Discussion Impulsive attempts aren’t real

[failureofahuman]

This was just something I realized: I don't think impulsive attempts are real. People don't just have a bad thing happen to them once and then stupidly decide to kill themselves. It took about a year of me being depressed before I first attempted suicide, and I had been thinking about it for months while I was suicidally depressed. I think it's some people have suffered for a while, developed a plan and placed it on a shelf in their heads to turn to whenever they need it, and when some event happens to them, it pushes them over the edge and they enact that shelved plan. And to an outside observer, it may look like an impulsive attempt, but I think it takes months or years of misery before someone seriously starts becoming suicidal.

 

[cloudyskye]

No one can say what's going on in someone else's head for sure but there are many that appear totally impulsive. When someone has a traumatic experience especially if it's a total surprise their knee jerk reaction might be impulse suicide. Things like jumping off a building or jumping in front of a train etc...

 

[conflagration]

I've read an interview with the funeral house owner. He said 30% of suicides are impulsive, e.g. guy is dumped by girlfriend, takes shotgun and blows his head off. 70% are lost battles with long term mental illness.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I think that some attempts are impulsive but only because I feel like having an "impulse" to actually go through a method can help with regards to the fear of SI and the immense challenges required just to die. I don't think that attempts would be impulsive if we all had access to euthanasia but, as of right now, it's understandable that some attempts are impulsive due to the immense odds that we are against

 

[L'absent]

It's like this for you because you're depressed. So you are more likely to plan. Typically a borderline person acts on impulse, but not everyone. Bipolar people have other modalities etc etc... Anti-suicide protections are used precisely for those who act impulsively, the so-called suicidal crises. Against you and many others they are of no use. The planner always gets where he wants.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've thought about this too. As in- does someone commit after only thinking about suicide a handful of times? I find that hard to believe. I expect an attempt itself can be impulsive but I kind of doubt the thoughts and emotions that got them in that state are very new.

Maybe there are exceptions though. I can imagine something devastating happening in life plummeting someone into depression and ideation, which they could act on rapidly to get out of the pain.

I just think people like to say it's impulsive because they don't like to think there were signs of how badly they were struggling which they either missed or ignored. It's a bit like when you read in obituaries that everyone is so shocked. Then, that they had been suffering with depression and ideation for a long time and yet- apparently, it still came completely 'out of the blue'.

 

[AnonymousTomato]

Depends on what you mean by "impulsive," I guess.

There's impulsive in both suddenness and act. Eg, someone gets dumped, and shoots themselves. They could've been totally fine prior to that and then without much thought they attempt or complete suicide. This one is totally impulsive according to both outside observers and the person attempting the act.

Then there's just suddenness of act, eg, someone who's been depressed for a while suddenly attempts suicide after some event which finally drives them to act, but they've had suicidal ideation for a while. This one might appear impulsive to outside observers, but isn't super impulsive to the person attempting. This was me when I had my first attempt. I'd had ideation daily for months. I'd not only wonder what would happen if I rode my bike out into traffic, I'd have to fight the impulse to do so. But when I finally attempted it was not well thought out, and I made the decision in a single night. I tried a method that had, I'd heard, killed a friend. And it didn't work for me. I was completely ignorant to how difficult it is to actually succeed, especially with methods where instinct has a chance to kick in. My attempt and my depression weren't less "real" for that fact; I just didn't know what to do with what resources I had on hand, essentially.

It's hard to say what's "real." There are certainly people who intentionally don't act with severity enough for it to be fatal. And there are people who fail because they don't realize how much planning this actually takes.

I know the cynical part of my brain, this time around, thinks people who commit suicide suddenly because they feel they'll never get a date or something are really silly, for lack of a better term. Like, the kind where they genuinely haven't been struggling for months, and the reason is kinda shallow (I see this a lot with like, 18-23 year olds and I'm just thinking, do you even know how young you are and what a weird snap judgment that is???). But mostly I try to keep an open mind. I never really know what people are truly going through.

 

[chaosdrifter]

This was just something I realized: I don't think impulsive attempts are real. People don't just have a bad thing happen to them once and then stupidly decide to kill themselves. It took about a year of me being depressed before I first attempted suicide, and I had been thinking about it for months while I was suicidally depressed. I think it's some people have suffered for a while, developed a plan and placed it on a shelf in their heads to turn to whenever they need it, and when some event happens to them, it pushes them over the edge and they enact that shelved plan. And to an outside observer, it may look like an impulsive attempt, but I think it takes months or years of misery before someone seriously starts becoming suicidal.

Sorry, but this feels super invalidating to read. I've had lots of impulsive suicide attempts. Of course, i've had a history before that and I wasn't happy for my whole life just to out of the sudden try to kill myself. I do have suicidal thoughts etc even when i'm not in a highly emotional situation, but still I have strong urges to kill myself when i feel threatened or in high distress (for example when one of my friends told me, he crushes on my other friend, not even a minute later I tried to kill myself without having a developed plan).

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

Depends. If you are easily overwhelmed, the 'slightest' thing can push you over the edge. Now that doesn't mean you're 'impulsive', merely overwhelmed by stress. So, to an outsider it may look like 'nothing', because they aren't the type to get easily stressed over several situations going on in their life, but for the person attempting suicide, this is why it appears the 'slightest' thing can push them over the edge. If you break it down properly, you'd see it isn't a slight thing (just look at their awful traumatic experiences and you'd see).

