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awfullife

awfullife

Arcanist
Nov 16, 2019
435
I have a couple of friends that are really looking after me and care deeply about my situation but I get the feeling that I'm exhausting to them.

If I put myself in their shoes, I would be exhausting.

It's hard because they want to help and they see the future as bright for me, but they dont know the painful reality that awaits..

I feel like they know it's almost showtime for CTB and I havent said shit to them and no previous attempts.

Do you guys ever get the feeling that we pull down ourselves and everyone else? No wonder we want to get the fuck out of here!
 
Kramer

Kramer

Nervous wreck
Oct 27, 2020
1,399
Yes. I could partially see a brighter future today. I met a mechanic and we talked all day. I haven't talked to anyone like that in a very long time. He told me of some problems he had as he was working on my car. I thought those are almost a disability. I guess I'm not so alone. I always view others as normal and myself as broken.
 
Coffeandamug

Coffeandamug

Words are quite useless, and so am I.
Oct 22, 2020
109
I lost a friend because of this. Some of my friends understand, but this one just coudn't handle my suffering and what it had done to my life. I really enjoyed talking to him, but I am in such a dire situation that I just don't miss him at all. Lately I rarely talk to anyone at all. It is exhausting to my family, but I don't think it's my falt that l am this depressed failure. I've tried everything I could not to be in this position, I did my best, and I am here nonetheless.
 
Coffeandamug

Coffeandamug

Words are quite useless, and so am I.
Oct 22, 2020
109
Yes. I could partially see a brighter future today. I met a mechanic and we talked all day. I haven't talked to anyone like that in a very long time. He told me of some problems he had as he was working on my car. I thought those are almost a disability. I guess I'm not so alone. I always view others as normal and myself as broken.
One of the things that I like about SS is that I don't feel so alone in how broken I am. But I am happy for any small glimpse of a bright future you might hav encountered. I don't see any hope for me, meds might work but the daily torture is so, so horrible. I don't think i'll make it to the psychiatrist... besides there's little chance the medication will work as they are really just crutches. I am a complete social failure in many regards and no medication can change that.
 
Kramer

Kramer

Nervous wreck
Oct 27, 2020
1,399
One of the things that I like about SS is that I don't feel so alone in how broken I am. But I am happy for any small glimpse of a bright future you might hav encountered. I don't see any hope for me, meds might work but the daily torture is so, so horrible. I don't think i'll make it to the psychiatrist... besides there's little chance the medication will work as they are really just crutches. I am a complete social failure in many regards and no medication can change that.
I can't make a friend or get a gf despite people seeming to like me initially.
 
MindFrog

MindFrog

:Professional Hypocrite:
Nov 19, 2020
721
Emotional labor can be really tiring, what more if you dont have training from this things. I can sense the frustration to those i've talked to because of how long i'm been down. They just want me to snap out of it already and be "normal". I wish i can too really. This is why i've never talk to almost all of my friends anymore. I dont want to burden them with my sickness. Best fix this alone.
 
Superdeterminist

Superdeterminist

Enlightened
Apr 5, 2020
1,783
I don't really think about how tiring I might be to others, and I don't care. All I know is I'm not having a good time in life and I'm not going to keep that a secret just for anyone's convenience. Well, I do often avoid talking about it, but that's only on pain of them not understanding. I'll not be made to feel guilty for recognising that there are real problems in life worth being upset about.
 
BlackCatTalk

BlackCatTalk

StrayCat
Apr 28, 2019
198
oh geez! I have always considered myself a normie, I can pretend very well, I have even talked with my students about how beautiful life is, obviously always lying to not give clues but I have my own expiration date and also inside I am a damn black hole. .. maybe it is hypocrisy but I think that even the most normie can turn into a great storm
 
Lupgevif

Lupgevif

.
Jul 23, 2020
929
I don't think I am tiring to other people. They'll either laugh to my suicide threats as if it was a self-deprecating joke or just ignore it.
 
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Ghost2211

Archangel
Jan 20, 2020
6,024
I think that we do become tiring to them when they keep trying to make suggestions for life to get better, but we can only really see our paths ahead. I can be quite good at being social and blending in with the others, so most people don't know what's going on and I'm sure they don't wanna hear about it anyway.
 
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Coffeandamug

Coffeandamug

Words are quite useless, and so am I.
Oct 22, 2020
109
I can't make a friend or get a gf despite people seeming to like me initially.
I'm lucky to have friends that I can be honest with. even if some of them don't feel the angst that I feel they are very open minded about it. They are also cool with my suicide, they are generally pro-choice. The problem is that I feel so depressed that even when I know spending time with them will be good, depression, or whatever I am feeling... or the lack of what I am feeling... idk...it just seems to kill everything. It kills any motivation I would have to see or talk to them. I also can't get a boyfriend, and It hurts a lot. Some people tell me that I shouldn't suffer cause I'm single but man... it just hurts so much.
 
NodusTollens

NodusTollens

Nov 17, 2020
989
I have a couple of friends that are really looking after me and care deeply about my situation but I get the feeling that I'm exhausting to them.

If I put myself in their shoes, I would be exhausting.

It's hard because they want to help and they see the future as bright for me, but they dont know the painful reality that awaits..

I feel like they know it's almost showtime for CTB and I havent said shit to them and no previous attempts.

Do you guys ever get the feeling that we pull down ourselves and everyone else? No wonder we want to get the fuck out of here!
You know, a similar thought has been in mind recently, even down to a friend randomly messaging me out of the blue & showing up at my place to cheer me up. Do they know? Can they sense the descent? :notsure:

I feel bad. I know as friends we "sign up" to help, but I can't but be painfully aware just how much "work," that entails (whether physical or emotional). It's for this reason that I isolate. I don't want anyone to worry or fuss over me.
 
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daddy Phil :)

daddy Phil :)

Member
Oct 21, 2020
52
Everytime I say something about my problems I look at the faces my friends make and I can only see how helpless and sad they are, Like they want to help me sooo bad but they all know they just can't. It makes me feel like what I am doing is wrong and that I just have to keep all my problems to myself.
 
C

chicken neck

Member
Dec 3, 2020
58
Yeah I either push everyone away or I just don't bring it up anymore to those who still want to talk to me. I won't tell anyone I'm going to CTB either when I'm just about to do it
 

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