accept you back with open arms.

That being said, regardless of what happens, I hope you find the peace you are looking for. If you go through with the SN, I hope it is a peaceful passing.

 

[CatLvr]

In honour of 2ndme, gonna leave this here just in case. If you change your mind after taking SN, it is not too late, but you need to act fast. Call emergency services in your area, clearly state your location, and tell them you have ingested sodium nitrite and will need to be treated with intravenous methylene blue.
There is no shame in changing your mind, and we will accept you back with open arms.

That being said, regardless of what happens, I hope you find the peace you are looking for. If you go through with the SN, I hope it is a peaceful passing.

Bears repeating.

Whatever happens from this point on, please know you are loved. And supported. My you find the peace and contentment you seek.

 

[abchia]

Have you taken it? I hope you have found peace

 

[Gone soon]

I wish you peace

 

[nir]

I'm assuming you've taken it. I hope it was peaceful. You'll be missed

 

[rollingthunder]

I hope you have found peace

 

[Liamm]

Goodbye. Please be at rest.