Borderline is chucked around far too much on this website, and in life in general, but just because someone has a history of (apparently) impulsive suicide attempts, it doesn't mean they have Borderline. Borderline is merely a trauma response (in the UK there is talk of scraping it completely because it is not a personality disorder - it is trauma). I have met far too many young women with this diagnosis which is ridiculous, all of which have had a traumatic childhood and continued to be abused into adulthood, because of their childhood.

In my opinion, no attempt is as impulsive as it appears. Again, look at that person's history. Usually a history of abuse and the way they survived was to block it all out, and as they get older, it begins to resurface, hence small things (to others) push them over the edge = trauma response. They don't feel able to deal with it, so the natural response is to try and kill themselves due to the already extreme internal pain they experience on a daily basis.

I wish people would understand this better, especially doctors.

 

[failureofahuman]

Sorry, but this feels super invalidating to read. I've had lots of impulsive suicide attempts. Of course, i've had a history before that and I wasn't happy for my whole life just to out of the sudden try to kill myself. I do have suicidal thoughts etc even when i'm not in a highly emotional situation, but still I have strong urges to kill myself when i feel threatened or in high distress (for example when one of my friends told me, he crushes on my other friend, not even a minute later I tried to kill myself without having a developed plan).

I mean impulsive attempts in the way that "pro-lifers" define them, like something bad happens to a completely normal person and it makes them attempt suicide abruptly. It wasn't my intention to invalidate, to the contrary, my point was that people DON'T kill themselves on a complete whim for no reason over small, stupid, easily resolvable issues, i.e. the issues that led you to want to kill yourself are valid and important. I've also had attempts that some would consider impulsive, but I'm making a difference between impulsive (the way some ignorant people think about it) meaning completely out of the blue for a dumb reason (not real), and impulsive as doing it on a date you didn't plan for it but with a significant past history of suicidal ideation (this is real and I've done it before)

 

[chaosdrifter]

Ahh, I see now, that makes so much sense! Thanks for clarifying and sharing your background—I really resonate with that!
Also, I can see, that someone with severe, suppressed trauma (and their surrounding) didn't realize their burden and then they get triggered, leading to a suicide (attempt) and afterwards it might be too late for them to uncover their background and the underlying issues that led to the suicide.

 

[saultissad]

This was just something I realized: I don't think impulsive attempts are real. People don't just have a bad thing happen to them once and then stupidly decide to kill themselves. It took about a year of me being depressed before I first attempted suicide, and I had been thinking about it for months while I was suicidally depressed. I think it's some people have suffered for a while, developed a plan and placed it on a shelf in their heads to turn to whenever they need it, and when some event happens to them, it pushes them over the edge and they enact that shelved plan. And to an outside observer, it may look like an impulsive attempt, but I think it takes months or years of misery before someone seriously starts becoming suicidal.

What do you mean by "real"? An attempt is an attempt. Maybe you feel like your life sucks more than theirs does, but what does that matter? The way you write this, it almost sounds like you don't think impulsive suicidals deserve death

 

[failureofahuman]

What do you mean by "real"? An attempt is an attempt. Maybe you feel like your life sucks more than theirs does, but what does that matter? The way you write this, it almost sounds like you don't think impulsive suicidals deserve death

Read the response I made to chaosdrifter's comment, I clarified a bit, the point I'm making is basically people don't kill themselves for stupid reasons

 

[depthss]

the attempts that i have made have all been impulsive. i do think about suicide all the time, so maybe you wouldnt classify it as fully impulsive, but i hate planning and working out a date, so i would probably never actually set a fixed date for myself, just wait for the right emotions to push me

 

[chaosdrifter]

What do you mean by "real"? An attempt is an attempt. Maybe you feel like your life sucks more than theirs does, but what does that matter? The way you write this, it almost sounds like you don't think impulsive suicidals deser

I feel the emotions I read in your post so deeply. I carry immense shame around my impulsive suicide attempts—feeling like a failure for trying in desperate ways that afterwards seem so stupid and hopeless. On top of that, I'm painfully aware of how they're often perceived as 'theatrical' or attention-seeking and as if they reflect less suffering than thoroughly planned attempts.

 

[dontwakemeup]

Reading your thread feels the same as when people say, " If they really wanted to die, they would have!"

Don't try to measure your ideation to someone else's. Everyone situation is different. Who are you to measure the appropriate time when someone should attempt to make it become real or not?

I will say this. I think the impulsive attempter is probably not successful because they lack the time to search a more efficient plan, they quickly have the desire for the pain to end immediately. The impulsive attempter (myself) has believed in that "moment" their plan will be effective.

I'm an impulsive attempter. I could never imagine planning a date and waiting. I've had several attempts and I promise you, I wake up alive mad each time. Even my 1st attempt, there wasn't the internet and resources available for me to read. I've never done an attempt for attention. I risk more in my personal life if I wake up alive. So yes, every impulsive attempt has been the real deal, I don't bluff. But I always lack the knowledge to know if my plan will work in my methods.

Hope that helps you understand.

 

[LostLily]

During my impulsive attempt/ i genuinely wanted to die and was upset to fail. If I had the knowledge and planning back then, I would have succeeded.