holyhorse
Member
- Mar 31, 2024
- 48
Hi,
I finished school a while back. But I still remember the last week before the graduation ceremony, full of rush, stress, and restless nights, as I speedran my year-long Capstone project. Ideally, I want to enroll in a physics program, or in electrical or mechanical engineering. The problem is, I got awful marks in my STEM classes: Chemistry 11 – 52%, Biology 11 – 54%, Pre-Calc 11 – 57%. At least I did relatively well in my physics classes: Physics 11 – 82% and Physics 12 – 73%.
I also failed two classes in my last semester, Pre-Calc 12 and Robotics 12, due to poor attendance (I missed school for weeks). Not to excuse myself, but my poor academic performance and attendance were largely the result of a mental health crisis I experienced a couple of years ago. My OCD symptoms worsened, I was doxxed and blackmailed for standing up for my boundaries, friends left me in painful ways, and my relationships with family members became really strained. I returned to SH and actively researched and planned my suicide. It turned out that OD isn't the most effective way. I got pneumonia as a result of neglecting my health and trying to end my life during extreme cold while being naked (well not completely naked haha). Honestly, I never thought I'd make it this far; I thought I'd die before even finishing school.
I've been suicidal since my pre-teen years and never made plans for the future. I don't think any university would accept a burden like me, and I'm not even talking about a specific program, just a university at all. I don't want to apply to local universities. I'm from a third-world country, but I studied in a private school and earned an internationally recognized diploma.
I really want to study somewhere in Eastern Europe, specifically Hungary, since they offer generous scholarships for international students. I come from a low-income family with five children. Right now, I feel stuck and don't know what to do. I have no one to ask for advice. Currently, I'm looking for a job. Taking a gap year isn't an option; my parents won't approve it anyway, and I want to leave this household asap.
Everyone is pressuring me and asking when or where I'll study. My family, relatives, and others. I can definitely feel that they all have high expectations of me. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have those expectations of myself too. But I can't even think about my future. I still want to die, and I hope that once I get my first paycheck, I'll be able to buy the essential things for my last day.
I don't know where I should go or what I should do next. I don't think I can enroll in a physics or engineering program with grades like mine, and that's not even considering the scholarship issue.
I'd appreciate any advice you can give me. Again, I'm an international student, so I don't know what other options are available to me.
I finished school a while back. But I still remember the last week before the graduation ceremony, full of rush, stress, and restless nights, as I speedran my year-long Capstone project. Ideally, I want to enroll in a physics program, or in electrical or mechanical engineering. The problem is, I got awful marks in my STEM classes: Chemistry 11 – 52%, Biology 11 – 54%, Pre-Calc 11 – 57%. At least I did relatively well in my physics classes: Physics 11 – 82% and Physics 12 – 73%.
I also failed two classes in my last semester, Pre-Calc 12 and Robotics 12, due to poor attendance (I missed school for weeks). Not to excuse myself, but my poor academic performance and attendance were largely the result of a mental health crisis I experienced a couple of years ago. My OCD symptoms worsened, I was doxxed and blackmailed for standing up for my boundaries, friends left me in painful ways, and my relationships with family members became really strained. I returned to SH and actively researched and planned my suicide. It turned out that OD isn't the most effective way. I got pneumonia as a result of neglecting my health and trying to end my life during extreme cold while being naked (well not completely naked haha). Honestly, I never thought I'd make it this far; I thought I'd die before even finishing school.
I've been suicidal since my pre-teen years and never made plans for the future. I don't think any university would accept a burden like me, and I'm not even talking about a specific program, just a university at all. I don't want to apply to local universities. I'm from a third-world country, but I studied in a private school and earned an internationally recognized diploma.
I really want to study somewhere in Eastern Europe, specifically Hungary, since they offer generous scholarships for international students. I come from a low-income family with five children. Right now, I feel stuck and don't know what to do. I have no one to ask for advice. Currently, I'm looking for a job. Taking a gap year isn't an option; my parents won't approve it anyway, and I want to leave this household asap.
Everyone is pressuring me and asking when or where I'll study. My family, relatives, and others. I can definitely feel that they all have high expectations of me. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have those expectations of myself too. But I can't even think about my future. I still want to die, and I hope that once I get my first paycheck, I'll be able to buy the essential things for my last day.
I don't know where I should go or what I should do next. I don't think I can enroll in a physics or engineering program with grades like mine, and that's not even considering the scholarship issue.
I'd appreciate any advice you can give me. Again, I'm an international student, so I don't know what other options are available to me.
