i'm worried that i actually want to live.

[toms_space_station]

i know that there are good things in life we can experience that are not impossible to achieve.
but i have been getting desperate lately to drink sn, the only thing holding me back is not having enough money for a room to myself.
i don't know if i am going to snap one day and do it out of impulse. it feels like this day will sneak up on me.
the reality of us all who have depression and anxiety is that we are going to have to work extra hard - endlessly - (nearly) every single fucking day just to survive.
if i choose life, it seems like i will be back right here at square one, hopelessly stuck in this vicious cycle.

 

[Mebius]

Either options are valid

 

[img-phenix]

I've kinda experienced this, its very much like a cycle where one day is unbearable and the next you have the fleeting hope that maybe, maybe things will finally improve, very much a vicious cycle indeed

 

[aslank98]

I relate a lot, stuck between a cycle of wanting to die then wanting to survive another day. So tiring and annoying.