I'm using this forum to NOT kill myself

[whatevs]

Is that OK? I feel like talking about it with other desperate individuals and seeing the process and aftermath of suicide is helping me to hold it together, for now.

Or perhaps I'm just kidding myself and using the forum actually means I am on my way to do it in months or years.

 

[Toxic Positivity]

I think I am using it the same way lately. As a place to explore this thing that can't be spoken of in polite company without becoming persona non grata.

 

[edu0z]

Is that OK? I feel like talking about it with other desperate individuals and seeing the process and aftermath of suicide is helping me to hold it together, for now.

Or perhaps I'm just kidding myself and using the forum actually means I am in my way to do it in months or years.

This forum helps us all in one way or another. but I think that's just the beginning, you must create in your own life more solid bases that allow you to stay alive.

If you keep depending on the forum and the company for a long time, I'm afraid sooner or later you will feel even worse. Because many people will eventually recover, and you will feel that you remain the same.

 

[SofterSoftest]

On days when I feel slightly better, I tell myself I'm on this forum to have an 'outlet' - seeing other people talk openly about CTB allows me to feel less like I'm suffocating. On my bad days, which have been getting worse since coming here (not *because* of this site, to be clear), I feel like I'm getting closer and closer to CTB. I also worry about posting too much because while I'm totally okay with myself CTB, I worry about the impact of my words on people who haven't yet made up their minds and are looking for hope.

 

[Midgardsorm]

I'm doing very much the same.

I would be useless now since I lost my job.

 

[Buddha.e.c]

wow this really has me thinking

 

[AnestheticVoid]

Idk about this I can see it both ways.

 

[Buddha.e.c]

Idk about this I can see it both ways.

it very well could be but its a outlet to express yourself , In a way connect with people who struggle too but when you are in pain its hard to just live day by day

 

[settheory]

You're welcome! That's why we have the recover and offtopic sections.

 

[Sakura94]

I think I do the same thing. I also try to reassure people not to kill themselves but it's ok to discuss it.

 

[motel rooms]

You're welcome! That's why we have the recover and offtopic sections.

The Recovery section used to make me want to ctb even more.

 

[Pluto]

The forum can definitely have a place in a recovery. Uncensored discussion, facing the stark reality of death and receiving the validation of not being alone in one's darkest moments.

The negative side; the normalisation of CTB, the immersion in gloom and the desensitisation to death, is something to be mindful of and keep a distance as needed.

 

[whatevs]

The forum can definitely have a place in a recovery. Uncensored discussion, facing the stark reality of death and receiving the validation of not being alone in one's darkest moments.

The negative side; the normalisation of CTB, the immersion in gloom and the desensitisation to death, is something to be mindful of and keep a distance as needed.

Thing is, I already was well stepped into the three events you list in the second paragraph in my teenage years. A fascination and acceptance of suicide has always been part of me.

But it's true that you aren't prepared to see people exiting in real time. I was quite shaken when interacting with someone in a goodbye thread.

For me the main thing has always been the dignity and supreme autonomous gesture behind choosing when to die, since you don't get to choose IF you are going to die. Contrary to the normie's conception of the matter, it's very indicative of the departure from the animal kingdom to do so, i.e. respectable, civilized, etc. It is a quintaessential human act.

Of course, we lament those that did it when young and perhaps able to turn their lives around, but if you aren't free to manage your existence (with the advice of well meaning people) then you aren't free.

 

[Marktheghost]

Yes that's OK. How would it work though? Are you using it for support or what?

 

[whatevs]

Yes that's OK. How would it work though? Are you using it for support or what?

I said it in the opening thread. Talking about my suicidal ideation + feeling it become a real act for other people seems to help me to really understand suicide. For now, this means I know I don't want to CTB.

 

[Ashu]

But it's true that you aren't prepared to see people exiting in real time. I was quite shaken when interacting with someone in a goodbye thread.

Me too, the first time. Shaken and moved.

Your whole reply is perfectly said.

 

[...]

agree with op. i come here when i'm most suicidal to relieve the pain, and stay away when i'm least suicidal.

 

[Sherri]

Same as me, I came here to ctb in 2020, have all I needed to do it. I'm still here, my therapy and this forum and all you guys help me tremendously.

 

[Judah]

I came here, almost at the same time as @Sherri , in a rather ramdoim way, I remember that the first days I thought that the forum had been created by some group of health professionals or something, or that the site was some kind of cult, this Last idea was what I wanted to sell that report for which I met the forum, (sincerely I was a little scared when registering). Now I see the forum as a kind of quiet square free of all toxicity and where I can vent or let go of my thoughts, I'm still not sure when I'll do CTB

 

[Sherri]

I came here, almost at the same time as @Sherri , in a rather ramdoim way, I remember that the first days I thought that the forum had been created by some group of health professionals or something, or that the site was some kind of cult, this Last idea was what I wanted to sell that report for which I met the forum, (sincerely I was a little scared when registering). Now I see the forum as a kind of quiet square free of all toxicity and where I can vent or let go of my thoughts, I'm still not sure when I'll do CTB

This is my online family, we are all in this together. Always feel better when I come here.

