i have set my date (second week in march, spring break). i just have some minor things to sort out - do my one last thing (
), do a test run of the method, and then handwrite my typed will, factory reset my phone, and travel to execute the method. pun intended aha ha. i chuckle. you chuckle. we all chuckle.
i could die tomorrow and yet i must wait a month. what a drag.
most likely regardless of the answers i get i will probably do nothing. i will go out with a silent whimper the way i came. but i am curious as to others' view.
fast for seven days. i've done five (before my first atetmpt - i actually ended up wanting to delay suicide due to how possible and hopeful i felt) and six days (trying to beat my previous record for the hell of it) before. i want to beat my previous record (being six days) before i die, to prove to myself i'm not a total pansy. this would be with supplements / vitamins like salt, potassium, magnesium, vitamin B etc.
stay in ketosis for two weeks, checked with ketone strips. same concept as above. for me it's easier not to eat at all than to limit carbs. even if i try to eat healthy...fruut. rawr. this has the advantage of lesser possibility to get interference due to questions from family or or accidents at work. but also is extremely low chance of actually happening. longest i've ever done was maybe two days and by day two i was eating entire frozen bags of string beans at the sink standing up in a vain attempt at flailing around and eventually beeping the carby brain buttons.)
compile all my lunatic ravings into a document that i shall send a select few musicians i know (acquaintances and family members) who may incorporate it into their music or somehow draw inspiratioin or at the very least amusement and distraction from it. this one involvnig others will take the most energy and has the most risk for interference because knowing me i will do something to fuck up the timing or the technology. but it also is m y last opportunity to share my writing with the world. multiple people in my life have told me to publish. but it takes so much fucking energy. im exhausted. i figured they might be able to put my emo lyrics and cringe poetry to better use than my soon to be defunct hard drive or whatever the fuck stores documetns idk technology okau.
i had thought of aiming for a lifting pr but ive not worked out in ages and anyhow havent' the time to build up like that before i go. these must be short term accomplishments since obviously i am unfit more longer ones such as living.
if you have any other better ideas feel free to share.
fast for seven days. i've done five (before my first atetmpt - i actually ended up wanting to delay suicide due to how possible and hopeful i felt) and six days (trying to beat my previous record for the hell of it) before. i want to beat my previous record (being six days) before i die, to prove to myself i'm not a total pansy. this would be with supplements / vitamins like salt, potassium, magnesium, vitamin B etc.
stay in ketosis for two weeks, checked with ketone strips. same concept as above. for me it's easier not to eat at all than to limit carbs. even if i try to eat healthy...fruut. rawr. this has the advantage of lesser possibility to get interference due to questions from family or or accidents at work. but also is extremely low chance of actually happening. longest i've ever done was maybe two days and by day two i was eating entire frozen bags of string beans at the sink standing up in a vain attempt at flailing around and eventually beeping the carby brain buttons.)
compile all my lunatic ravings into a document that i shall send a select few musicians i know (acquaintances and family members) who may incorporate it into their music or somehow draw inspiratioin or at the very least amusement and distraction from it. this one involvnig others will take the most energy and has the most risk for interference because knowing me i will do something to fuck up the timing or the technology. but it also is m y last opportunity to share my writing with the world. multiple people in my life have told me to publish. but it takes so much fucking energy. im exhausted. i figured they might be able to put my emo lyrics and cringe poetry to better use than my soon to be defunct hard drive or whatever the fuck stores documetns idk technology okau.
i had thought of aiming for a lifting pr but ive not worked out in ages and anyhow havent' the time to build up like that before i go. these must be short term accomplishments since obviously i am unfit more longer ones such as living.
if you have any other better ideas feel free to share.
i could die tomorrow and yet i must wait a month. what a drag.
