Venting I'm worried about killing myself because I want to find love first

[attheendofthenight_]

Its honestly so embarrassing. I'm so desperate for somebody to want me and love me. I don't want to live anymore, I'm too sick of life but I want to have boyfriend before I die. Its so stupid. I'm so jealous of my best friend who has a boyfriend. Nobody has ever really liked me and I've only been in a relationship once (which lasted 2 months). I just want somebody to want my existence. I'm worried that if I kill myself, I'll never get to know what I couldve had if I stayed alive.

 

[yearned]

i wish i had something more insightful to say, but i don't think relationships are necessary. culture often stresses the importance of dating, to everybody's detriment. i think a good way to meet people though is to take part in activities related to your interests, that way you might meet someone who you have stuff in common with. i have never been successfully seductive personally. the people i have dated have chosen to date me for different reasons. being yourself helps.

 

[attheendofthenight_]

i wish i had something more insightful to say, but i don't think relationships are necessary. culture often stresses the importance of dating, to everybody's detriment. i think a good way to meet people though is to take part in activities related to your interests, that way you might meet someone who you have stuff in common with. i have never been successfully seductive personally. the people i have dated have chosen to date me for different reasons. being yourself helps.

I appreciate the insight, really. I don't even know if I want a relationship to be honest, I think I just want somebody to want me here. And like if somebody did, would I still feel like this? Yk? Idek what I'm saying tbh. Thank you though.

 

[Front Back]

Yeah, I hope to love someone truly. I've partially gave up at this point.

 

[MyMomWasMyLife]

That's a great reason to not hurt yourself, especially if you are still young. There's someone out there for everyone, and if you're still young, you have lots of time to find one or more of them. I really hope you continue to actively seek out someone special and not hurt yourself.

 

[cyanidekitty]

its not stupid or embarrassing at all to want someone to truly love you. if anything i feel like most if not everyone has atleast once wanted a relationship(before they came asexual or just uninterested in relationships that is)

i hope you are able to & if so i hope that person will change your mind on how u view life/wanting to end it.

and honestly, dont be entirely jealous of ur bestfriend
relationships really go to shit sometimes & it takes a lot to actually want to pull back out of that place.

 

[KawasakiNinjaZXRR]

And like if somebody did, would I still feel like this? Yk? Idek what I'm saying tbh. Thank you though.

My sister says that love can distract us from the suicidal ideas. It sounds corny but it does give me hope from time to time, maybe it gives you hope too.

Sometimes i want to find someone to love to see if it distracts me from the negative thoughts. I also want to experiment love at least once before killing myself, to really experiment the whole human experience.

Some days I feel like I'm ready to love someone but then i think about how cruel it would be to make someone fall in love with me just to end up killing myself and traumatizing them. I don't know if you've felt like that too.

 

[eggsausagerice]

I don't even know if I want a relationship to be honest, I think I just want somebody to want me here. And like if somebody did, would I still feel like this?

My sister says that love can distract us from the suicidal ideas. It sounds corny but it does give me hope from time to time, maybe it gives you hope too.

Sometimes i want to find someone to love to see if it distracts me from the negative thoughts. I also want to experiment love at least once before killing myself, to really experiment the whole human experience.

i don't think most suicidal people are ready for relationships if they're actively suicidal, myself included. not because of their depression or because they don't deserve it, but because of how easy it is to want to kill yourself even more if the relationship ends or to rely on the person you're in a relationship with to feel good about yourself or as your main support system. i have no one i trust in my life so i can't actually date someone, because i would want to spend all my time with the person i'm dating and get anxious and depressed when i can't be around them or talk to them. it's a very bad cycle i get into and can't get out of unless i end the relationship. i figure most suicidal people also have abandonment issues or attachment issues. it's so easy to be afraid that you aren't enough that you can try to self sabotage and end the relationship so you don't feel happy anymore.

and if you have a lot of mental turmoil going on or life problems, your partner might be overwhelmed by it. and even if everything goes well and you have a loving and stable relationship, you still might kill yourself and mess them up emotionally because they wanted you to be in their life. if you form a relationship on the basis that if you date someone you might be less suicidal, then the suicidal thoughts will still be there even if you love someone. even if there are success stories, being suicidal can still hurt a friend or partner a lot because they feel like they weren't able to do enough or couldn't stop it.

 

[bruised_reed]

I'm at a point in life where I vehemently disagree with the saying "It's better to have loved and lost than to have ever loved at all."

I so desperately wish I had never loved because there is a very real risk of loss.

I lost my husband and my children. I can't bear existing anymore.