 

[motel rooms]

The negative side; the normalisation of CTB,

If I'm not mistaken, to normalize something means to treat it as normal & acceptable when it is in fact not. Suicide can't be treated as necessarily abnormal & unacceptable on a pro-choice forum...

 

[dreadpirateroberts69]

If I'm not mistaken, to normalize something means to treat it as normal & acceptable when it is in fact not. Suicide can't be treated as necessarily abnormal & unacceptable on a pro-choice forum...

Precisely. Suicide SHOULD be normalized. This is exactly what I was talking about in the thread I just posted

 

[whatevs]

Precisely. Suicide SHOULD be normalized. This is exactly what I was talking about in the thread I just posted

Yes, suicide when decided judiciously is an act of freedom and dignity. Confused teenagers and temporally disturbed individuals are another thing.

 

[dreadpirateroberts69]

Yes, suicide when decided judiciously is an act of freedom and dignity. Confused teenagers and temporally disturbed individuals are another thing.

Absolutely. I read a story of an 18 year old who shot herself under the chin, survived, and then claimed to have never had a suicidal thought beforehand. It is for good reasons that minors are not allowed on this forum. (I realize 18 is not minor, but on the cusp nonetheless and a lot of other stories of teenage suicide attempt survivors are similar)

 

[Pluto]

If I'm not mistaken, to normalize something means to treat it as normal & acceptable when it is in fact not. Suicide can't be treated as necessarily abnormal & unacceptable on a pro-choice forum...

The words normal and acceptable are not synonyms. If someone is specifically striving not to kill themselves (in the context of this thread, and this recovery forum) then a flippant attitude that suicide is a normal problem-solving strategy and a normal routine thing that we all do is not a good thing to be immersed in long-term.

 

[motel rooms]

The words normal and acceptable are not synonyms. If someone is specifically striving not to kill themselves (in the context of this thread, and this recovery forum) then a flippant attitude that suicide is a normal problem-solving strategy and a normal routine thing that we all do is not a good thing to be immersed in long-term.

No, "normal" & "acceptable" aren't synonyms, but here's a definition of the verb "normalize":
"To normalize something is to treat it as normal or acceptable when it is not."
https://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/normalize

You think the philosophy of this forum is flippant?

If someone is specifically striving not to kill themselves (in the context of this thread, and this recovery forum)

But it's clear that OP is using all the subforums, not just this one. Weren't you talking about the entire forum when you wrote this?

The forum can definitely have a place in a recovery. Uncensored discussion, facing the stark reality of death and receiving the validation of not being alone in one's darkest moments.
The negative side; the normalisation of CTB, the immersion in gloom and the desensitisation to death, is something to be mindful of and keep a distance as needed.

 

[Pluto]

Yes that's true, it's quite possible my choice of words wasn't entirely watertight, but I see that the OP extracted the gist of where I was coming from nonetheless. :)

 

[NSA]

Is that OK? I feel like talking about it with other desperate individuals and seeing the process and aftermath of suicide is helping me to hold it together, for now.

Or perhaps I'm just kidding myself and using the forum actually means I am on my way to do it in months or years.

Cant see why that would be a bad thing. Ideally we all find good reasons (as judged by ourselves) to not do it.
This place is great for perspective.

 

[roaming_soul]

I came to this site first with the intention of planning my exit and talking it through with others. Then I decided that I actually want to live and if I'm going to do that, I am going to live the shit out of life! That means having a space where I can be truly honest in a way that might get me institutionalized in the real world. So many of us have these overwhelmingly dark thoughts, we just need a space to express it and figure out ways to move through it. But we cannot do that if we aren't being honest. So yeah, you are not wrong in how you are using this platform. Whenever I feel triggered, need a space to be honest or just offer support I come here.

 

[Sherri]

That is great, means it is helping you, the way it helped me. I came here to ctb, found love and support from members now gone and from members still here, mods and many great people. Along with my therapy it's my safe house, I've stopped my psychologist because I can't ever freely talk like I do here. Did only 3 sessions with her and said no more, she didn't ask me a thing, would just stare at me. So I would just talk about the weather and such for 40mn. Jeez, glad it's over. I wrote to her and email and said, me and you it's not gonna work, I'm sorry. I'll stick to my psychiatrist only.