elizabeth.luck
Eliminate your map.
- Mar 10, 2019
- 124
I had to move back in with my parents because my roommate kicked me out after he got a girlfriend for the first time in a decade. (We were best friends for over three years.) In that same week, I lost my job and had to have surgery on my jaw/tooth. My parents told me to "stop wallowing" and "get out there" to find another job. How the fuck am I supposed to go to a job interview and be taken seriously when my mouth is bleeding like the elevator from The Shining?
My mental pain is not taken seriously. I have bipolar 1, social anxiety, trauma from a friend's death, and more. My mom mentioned how I used to do my hair so nice in high school and why didn't I do that anymore? I said, "Depression" not knowing what she would say back. She just said, "Oh" and then changed the subject. She's a licensed nurse but low in the empathy department for mental illness.
My brother is severely disabled and will need care for the rest of his life. My parents have a trust fund for him, group home for him to move in, and everything. I've had several suicide attempts, can't hold down a job, am a social leper, and starting such a thing for me has never been discussed. I understand money is not unlimited but my parents have never once even validated my pain or said I've had it tough. I went through the accommodations center in college and my parents went on and on about how "I didn't need that" and "Just needed to do things like everyone else."
But to kill myself is a huge burden. My parents would have to plan a big funeral that all their rich friends could come to, they'd have to figure out what to do with my body, what to dress me in, and then they'd have to grieve for an appropriate amount of time. I do think that they would be sad because I am their kid but I don't think they would be that sad. I think me dying would be a burden initially but after awhile, me being gone would be a weight off their shoulders. I wish I could know for sure if I am more a of a burden alive or dead.
My mental pain is not taken seriously. I have bipolar 1, social anxiety, trauma from a friend's death, and more. My mom mentioned how I used to do my hair so nice in high school and why didn't I do that anymore? I said, "Depression" not knowing what she would say back. She just said, "Oh" and then changed the subject. She's a licensed nurse but low in the empathy department for mental illness.
My brother is severely disabled and will need care for the rest of his life. My parents have a trust fund for him, group home for him to move in, and everything. I've had several suicide attempts, can't hold down a job, am a social leper, and starting such a thing for me has never been discussed. I understand money is not unlimited but my parents have never once even validated my pain or said I've had it tough. I went through the accommodations center in college and my parents went on and on about how "I didn't need that" and "Just needed to do things like everyone else."
But to kill myself is a huge burden. My parents would have to plan a big funeral that all their rich friends could come to, they'd have to figure out what to do with my body, what to dress me in, and then they'd have to grieve for an appropriate amount of time. I do think that they would be sad because I am their kid but I don't think they would be that sad. I think me dying would be a burden initially but after awhile, me being gone would be a weight off their shoulders. I wish I could know for sure if I am more a of a burden alive or dead.
